Beautifully Innocent
by MidKnight Karina
Summary: AU- Rukia struggles through her life battling family, discovering love, and fighting mental illness. RukiaxToshiro HisanaxByakuya. Rated M for self harm.
1. Chapter 1

**IMPORTANT! - First off I want to explain that this first chapter is more of a prolouge, or backround history of Rukia. there will be a time skip in the next chapter, and Rukia will actually be in it. Do NOT be put off when you read, and not see much of Rukia, because she IS the main character. like I said this is mainly just backround history! **

***updated 6-26-12**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Bleach. **

**Thanks for reading! :)**

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><p>It was a slightly cold yet beautiful Sunday morning.<p>

The clouds were full and low, the sun was high but not intense enough to burn skin. Just perfect for a small warm feeling when you step outdoors. That was exactly what Hisana felt when she stepped out of her boyfriends BMW.

"Where are you taking me Byakuya?" She said with a small smile and a light laugh. The two of them have been dating for the past seven months and were currently sophomores in college. From the moment they met, their relationship kept getting stronger and stronger. Hisana was comfortable enough to say that she was head over heels in love with the man. Although he was a little cold sometimes, and rarely smiled -or had any fun for that matter- he was the sweetest, most kindest man she had ever met and hopefully will ever meet.

"To meet someone," was all he said as he grabbed for her hand. It was kind of strange actually, he was never one for public displays of affection. Even though she was at average height, her boyfriend seemed to tower over her. Well, that was what she was thinking as they walked down the crowded city sidewalk. They were walking for a while if they had any luck, they wouldn't be bombarded by reporters.

It seemed like that happened everywhere they went. Although she was a normal, average as it can get women, _he_ was extremely wealthy. His father was very powerful and when it came down to things, he owned just about everything of importance in Japan. When he retired the job of CEO would go to Byakuya himself.

"Who?" She asked with another light smile on her face. He just looked at her and gave her _that look_. Which clearly said 'you'll see when you get there'. She laughed at him, and he gave her one of his rare slight smiles.

Being rich and famous was probably the reason she never met his father. Byakuya rarely talked about him and didn't speak to him much besides occasional phone call or dinner party. He lived in a expensive penthouse apartment right inside the college grounds. Hisana herself lived in a dorm-room with a room mate, but she was going to be moving in with him soon. Byakuya was obviously taking business courses and all, but Hisana was studying to be a psychologist. They only shared one class together, which was a class on mental diseases. She never _really _understood why he was taking it and didn't ask.

Hisana was brought from her thoughts as she heard a loud car horn go off somewhere down the street. Now that she thought about it, she was incredibly _excited. _Byakuya seemed to disappear every Sunday for hours at a time, she always wanted too know where he went, but he would never tell her. She initially thought that _maybe_, he might be cheating on her but time and time again he assured her that she had no reason to worry. Today she would finally know after months of waiting.

If she was as good at observing people as she would like to say she is then she could dare say that the almighty Byakuya Kuchiki was anxious. They way he continuously looked at her before quickly looking back down the street, and his tight grip on her hand were strong indicators in her mind.

_A flower shop? _Was what rang through her mind, and was confusing her to death. Why in the world would he bring them to a flower shop? The place really was gorgeous. So many different colors and smells. "Ahh! Byakuya-sama, you are a little early today; and what's this? a girlfriend?" Came from a older women who was slightly plump. She had wrinkles around her mouth and eyes, which appeared to have occurred from smiling too much.

"Well, aren't you beautiful? You can call me Kiko." Said the women, as she extended her hand to her. Immediately Hisana shook it, and in her own graceful voice replied her name. "Well, the usual I take it, unless you have something else planned." She now projected at Byakuya.

"Yes, Please." Byakuya said in his usual tense, cold tone.

Hisana was still more than confused, she decided not too even think about it, and let it just play out. Which was a very unlike her move.

All in all, they only stayed at the little hole in the wall flower shop for five minutes. The women seemed to have already prepared the bouquet of flowers before hand, and Byakuya paid the correct amount without having to be told what it was. Hisana was very unsurprised when she saw what the bouquet actually was. Cherry Blossoms.

He seemed to have them everywhere, even in his apartment. She never really wondered why. "Byakuya?" he lifted his head as if asking for her to continue. They were currently walking down the street once again. "Why do you love Cherry Blossoms so much?" he gave her another look which once again, she knew what he was trying to say. _Be patient. _

She really didn't have much time to ponder it, before they once again stepped into a building although this time, it was very large. Immediately after walking in there was a reception desk to your right, and a small waiting room of sorts to your left, which was occupied with a few people. "You can go take a seat, this will only take a minute." she nodded and left his side.

He wasn't kidding, the time he took at the reception desk was more or less around a minute. Byakuya came back, and sat right next to her. She took the flowers out of his hand, and smelled them; unlike most bouquets there wasn't plastic wrap around the side, just the flowers.

"Now will you tell me who were going to see?" Hisana asks; she was beginning to become impatient with the way things were going currently. Byakuya didn't respond at all, only squeezed her hand tightly to reassure her. She sighed, and mentally agreed to sit quietly. Luckily it wasn't long until the sound of a large door broke the silence of the room.

"Kuchiki?" After a second they both stood up, and followed a man down a wide hallway. The older man looked to be about 40 or so. He was wearing green hospital scrubs, and he led them to a high security door. He opened the door with a card that was attached to his uniform. He handed Byakuya a similar card, then he left them just like that. But, not without saying, "You know the rules." In a whispering voice.

As soon as they walked through the door, Hisana noticed that it smelled like a hospital. Everything was white: the floors, the walls, even the doors that were on either side of the hallway. She was beginning to get a little nervous. Even more so when she noticed a flyer on the wall with the heading: _Karakura Mental facility. _

Before she even had time to think about it, they stopped outside one of the doors. Byakuya stopped and looked at her before doing anything else. She once again got the feeling like he was slightly anxious. "Don't be nervous or it will scare her." he paused for a second, "I told her last week that you were coming, but she may have forgotten." Hisana couldn't even utter a word before he swiped the card down the intricate lock.

Before opening the door, he paused to look at her one last time and took the flowers from her hand. He soon pushed it open. Hisana felt those nervous butterflies in her stomach stop and die away as soon as they stepped into the surprisingly small space.

The girl couldn't have been older than thirteen or fourteen. She had the most beautiful violet eyes that Hisana had ever seen, and the exact same hair color as Byakuya, which reached down to her elbows. She was so incredibly pale, almost like a ghost. She was sitting on a bed reading a book in the corner of the very white room. The girls first reaction was to smile like she had never smiled before at the sight of the tall man before her. "Byakuya! Your early!" The look in her eyes was like a light bulb being flipped on.

When she glanced at the women by his side, she quickly dropped her smile and looked down refusing to make eye contact with either of them. "Do not be afraid, we talked about this last week, remember? This is Hisana, my girlfriend." She glanced up for only half a second, before returning her gaze back down. "Hisana, this is my sister, Rukia"

_Sister? _Was all that registered through her mind. She had no clue that Byakuya had any living relatives other than his father. For a brief second, she was angry that Byakuya would hide such a huge part of himself from her for _seven months._ Then she realized, that this was a big deal. He had a sister who was obviously mentally ill, and he trusted her with that kind of information. He _trusted _her enough to not tell anyone or think differently of him. Byakuya didn't trust anyone. He told her that himself a while back. She smiled and looked up at him with a loving gaze. He gave a smile back.

"H-hi, it's nice to meet you." Rukia directed at Hisana, still not looking at her. The two of them took a seat on the small bench next to the bed that she was sitting on. Rukia's voice was soft, yet sweet at the same time.

"It's very nice to meet you. I love your hair it's so beautiful." Hisana said with a smile, which awarded her a huge smile in return from Rukia.

Feeling braver, the small girl looked up at Hisana, "Thank you." Rukia was obviously ignoring the fact the Byakuya had the exact same hair, besides length. Speaking of him, he decided to make his presence known once again, by handing the bouquet to Rukia.

"You remembered!" She said, very excitingly as she pushed them closer to her face and smelled them.

"Do I not always?" He said with another small smile, it was driving Hisana slightly crazy. She had never seen him smile so much in one day. Also the way he talked to Rukia, she had never seen before besides with herself. She placed the flowers in a plastic vase that held no water next to the bed on the small table. Looking around the room, there wasn't much at all. There was a small bookshelf to the right that was overflowing with books, a bed and a bedside table. Oh, and the bench they were sitting on. Around the corner there was a door, which probably led to a small bathroom. "What are you reading now?"

"Romeo and Juliet," she said with another megawatt smile, her tone could be called musical.

"And?" Was all Byakuya said. She didn't get to respond because the door opened and a nurse stood in the doorway wearing the same green scrubs as the man from earlier.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Byakuya-san, there is paperwork that I need you to fill out." He nodded and looked at Hisana with an eyebrow raised, trying to say 'will you be alright here by yourself?' She nodded and he stood; Byakuya left the room without another word along with the nurse.

"So?" Hisana said, as soon as the door was closed once again, and they were left alone. Rukia looked at her questionably not knowing what the older girl meant; "Romeo and Juliet?"

"Oh, um I like it but, it's hard to understand." Rukia, once again looking down and less brave than before without her brother in the room. "I like to read love stories."

Hisana nodded, "me too." Rukia looked like she wanted to ask something, but decided against it. Hisana smiled at her, as if trying to encourage her. It seemed to work.

"How did, you.. and my brother.. meet" it was said as more of a statement than a question. Rukia kept pausing through the sentence, unsure if she should continue. Although she was glad she did when she saw Hisana's own smile light up her face.

"Well, it was nothing special really. We were assigned to be partners on a project, that required us to meet outside of class. At first, I really hated his guts." -Rukia let out a small laugh at hearing this- "but, after a while it just kinda faded, and he asked me out on our first date." Rukia seemed to light up at this.

"What was that like? your date I mean." She said, much more hurried and rushed kind of like she was afraid that if she didn't ask soon enough, then she wouldn't get an answer. Hisana could only smile at that, but was happy Rukia didn't ask _what _class it was for.

"_That_, was interesting. He took me to a really nice American restaurant, unfortunately the paparazzi was all over it. They got a really good couple pictures when I walked out with drink all down my dress." Her mouth feel open in surprise.

"Byakuya threw a drink on you?" but, before Hisana could correct her, a voice did for her.

"It was an accident.," they both looked over to see the man in question leaning on the door obviously listening in to their conversation for a while; "I bumped the table standing up." Rukia gave a light giggle. Hisana couldn't help but think it was the most beautifully innocent thing she had ever heard.

It was silent for a couple minutes, "how have you been?" Byakuya asked in a more serious tone. Rukia's happy and light mood seemed to stop and die at the question.

"Hinamori's community service hours will be finished tomorrow." Rukia said, obviously upset about it. Although, it seemed to only last a minute, "how are you?" Hisana being the psychologist-in-training that she was, couldn't help but notice how fast she shifted from one emotion to the next.

"I'm doing well. The semester ends in a few weeks, and me and Hisana are going on a trip." It was true, spring break was coming, and they were going away for a week and a half. Hisana smiled just thinking how excited she was about it.

"Where? How long?" Hisana realized that Rukia was extremely easy to read, she wore her feelings on her sleeve -unlike her brother. At the moment, she was neither happy nor sad, just.. cautious. As if she knew she wasn't going to like the answer.

"Hawaii, it's a island off the coast of America. We will be leaving two Thursdays from now and returning a week and a half later on a Monday." The words flew out of Byakuya's mouth. This time, it was obvious Rukia was not too happy.

"That means, that you can't can come see me for two weeks."

Hisana was immediately upset for the girl. She was only allowed to see her brother once a week (she figured this out on her own), and it just so happens that she won't be able to see him for two whole weeks. If she herself had a brother (or sister) then she too would probably be upset.

"Hinamori-san could come visit you." It was as if Byakuya knew that that would make her feel better, because the smile that she was beginning to get used to seeing, was up on her face. Then, it faded to a small little smile.

"But,-" once again the same nurse from before stood at the doorway, interrupting Rukia.

"I'm sorry, but the time is up," was all she said, before smiling sadly, and leaving the room. Byakuya stood, which signaled Hisana to stand as well. Rukia once again looked upset.

"I'll be back next week." Byakuya said, before bending down and kissing the young girls forehead. Hisana almost dropped her jaw in shock. Byakuya Kuchiki showing emotion? _I guess I really shouldn't be surprised. _Rukia reached up and gave a brief hug to the older, male look-alike.

"Don't forget my flowers, please!" She said in a childish way followed by a laugh.

"Do I ever?" Byakuya gave another small smile, that Hisana still couldn't get over.

"Good-bye, Rukia, it was nice to meet you."

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><p>It was early afternoon when the couple stepped outside of the mental hospital. The two were currently walking down the side-walk on their way back to Byakuya's car. They still haven't spoken, since they walked out of the room that held his younger sister. Hisana had so many questions, that she didn't even know where to begin.<p>

A few minutes later, they arrived back at his black, shiny BMW. When they both got in Byakuya looked at Hisana with an elegant, black eyebrow raised, not even moving to start the car. She understood that this meant that she could begin asking questions.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a sister?" Was what came out of her mouth first. Well, actually a different question was what she really wanted too know, but she didn't want to ask. She was slightly afraid at what he might say.

He just stared at her for a good thirty seconds. "Hisana, you are the only one other than my father and myself that knows Rukia exists." he paused for a second, "besides her doctors." It really was a Byakuya style way to answer a question. Leading away from the real question.

Feeling slightly braver knowing that piece of information she asks, "um... what's wrong with her?"

Byakuya stopped looking at her for a minute, while he tried to think of what too say. "When Rukia was nine, she was diagnosed with schizophrenia."

After hearing about Rukia's condition Byakuya explained to her that the younger girl also had problems with a bipolar couldn't believe it. Hisana was so caught up in how impossible everything was that she didn't notice Byakuya starting the car.

X

X

X

The drive to the park was about ten minutes, but in those few minutes Hisana had thought of hundreds of more questions that she couldn't wait to ask. When they finally parked, Byakuya led her too a series of trees with a few benches under them. Hisana took a second to look at her boyfriend. He looked nervous and sad at the same time. It was like, he didn't like to talk about his sister. Which she could understand. Rukia was a really sweet girl, if not too nice. Just the thought of her having a serious mental illness that caused hallucinations and delusions was slightly unbelievable.

Before she could ask a question, Byakuya started speaking. "Rukia's school would call complaining that she would have panic attacks during class" Byakuya paused in his as a second thought, "this wasn't too out of the ordinary, Rukia had always had high anxiety." After explaining he continued on, "anyway, sometimes I would come home from school and she would be hiding in a closet screaming that something was attacking her." He paused to catch his breath. "I was worried, and my father didn't really seem to care, but he told me too take her to the doctors, so I did. They did several tests on her, and asked me a lot of questions." Hisana was listening very closely.

"Days later they called and asked to meet with my father. He was busy, of course, but I convinced him that it was important. The doctors told us she had schizophrenia, but that it was manageable under heavy medication and therapy." Byakuya paused again to look at her expression. "So he really didn't think twice about it, just paid the bills for the medicine, and made Rukia go to the therapist twice a week." He started to look angry, as he continued talking. "He pulled her out of school, got her a private tutor, and made sure the public had no idea that he had a schizophrenic daughter. He had business associates come over, and while I was forced to sit through the long boring dinners, Rukia was hidden away in her room." Hisana had too hide a gasp away.

"It was four days before her tenth birthday and I was 16. We were in the dinning room with a CEO of a major corporation, although I forget his name, he was very important in a agreement between the two companies. Anyway, we were eating when Rukia came out of the kitchen, yelling and attacked me with a knife." Byakuya stopped speaking, and pulled the sleeve of his shirt up to show a long shallow scar, that when from his wrist to his elbow. Surprisingly Hisana had never seen it before, no matter how many times she has seen him with his shirt off. It was hard to believe that the small innocent girl from earlier did that to him.

"I'll never forget what my father said to his business partner, as me and Rukia were put in an ambulance." He paused to control the look of anger on his face. "'That must be one of the maid's daughters'" Hisana again had to quiet a gasp. "I've only been more upset one other time in my entire life." He was looking into her eyes as he told her this.

"When?" She didn't know if she should ask because he had never told so much about himself in the seven months they had been dating.

He didn't answer for a few seconds. It was almost like he didn't want to say it out loud. "Rukia's tenth birthday." He paused once more to control the emotion on his face, "The day my father had her admitted." Byakuya stopped trying to look calm, "she didn't do it on purpose, it was an accident. He just used it as an excuse to lock her away. She will never forgive herself for it either, she always apologizes every chance she gets." Hisana didn't know what to say to that, so she didn't say anything. Instead she grabbed his hand in an act of comfort.

"My father has never visited either. He lets me handle everything involved with her. He once told me, that if word got out that he had a 'crazy' daughter, then it would ruin him." Hisana could officially say, that she hated his dad. He sounded horrible. What kind of father doesn't even visit his own daughter for four years? It's not Rukia's fault, that she was unfortunate enough to develop the illness.

"Not, that I don't _love_ you telling me all of this, but..why now?" Hisana finally asked after she decided he wasn't going to speak anymore.

"I pulled some strings and Rukia is being released into my care when she turns sixteen next year. If your going to be moving in with me, then I need you to accept her, because she will be coming to live with us as well."

Hisana couldn't help but have two tears streak down the left of her face. She was always an emotional person. It seemed she cried more often then not. Byakuya, knowing this wasn't alarmed. He just simply wiped the tears off her cheek with his palm, and waited for her to respond., "Of course, I accept her." she let a smile warm across her face.

Hisana couldn't even begin to imagine what it was going to be like, living with Byakuya and his sister. All she knew was that she couldn't be more excited for it. Even if it was a little over a year away that Rukia would join the two of them.

Hisana glanced up, and looked at her boyfriend, who wasn't looking at her but at the grove of trees in front of them. More particularly the cherry blossom tree in the center. The man she was looking at was so incredibly amazing, she decides. She almost wants to tell him how much she loves him, but thinks against it. He already knew, and she did not want to break him from his daze.

Everything was slowly making sense to Hisana. The angry look, he always got when speaking of his father. Always being 'busy' on Sundays. Taking a mental illness class as a business major. It all clicked, and she was not a bit angry at him for not telling her sooner. She understood his reasoning. Hisana understood Byakuya. It was that simple. Black and white. No gray.

Although she would wish everything was that simple. What would it be like to live with a mentally ill teenage girl? Hisana really was excited, just cautious. What if she messed up and did something wrong to upset Rukia? From her classes as a psychologist-to-be she knew a lot about schizophrenia, and bipolar disorders, but she suddenly felt like it wasn't enough. All this self-doubt was put into the back of her mind as Byakuya began to speak.

"Do you remember when you asked my why I loved those so much?" He said in a somber, quiet voice as if afraid someone else would hear. His gaze was still on the single cherry blossom tree in the field. Hisana didn't need to nod, because he continued anyway.

"I do not love them; I love my sister."

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><p><strong>So what did you think? good? bad?<strong>

**please Review! **

**Thanks :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**so, I have this whole story planned out, and my very favorite scene happens in the next chapter. something to look forward to I guess:) when you read this chapter, make sure you pay close attention to the word choice, especcially towards the end (hint hint). I hope you like it:) notice i moved the rating up. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach**

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><p>"Are you ready?"<p>

It was a simple question really. The girl didn't answer at all, just stared at the double glass doors. Hisana was beginning to become worried. The three of them were standing in the reception area for over fifteen minutes, just waiting. For Rukia. To be ready to walk out of Karakura Mental Hospital for the first time in six years.

She hadn't said a word since they had began the discharging process over three hours ago. Minutes before, Byakuya had just convinced her doctor that she was fine, and that he could leave them. But it was a lie. Byakuya's guess of what was going on in Rukia's head, was as good of a guess as Hisana's.

But for now he was silent, as they waited for Rukia to say something. Do something. Anything.

The last year, had been amazing. Shortly after Hisana met Rukia for the first time, she and Byakuya visited Hawaii, and he proposed to her. It was one of the best moments of her life. Romantic, sweet, and in the perfect place with the perfect man. Just how she had always dreamed it would be.

After that, everything seemed to fly by, before the engaged couple knew it, it was Rukia's Birthday, and her release date. Which lead them to right now. Staring at a door. Becoming very worried.

Hisana gave him a look, pleading for him to do something. He narrowed his eyes, and stepped up to stand next to the petite girl. Although, right as he was about to speak, he closed his mouth and his eyes widened for half a second. If it were anyone other than Hisana, they would not have noticed the change in expression before going back to stony, cold features.

It was then that she decided to close in on them. She stood on the other side of Rukia, and suddenly understood the look on Byakuya's face in that brief half-second.

She was crying.

Not sobbing, or balling, or even sniffling. Just small tears running down her face. Rukia, looked up to Byakuya and spoke for the first time in 3 hours and 25 minutes. "I-I'm afraid" she spoke so quietly that only Hisana and Byakuya would even remotely be able to hear her.

"There is no reason to be."

Byakuya spoke softly, reassuringly. Hisana felt like she should do something, maybe hug her, but she knew that Rukia didn't like to be touched. Especially from anyone besides her doctor, or brother. Even though Hisana visited often with Byakuya, and she knew so much about her, Rukia was still uncomfortable around her sometimes. Touching her was out of the question.

The only time they had ever had any physical contact was the Sunday after their trip to Hawaii. It was Rukia's 15th birthday. She was so excited about the engagement, that she jumped up and hugged them both. Quickly afterward, she shyly pulled her legs into her chest and apologized for touching her.

Suddenly, before either Hisana or Byakuya expected, Rukia stepped forward, pushed open the door, and into the glowing sun. Of course, the two followed behind closely.

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><p>They had planned this day for weeks. Month's even. So why did it seem like nothing was going according to plan?<p>

When they finally got to his car, Rukia, was terrified to be in it. Although, she didn't say anything; it was obvious by the way she clutched the seat-belt, and was looking anywhere but out the window. Rukia didn't notice the way he drove extra slow and careful, for her benefit, but Hisana did.

Dr. Kurosaki, warned them of this. He had a feeling she would be anxious, and scared about the smallest of things. He said, that after six years of isolation, and few people to talk to, that it would be very difficult for her emotionally to be put back into society. Unfortunately he was right.

The car ride to their apartment was drawn out by Byakuya's driving, but the BMW had finally pulled up to their apartment building. It was nothing less than incredible. As was expected of a Kuchiki. Rukia, was smiling like always as she stood on the paved sidewalk, gazing at the complex. She seemed to have quickly gotten over her fear in the car.

"Wow, this place looks amazing!" She said, with child-like wonder. Byakuya, nodded without saying anything, motioned for the two of them to follow him into the expensive building.

At the front desk, a young man stood, with a nice smile as he greeted them, "Ahh, Kuchiki-sama. I see your back, this must be the guest you were telling me about! I'll get you that spare key you asked me for." Was all he said, as he went through a doorway and out of sight. "Here you go, one key for a beautiful lady." The smiling man said a little to nicely, and held out the key to Rukia. She said nothing, and looked down at her feet, trying not to make eye contact with him.

He looked confused, and slowly with-drew his outstretched arm. "Is something wrong-" he was cut off by Byakuya's, cold voice.

"Thank-you, Takashi" was all he said before taking the key out of his hand. Hisana, who had just stood by the side until now, was not surprised. Byakuya was angry. _Idiot_ was what she thought, of course he was going to be angry, the man just hit on his baby sister right in front of him! Although, to give the now frantic man credit, he didn't know Rukia was Byakuya's sister.

Rukia looked incredibly uncomfortable, and nervous. Byakuya lead the two of them towards the elevator, and they stepped inside. After just realizing what she was in the fragile girl began to panic.

She reached out and grabbed the supporting rail along the side. Hisana glanced at Byakuya, hoping he would do something. He was lost in thought, and glaring at the ground. He didn't seem to notice his sister's white-knuckled grip on the safety rail.

Before Hisana could even say anything to comfort the small girl, the elevator doors 'dinged' open, and Rukia rushed out onto their apartment floor. Byakuya still didn't seem to notice anything, as they silently walked down the wide hallway.

Hisana didn't know what to think. She was incredibly nervous for this day. So many 'what-ifs' were ringing in her head. What if Rukia didn't feel comfortable around her alone still. What if she had an attack without Byakuya around. What if Rukia got hurt. She could already imagine how upset Byakuya would be if anything happened to his sister.

Rukia's belongings (in other words, her books) had all been moved over the day before. And since the Hospital didn't allow her to wear or have personal things, that's all she had. So, weeks before Byakuya had sent Hisana out on a mission to stock his sisters soon-to-be closet with clothes. Byakuya seemed to think she would be extremely excited when she saw the clothing was all for her.

Byakuya stepped up the the double doors of their apartment, inserted the key, and unlocked the door. Before opening he turned to look at Rukia. She stared right back at him. He lifted a questioning eyebrow, as if to say _are you ready? _

Instead of responding to his sort-of question she stepped around him, and walked inside her soon to be home.

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><p>A soft breath of air was exhaled through small pouting lips.<p>

"Rukia, I know you're upset, but you have to understand that I don't think you are quite ready for that yet."

Stormy black clouds, casting an ominous dark color throughout the sky, were what were present as the day had proceeded. But, not once had a single drop of rain touched the earth. It seemed like the weather was reflecting a certain teenager's mood.

"Why not! It is just right down the street, it's not a big deal!" Rukia quickly defended her reasoning as to why she should be allowed to walk to the on-campus cafe, by herself.

Three whole weeks had already gone by and Rukia was steadily becoming more and more comfortable. On her first day home she didn't even like being in the same room as Hisana alone, for any extended period of time. Now, she treated her just the way she treated Byakuya.

Byakuya, of course, had been right about her excitement to all her new clothes and accessories. She was like a child, who pretended to be a princess and changed clothes every five minutes. Surprisingly, she had _amazing_ fashion sense. She was always mixing and matching things that Hisana would have never thought of. On more than one occasion, Rukia picked out Hisana's outfit for the day. When that happened, she never failed to get compliments from her fellow classmates on her clothing choice.

Rukia had been to her therapist everyday -besides the weekends- for the past three weeks. Her therapist, Dr. Kurosaki, thought that she was making progress on constant nervousness. Also he lowered the dosage of her anxiety medication from taking it twice a day, to once in the morning. Fortunately, she had not had one schizophrenia attack since being home.

"I'll go with you-" he started to say.

"No, Byakuya it's okay, I've been having a craving for coffee all day." Hisana interrupted, already putting her shoes on. Even though she lied, and really didn't want any coffee, she would gladly take Rukia. Besides Byakuya was busy studying for a test tomorrow. That was another thing, for some reason Rukia has become addicted to coffee. Of course, she was only allowed to drink decaf. The high levels of caffeine are not good with the medicine she takes.

Rukia, who couldn't conceal the happiness on her face, bounced over to the door. Even though it was her bi-polar disorder shinning through, it was still cute.

"Finally, Hisana let's-" As soon as she opened the door, her smile slowly peeled from her face, "go." Rukia was showing obvious signs of being nervous, and uncomfortable. She had a death grip on the door handle, she was looking towards the ground, and fidgeting.

She had a good reason to be because on the other side of the door, was the father of the Kuchiki siblings.

As soon as Hisana and Byakuya saw who was at the door, he gave her a very pointed look. She understood, and grabbed Rukia by the arm, pulled her out of the room, and down the hallway towards the stairs. Even if Rukia was becoming more comfortable, she still hated the elevator.

X

X

X

"Why is she here?" Was the first thing out of the older Kuchiki's mouth. His voice was cold and unforgiving to anyone who might hear it.

Byakuya set his books down on the table so soft, that he might as well have slammed them. He stood up, "Because, I want her to be." Both men looked angry at this point. The older of the two stepped closer into the room.

"Son, I know your trying to do the right thing, but your hearts in the wrong place." By his tone he was trying to be sincere. Byakuya was about to say something before he was interrupted. "She is sick, and always will be it's dangerous for you and Hisana for her to be here."

"Dangerous? How would you know, you have not said a word to her in six years!"

"Think about what you are doing Byakuya, she could _kill_ you! _Kill_ Hisana. Or do you forget when she tried to kill you with a kitchen knife?" He took a deep breathe before continuing, "Does Hisana know how in danger she is? How unstable your sister is? How at any moment she could go psychotic? Does she know about what happened to your mother?" He said the last part in almost a whisper.

Byakuya looked about ready to punch something, his jaw was clinched and his knuckles were white. "What happened to our mother was not her fault!" he tried to calm himself down, "is that why you can't accept Rukia for who she is? Hell, you can't even say her name! Do you really hate her that much?"

Now it was his turn to become more angry, "I'm just trying to protect you Byakuya, what will happen in the next few years when you and Hisana are both starting your careers and you have your sister always holding you back? Where will she go? It's not like she will get a job! With her condition she can't even work as a waitress! And what kind of respectable man is going to marry her? She will always be dependent on you. Do you really want that? In ten years when you have a family of your own, are you willing to risk their safety for her sake? So that she can feel_ normal_? Well Byakuya she isn't normal! What you need to do is put her back in the hospital before she becomes too attached."

Byakuya was so surprised and upset about what his father just said that he couldn't even process it all. "You want me to put her back in the mental hospital?" He said it so calmly that one would think he was in a good mood. "You want me to return her to the place where the biggest highlight of her day was going outside for half an hour. You want me to return her to the place where she was so depressed that she wanted to kill herself? You want me to return her to the place where she doesn't have a single friend. You want the only person to ever see her for the rest of her life be me, for two hours every Sunday?" Byakuya sat down on the couch with his head in his hands.

"It might sound awful now but she will ruin you in the future." Byakuya gave a small smirk. He was so angry that he couldn't even be angry.

"Just get out." Was muffled by his hands over his face. The man continued to stand there. Byakuya removed his hands from his face, "get the hell out of my house." Byakuya never used cuss words.

"You might be angry now, but you _will_ realize I'm right."

* * *

><p>Hisana could only guess about what was going on in that apartment. Her and Rukia were both sitting at a table at the front of the cafe, drinking their coffee. They weren't really talking, Rukia seemed to be lost in her own thoughts.<p>

Lately, Rukia had been different, she seemed to be a lot less nervous and anxious around everything new. A few weeks ago, she was afraid to even talk to strangers, now she could look them in the eye smile and start a conversation. When she opened that door it seemed like she was the same girl that she met months ago.

Hisana had never met Byakuya's father before, but she has seen pictures. All she knew about him was what Byakuya had told her. And from what she's heard, he isn't father-of-the-year. Apparently, he supports their relationship though. Which she never really understood, she was only a average scholarship student, nothing special. Byakuya was the son of one of the richest people in all of Japan. Wasn't he suppose to hate them being together? She would never understand the minds of the wealthy.

As of now, she was waiting for a call or a text saying that they could return, and that he was out of their apartment. But so far nothing, and it had already been almost forty five minutes.

"That man, was he my father?" The question caught Hisana off guard, fortunately before she could answer she felt a vibrating coming from her pocket. _He's gone – Byakuya_

"Um, I'm not sure, why don't we go back, ok?" Rukia, smiled and nodded in agreement.

* * *

><p>It was around midnight and everyone was sleeping. Well, they were suppose to be.<p>

Hisana was awakened, by the shuffling of the blankets, she turned over to face Byakuya getting back into bed. "I'm sorry for waking you. Go back to sleep."

"Byakuya, whats bothering you? Is it something that happened while he was here?" Once her and Rukia got back home, Hisana noticed that Byakuya was being very quiet. He stayed that way the rest of the night. Barely speaking. She guessed that something happened, but she didn't want to ask with Rukia around because it was most likely about her.

"_Does Hisana know how in danger she is? How unstable your sister is? How at any moment she could go psychotic?"_

Byakuya turned to look at her, "Hisana do you feel safe here?" Hisana immediately sat up, and looked down at him with a questioning gaze. "I should have asked sooner. I would understand if you didn't."

_That _was what this was all about? "Of course I do. There has never been a reason for me not to." She paused trying to think of the right words, "this might sound crazy, but I sort of... love her." Realizing how weird that sounded she swiftly thought of something else to say. "She is so sweet, and innocent and naïve, that she is like the sister I never had." Hisana paused once again, "am I making any sense?"

Byakuya smiled and nodded, he grabbed her by her waist and pulled her closer. Hisana leaned down and kissed him sweetly on the lips. When she pulled away she smiled lovingly at him. Apparently it wasn't enough, because he pulled her closer again, and began attacking her lips passionately. He rolled them over so that he was on top off her, and continued to work on her lips as his hand traveled down to the hem of her shirt, she gave a light moan.

She suddenly pulled away from him. "Byakuya, not that I don't want this, but you have a big test tomorrow and need to sleep." He smirked at her and laid down next to her, putting a protective arm around her waist. She curled into him.

"Whatever you say Hisana."

X

X

X

It was that next afternoon, unlike the day before it was sunny, bright and warm outside. The engaged couple just walked inside the apartment to see Rukia running into the kitchen. There was a beeping sound going off, and the air smelled warm and delicious.

They both glanced at each other for a second before walking into the kitchen. Rukia was setting two plates at the table. "Hey! I made you guys lunch," said Rukia with a sweet smile.

"Thank you Rukia, that was very nice of you." It was kind of a surprise, Rukia had never cooked before. The two of them sat down, and looked back at her. She seemed to be waiting for something.

"So... I was wondering, if I could go to the library... by myself." Rukia looked anxious, as if she was expecting the answer to be no.

"Do you have your cell phone?" Byakuya asked her seriously. Hisana almost forgot that Byakuya had bought her a cell phone shortly after coming to live with them. Rukia nodded, and smiled brightly.

"I guess, be back in an hour." Rukia was so happy, that she jumped up and ran over and gave him a huge hug before running straight out of the room.

"Do you think this is edible?" Byakuya turned and asked her seriously.

Hisana giggled and looked down at the unrecognizable, good smelling goo, "no idea."

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><p>The walk to the on-campus library was short and sweet. Rukia couldn't help but smile the entire trip there. This was the first time in six years that she was walking to a normal place, with normal people, all by herself.<p>

As soon as she stepped into the air conditioned library, the smell of old, decaying paper filled her nose. She breathed in a big breath. Rukia looked around for a second before walking over to the romance section of the large library.

As she was about to turn into an isle, she collided into something and fell down backwards. The sound of another person falling over, and books being dropped filled her ears. When she opened her eyes, there was a hand being offered to her.

Rukia thought for a second, before shakily grabbing hold of the hand, and being pulled up. When the black haired petite girl looked up and glanced into the mysterious persons eyes, she was drowned in deep aquamarine pools.

Time seemed to freeze.

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><p><strong>Did you like it?<strong>

**please review, I live for them:) **

**Thanks **


	3. Chapter 3

**I think this might just be the fastest update I will ever do. like I said before, one of my favorite scenes was in this chapter, so I was very excited to write it. just like this chapter, another INCREDIBLE scene happens in the next chapter. So look foward to that too! **

**note- I've had barley any sleep the last few days, so if you notice any grammer mistakes at all, just tell me so I can fix it. There shouldn't be many, I've prof-read it like a million times, but I'm not perfect. **

**P.s. read the authors note at the bottom please, it's probably very important to some people.**

**Disclaimer- I do not own bleach**

**Happy reading :)**

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><p><em>Rukia thought for a second, before shakily grabbing hold of the hand, and being pulled up. When the black haired petite girl looked up and glanced into the mysterious persons eyes, she was drowned in deep aquamarine pools. <em>

_Time seemed to _freeze_. _

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><p>Those incredibly deep eyes seemed to be examining her just as much as she was him. He was a little less than a head taller than her, but at the same time was slightly short for a male. His hair was pitch white, and his skin a warm tan. He was gorgeous.<p>

"H-Hi, I'm sorry for k-knocking you over." She mentally yelled at herself for being nervous enough to stutter. She didn't know what was wrong with her, she had never been effected in _this way_ by a person before. All she knew was that she didn't want it to stop.

"Don't be, I ran into you." His voice was warm, and cold at the same time. He gave her a small smile before continuing, "What's your name?" She glanced at the ground nervously, but knew that anxiety was never an attractive quality so she tried to force herself to stop.

"Rukia, what about you?" He leaned down and picked up two books that he had dropped when they collided. Then fell back against the book shelve in a relaxed manner, and gave another slight smile down at her.

"Toshiro Hitsugaya." Rukia couldn't believe this was happening to her. She was having a normal conversation with a stranger, who was _very _attractive. It seemed like something that she read about in her many romance novels. She could almost feel her heart beating out of her chest.

"Oh, th-thats nice." She was once again mentally hitting herself in the head. This was hard. She had no idea what to say. What was he thinking? Was he repulsed by her? Did he find her as attractive as she did him?

He gave a light laugh, "yeah I guess, is there anything I can help you with?" Rukia felt like her heart now weighed a million pounds and jumped up and was chocking her in her throat. Of course. She should have noticed it sooner. If she would have just noticed the name-tag on his breast pocket, then she could have saved herself the trouble.

He worked here. That's the only reason he was talking to her. Because it was his job to be nice to her. Not because he wanted too.

"Um, no thank-you," she didn't even see his facial expression as she turned and walked away. She didn't hear him calling her back. The only thing she noticed as she walked out the large double doors of the library was the pain in her heart.

X

X

X

Furiously scribbling in her large art sketchbook, was what Rukia started doing as soon as she returned from the library. Her therapist thought it would be a good idea for her have a hobby to turn to when she was feeling sad, angry, or any emotion really. So in came the sketchbook. Byakuya and Hisana never really knew what she was drawing. Only that she was drawing something.

Hisana was concerned. As soon as she walked in the door she marched to her bedroom, and started to draw.

"What do you think happened?" Hisana asked him quietly as they stood in the kitchen. He shrugged his shoulders, and continued to read the newspaper in his hand like nothing was wrong. Hisana sighed and began walking to her room.

When she stepped in, she immediately stopped walking. Rukia's bedroom was huge, as expected for a very expensive two bedroom apartment. And on one of the walls from side-to-side were her 'drawings'.

They were nothing short of amazing.

She finally knew what Rukia had been working on. She was drawing outfits, clothes, dresses. Everything that you can wear. And they were _good_. "Do you like them?" Hisana turned and looked at the girl who was currently seated on her bed with her sketchbook.

"Very much." She paused to take in a deep breath, "how did you come up with all these?"

"I don't know, it just sort-of comes to me, I guess," they looked like something that came out of a high end fashion magazine. It was almost hard to believe that they were created by Rukia.

Hisana remembered why she came there in the first place, "is something wrong Rukia?" Said girl glanced up from the pad and into Hisana's eyes, "you can tell me anything." The look she was giving her made it obvious that she wanted to talk about it. "If you want, I won't tell Byakuya."

"When I was at the library, I ran into this guy. He worked there and was really... cute," Rukia started to blush, "but I don't think that he was into me. He was really nice, but I couldn't tell if it was because he wanted to be or had to be."

_Oh god. Rukia is SO adorable. _"I'm sure it's because he thought you were cute too," Hisana wanted to throw her arms up, jump up and down, and squeal like a little girl. Rukia had a crush on someone. It was just so cute, she desperately wanted to know who it was. She probably knew him too, she went into that library quite often. She understood why Rukia didn't want Byakuya finding out.

Before she could start thinking of names and faces, Rukia started talking, "it doesn't even matter," she sighed dramatically, "if he knew what was wrong with me, he wouldn't have even looked at me." Now it seemed like Hisana was doing more harm than good, because she looked more upset than when she walked in this afternoon.

"Rukia one day your going to meet someone that will love you for you are, no matter what. You just have to stay positive, okay?" Hisana began to panic, Rukia looked like she was going to cry! But, instead she reached over and attacked the older girl in a huge hug. "And that person will be very, very lucky."

X

X

X

"So?" Was what Byakuya asked as soon as Hisana stepped into the kitchen. He was sitting at the table reading his newspaper still. That newspaper was all her fiance was paying attention to today. It frustrated Hisana. He wasn't even worried when Rukia stormed in! That was so unlike him. At least she knew how to get him to pay attention to her.

She walked over to him, and sat in his lap. He set the newspaper down, and put his arms around her, and his nose in the crease of her neck. "Rukia has her G.E.D right?" He gave her an affirmative noise in the back of his throat. "Well she seems to really like fashion design, plus she's really good at it." Byakuya stared at her as if asking _what are you getting at? _"I was thinking maybe, one day she could take classes here for it."

"_You have a sister always holding you back. Where will she go? It's not like she will get a job! With her condition she can't even work as a waitress!" _

Maybe it was because he wanted to prove his father wrong about Rukia, or maybe because he knew that it would make her really happy. He knew she was better than what his father said, he seemed to think that she was incompetent to do even the simplest of things. "I'll talk to one registration officers about it next week."

"Talk to who about what?" The engaged couple both turned to look at Rukia, who walked through the door, and stepped to the refrigerator. She poured herself a glass of juice, and took a seat opposite them at the table.

"Rukia?" She gave Byakuya her full attention, "you like that fashion thing you do right?" she smiled and nodded passionately. "Well, if it's okay with your doctor, therapist, and the school, how would you like to take classes in the university for it?"

"I would _love_ too! But, isn't that kinda impossible? I'm only sixteen." When she started off talking her mood was happy and ecstatic, but by the end she was sad. Her constant emotion shift could seriously give you a headache.

"Yes, you would be younger than anyone there, but you have already graduated from high school this is just the next step." He spoke in a reassuring way.

She smiled brightly, but then in faded, "do you really think all those people will let me?"

"I don't know, Rukia. It might take a while before anything can happen, so don't get your hopes up too high."

* * *

><p>It had been almost two weeks sense their conversation in the kitchen about Rukia going to college. Byakuya had still not gotten a response from the people at the registration office he talked to a week ago.<p>

Like the usual weather in Karakura, it was bright and sunny. Rukia was dressed in a light purple sundress, silver flats, and a beautiful necklace that secretly belonged to Hisana. She was currently walking down the sidewalk to the nearby library that she had practically ran out of two weeks ago.

Rukia tried not to think of the gorgeous man, that might / might not be in the building. When she stepped in the comforting old book smell filled her nose.

She breathed out a sigh of relieve when she made it into the romance isle without any problems. This was the worst part about coming to the library: she had no idea what to get. Based on past experiences, she reached out and just as she was about to put her hands on a random book. A voice spoke from behind her.

"Would you mind me suggesting a book for you?" The familiar warm and cold voice that she was dreading (and hoping) to hear startled her so much that she froze. He seemed to have that effect on her.

Freezing her.

"Sure," she kept her response simple, because she couldn't trust herself not to stutter. When she turned around to look at him, her breath caught in her throat, he was just as beautiful as she remembered. She had to remind herself to breath when he stuck his hand out, and placed it beside her head.

It felt like an eternity.

They continued to stare into each others eyes, she into his forever going blue-green depths, and he into her innocent, violet hues.

Before she could pass-out from all the emotions that she was feeling at once, he pulled out a book from to the right of her ear. It seemed like their 'moment' was over because he took a step back, and Rukia could breath again.

He smelled like the ocean.

Even though it had been forever since she had actually been to a beach, she could still remember the clean, salt filled breeze that easily relaxed you.

"This isn't really my type of book to read, but a good friend of mine always seems to have one of this guys novels in her hand." He held it out to her and she took it from his outstretched fingers, making sure to avoid any physical contact. The author of the book was Nicholas Sparks. It sounded familiar to her, "I asked her about it one day and she said that all of his books were 'beautiful'." He paused to stare once more into her eyes, "perfect for you." He said the last part so quietly that she was afraid that she hallucinated it.

Two weeks ago, she thought her heart was going to pop right out of her chest. That was nothing compared to right now. She was terrified that he could hear it. Rukia was trying to force the blush on her face to go away.

She felt like the figurative 'deer in headlights' described her perfectly. This was so new to her, that she had no idea what to say. She didn't even know what to _think_! So she settled for saying nothing. He opened his mouth to speak but before he could, a older women -probably the librarian- came out from behind the shelve.

"There you are! When you done helping this young lady, could you give me a hand in the back room?" Instead of answering the elderly women, he nodded and she walked away.

He turned away from her, "good-bye Rukia." Right as he was about to turn out of her line of sight, she knew she had to say something.

"Bye," was all she could force out. How did he do it? How did anyone do it? Talk (she was to shocked to say _flirt) _so easily like it was nothing, no effort at all. Like it didn't leave them in a nervous pile of mush. She said two words to him, and she feared that if she moved her legs wouldn't support her. Her face was probably like a firetruck, just from him standing so close to her.

This was bad.

How was she ever going to be normal if she was an emotional cripple in these situations? Determination roared through her, as she stepped two isles over to the advice section. Rukia quickly scanned the titles, before she found a book that looked promising. _How to: Be More Confident in a Relationship. _

Before stepping out into the main floor she checked to make sure _he _didn't see her with this book. When she saw the coast was clear besides some studying teens, she basically sprinted to the check-out counter with her two books.

She would read. And learn, so that next time she could say more than two words.

* * *

><p>"So he called you beautiful?" The older man asked her with a kind smile on his face. He leaned back in his desk chair. The old swivel seat squeaked as he did so.<p>

"Maybe," Rukia seemed to be confused, "maybe not, I bet he didn't mean it in that way." She smiled sheepishly before pulling her knees into her chest. She was seated in a large comfortable leather chair.

The man – Isshin Kurosaki – closed his eyes, sighed and leaned forward onto the desk, and wrote something on a note pad, before looking her in the eye with a kind smile. "Rukia you _are _a beautiful young woman. You shouldn't be surprised when young men notice that, and whether you respond to those males or not is entirely your choice."

"When he talked to me, I was so nervous I could barely talk." She paused to gather her thoughts, "why is that?" Rukia felt safe here, she wasn't afraid to open up to her therapist. He had been the same one she had for the last seven years.

"You haven't ever been in that kind of situation before, it's going to take time before you feel more comfortable in that kind of scenario, but it _will _happen." She looked skeptical, and he seemed to notice. "Rukia you got to understand, you got this idea in your head that your not good enough. And you are. There is nothing wrong with you, and if this guy, or any man for that matter can't accept you for everything that you are, then they are not worth your time." He was compassionate and caring when he spoke to her.

Rukia nodded, showing that she heard him but she didn't say anything more. "Now, I think since you have showed such good progress since you've returned home, that we can limit your sessions to every other day."

she smiled, "not that I don't like you Dr. Kurosaki, but that's good news." He smiled at her, and wrote something else in his notepad.

"How do you feel about Byakuya's fiance?" He asked her, with an eye-crinkling smile on his face.

"Hisana? She's great," for some reason Rukia didn't want to talk about her. Sure, she was amazing and had no problems with her. Actually, she was ecstatic about her and Byakuya getting married, but it felt wrong to speak about her in her sessions with Dr. Kurosaki. You supposedly came to counseling to talk about your issues, and Hisana was not an issue.

Isshin seemed to understand that she didn't feel comfortable talking about her soon to be sister-in-law, but he also knew it was his job to do so, "and how does Byakuya feel about her?"

This confused Rukia, shouldn't he know that Byakuya loved her? He asked her to marry him, doesn't that show how much he cares for her? "He absolutely adores her. The way he looks at her.." Rukia trailed off, "I want someone to look at me that way." Her mind immediately flashed to in the library, when Toshiro looked at her. It wasn't the same loving look Byakuya gave Hisana. No, it was something she couldn't describe.

"And, some lucky person will one day." It was the extract same thing Hisana said. It looked like if they repeated it enough, then she would actually start to believe it.

She gave him a sad smile, "do you really believe that?"

"Absolutely."

* * *

><p>As soon as Rukia got back home she started reading <em>How To: Be More Confident in a Relationship. <em>Secretly of course in her bedroom with the door closed. She knew that it probably would have been a better idea to talk to her therapist about it, but he was a guy and it felt like it would be awkward. Even though she felt comfortable around Hisana, she didn't think she could ask her boy advice without dying from embarrassment.

Rukia stopped to think, why did it even matter? She couldn't help but imagine a certain white haired male, with endless eyes who left her speechless.

She blushed furiously, and read with new determination.

x

x

x

It had been three days since Rukia had been hauled up in her room, reading for hours. The day was unbearably hot, and humid. It was also the day that the registration office had finally called Byakuya back. Apparently, it took so long because they had to get a hold of her doctor, therapist, and her father. When Byakuya heard this, he immediately thought the worst. Although it made sense to him, he didn't like it. He was technically her father. Technically.

Imagine his surprise, when the nice lady on the phone told him that his_ father_ would willingly take totally responsibility of all costs for Rukia's college experience. For a second Byakuya thought it was a joke. Then he realized he was being foolish. That man never joked.

It all made sense when it was mentioned that he wanted her to stay in a dorm room.

Of course

There was absolutely no way in hell that Rukia was staying in a small, overcrowded dorm that would make her feel uncomfortable when his apartment was a maximum, ten minute walk to wherever she needed to go.

Absolutely no way in hell.

So Byakuya proceeded to call up their father on the phone, and told him to shove it. With nicer words of course.

Rukia was not informed of any of this. Yet.

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><p>The walk to the library for Rukia was miserable. It was hot, sticky, and she was sweating. Sweating! It took her ten minutes of staring in the mirror to gain the confidence to leave the apartment. It took her forever to pick the perfect shorts, to go with the perfect blouse, to go with the perfect accessories. And she was <em>sweating<em> in the perfect outfit.

She couldn't decide if it was from the heat, or her racing heart. Probably a combination of the two. She had a solid plan in her head: walk in, inconspicuously look for Toshiro, casually walk up to him and...

Her mind trailed off, could she even do this? Rukia was seriously considering turning around and walking straight back to the safety of her bedroom. Her arm that wasn't holding a book seemed to move without her consent, because it was currently pushing the left half of the large door open.

It wasn't hard to spot him. He was tan, short and had white hair, he stood out like a soar thump. Rukia took a deep breath, and began walking towards the shelve that he was stocking books on. His back was turned away from her, so she made sure to be extra quiet in case she would chicken out.

What was she suppose to say? Her mind was going totally blank. Tap him on the shoulder? No. "Um, Toshiro?" He immediately stiffened at hearing someone directly behind him, before relaxing and turning around to face her.

When he saw who it was, a small smile came upon his scowling face, "you remembered my name?"

"o-of course." His smile grew a little bit brighter, "I wanted to thank you, for the book." She smiled sheepishly, and held up the book so that he could see it.

"No problem, did you like it?" Instead of responding with words, she nervously nodded. She only hopped that he didn't notice how anxious she was, or that she was lying about reading the book. They stood in silence for a good minute.

Until he decided to break it, "could I maybe... call you sometime?" She giggled nervously.

"Sure, do you have-" he pulled a pen out of his pocket, "a piece of paper?" He turned, and grabbed a sheet of paper from a printer at his left.

In less that thirty seconds, she wrote her name and cell phone number, and held it back out to him. He smiled and took it from her, "I'm sorry, but I have to get back to work, I'll call you?" The last part was said like a question.

"Yeah, bye." She started walking backwards for a few steps before turning and walking out of the library, with the book still in her hand. She didn't notice, but he did.

He gave a smile knowing smile to himself.

x

x

x

The second she walked out of the building, a huge megawatt smile lite across her face. She didn't even care if she looked like an idiot, she was happy. It had gone much better than she could have ever expected. The walk home seemed miles less than the one there.

Before she knew it, she stepped in through the front door and saw her brother and sister-in-law-to-be sitting on the couch, talking with the T.V on mute. When they spotted her, they immediately stopped speaking. Rukia was too happy to even worry about it.

She smiled at them, which they both slightly returned before she stepped into her bedroom. First, she kicked off her shoes, dropped the book she didn't know she was carrying until now, then proceed to sprint over to her queen side bed, throw herself onto it, and screamed into a pillow.

Life was good.

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><p><strong>Did you enjoy the cuteness that is Rukia? <strong>

******* i'm most likely going to change the pairing on the characters from Rukia x no one _TO_ Rukia x Toshiro, so if thats the way you find the story, then be warned. ******

**REVIEW! please, i'm feeling unloved from the lack of reviews:(**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm so sorry for the long wait but you have to understand, I had NO computer! yep, it died on me. luckily I got it repaired and just got it back three days ago. I worked super fast and hard to get this out asap. **

**about this chapter, well, nothing to exciting happens. just a good look into the past and a few other things:) oh, and this is the longest chapter so far! YEAH!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. **

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><p>"So I have to move out?" Rukia was really upset. Hisana had never seen her so upset. Byakuya had just finished telling her what the registration office told to him, and she didn't like it one bit. Immediately you could read the expression on her face. "I don't want to leave," tears filled her eyes, but didn't fall.<p>

"Rukia-" Byakuya started, but was interrupted by his now frantic little sister.

"Do _you_ want me to move out?" Her voice was shaking, and small tears began coming down her face.

"No, Rukia I-" Hisana was worried but knew that it wasn't her place to do anything. She just wished that Rukia would stop interrupting him so that he could explain things to her. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to start with telling her the bad news.

"I don't need to go to college." Rukia was desperate not to leave.

"Yes you do, but -" Byakuya was getting frustrated with the constant interrupting.

"Did I do something wrong?" She paused to wipe small tears of her face, "why else would-"

"Rukia!" She paused halfway through her sentence, she didn't realize until now that Byakuya was trying to talk to her. "You do not have to go anywhere! You will be starting your classes next semester."

"Oh." She smiled sheepishly, after realizing how ridiculous she was being. Her brother Byakuya would _never_ force her to leave,"okay."

Hisana sighed loudly at Rukia's behavior. Even after living with her for months, it still gave her headaches when Rukia's emotions went from cold to boiling hot, in two seconds flat. As far as she knew it never seemed to bother Byakuya.

Rukia still hasn't had a single schizophrenic attack. Her doctors said that it was great news, and that it sounded like she was improving. Her therapist simply thought it was due to being highly medicated, he also said that because her schizophrenia was very mild in the first place, it wasn't to shocking. Either way, everyone was happy.

X

X

X

Rukia was in her room drawing up wedding dresses; recently she has been looking through magazines, and found the inspiration to draw them up different ways. She especially liked the strapless, low back, and lace. So she currently had about twenty of the same dress, with small differences in them, but none of them seemed right just yet.

Through her thick concentration, she heard the ringing of her cell phone across the room on her dresser. She was frozen in shock, because she knew exactly who it would be. Their 'talk' in the library was three days ago, and Rukia was anxiously waiting for his call. She knew to have her cell phone on her at all times, and never let it out of her sight. Rukia hasn't spoken a word to anyone about Toshiro, except after their first meeting. And just when she thought he was never going to call...

She raced across the room, and picked up the cell phone. A unfamiliar number showed on the screen, and she hesitantly pressed the 'talk' button, "hello?" She said more as a question than a statement.

"Hey Rukia, it's me Toshiro." He paused to hear a response, but never got one, "hello?"

"Yes! Hi, sorry. I was.." She trailed of at the end, not thinking that saying she was too nervous to speak would be a good idea. She heard a chuckle in response to her unfinished statement.

"Would you like too get dinner with me sometime?" He casually asked, like it was something he said everyday, and came to him easy. Like saying the grass was green. Her voice caught in her throat, she could feel her heart pounding in her chest, and her palms became sweaty.

Taking her lake of response as a 'no' he sheepishly said, "or a movie?" She knew through her lack of speaking she was loosing her chance. For some reason, a passage from the book she read, stuck out in her mind.

_...in a romantic relationship it is important to have your voice heard. Your partner cannot make all the decisions. Although, make sure to take their opinion into consideration..._

"No, dinners fine," she hoped that what she said didn't sound to commanding. He seemed fine with it anyway.

"Alright, do you have a place in mind?" He replied easily, sounding very relaxed.

_Make sure to take their opinion into consideration _

Even if Rukia wanted to pick, she really couldn't. The girl had no idea what was in the area, and what tasted good. "Surprise me," it was a very daring thing for her to say but she was feeling a little more confident, because he didn't seem repulsed by her behavior. Plus, it helped that that line was in ever corny book in the universe.

He chuckled once more on the other line, "okay I have the perfect place in mind. Make sure to wear something semi-nice." The way he talked sounded like he was smiling, and the thought of his slight smile, that showed off perfect bleach white teeth, gave her a warm feeling from her chest down to her toes.

"Okay, when?" It seemed that their easy going conversation was a real confidence boost to Rukia. That thought alone made a bright smile appear on her face.

"Meet me in front of the library at 6:30 on Saturday." He replied in his hot/cold voice that sounded so amazing to her. "Is that alright for you?" She made an affirmative noise in the back of her throat. Rukia mentally checked a list in her head, therapist: no. Doctor: no. Anything else: no. Date: yes!

Rukia paused in her thoughts momentarially, _it is a date right? _Rang through her head. What if he just considered them friends? "Yes, Rukia it's a date." He sounded heavily amused. Rukia's eyes widened, her face became a deep red. She didn't mean to say that out loud. How embarrassing.

She was so mortified she barely comprehended saying goodbye to him. After a good minute of staring at the wall with wide eyes and a hot face, a megawatt smile lite across her face. _She _had a date. Not just any date, but with Toshiro Hitsugaya. The incredible cute, warm, cold, short, tall, attractive, ocean-y smelling amazing smile guy. They were going out to dinner in five days. It all seemed very unreal to her.

After soaking in her excitement for a good five minutes, she ran out of her room to find Hisana.

X

X

X

Hisana was having a great day. She was free the rest of the afternoon from classes, and Byakuya's next class was canceled due to a sick teacher. So after taking Rukia to her therapist, they would be alone for a couple hours. Alone time for them seemed rarer and rarer to come by theses days.

She was currently sitting at the dinning table typing away on a psych. class paper due next week, waiting for Byakuya so they could all eat lunch together before leaving.

Imagine her surprise as Rukia comes running up to her from around the corner, with a huge smile on her face, "_I" _she paused pointing to herself,"am going on a date!" she exclaimed loudly, and boldly. Almost as if she didn't believe it herself.

"Excuse me?" Before Hisana even had time to show her excitement, ask a million questions, and jump up and hug her, a deep voice came from behind Rukia, and did not look nearly as pleased as the two girls in the room.

"ehh..." Rukia's happy face disappeared. She knew her brother, and she knew that he would be less than excited if he found out. She wasn't really planning on telling him, Rukia was hoping Hisana would tell him. The two girls shared a look with each other.

"Who exactly is this _date _with?" Byakuya asked, with a frown on his face.

"Umm..." Hisana's eyes lite up, Rukia didn't tell her who it was with either. "...well."

Byakuya was not amused, "Rukia" he demanded. He didn't appreciate finding out his baby sister is going out with a man, most likely much older than her. He was already having a horrible day. First, he wakes up, and didn't have any shampoo, so he had to use Hisana's flower-y kind, then he before he could walk out the door he spilled coffee down his shirt. Next, right before he came into the apartment he got an email from his father, saying they needed to talk, and to top it all off he walks in to hear some man convinced his innocent sister on a date.

Byakuya was most defiantly not in a good mood., "Well I met him at the library a couple weeks ago, he works there." The frown in his face seemed to grow. Rukia noticed this, "His name is.." even though she knew he was angry she still hesitated. No doubt both her brother and Hisana would know him.

"Rukia!" This time it was Hisana, who was getting impatient. Her sudden outburst surprised both Kuchiki siblings.

"His name is Toshiro Hitsugaya." Rukia blushed, finally becoming embarrassed from the situation. The engaged couple shared a look. Hisana was trying to hide her excitement, and Byakuya his anger.

Oh yeah, they knew Hitsugaya. It wasn't like they didn't like him, actually Hisana thought he would be great for Rukia. He was quiet, smart, and understanding. But, she knew he and his last girlfriend had a bad break up. Byakuya simply didn't like the idea.

"Absolutely not, he is too old for you." Hisana sighed, he was just thinking of reasons for her not to go already. Sure, he was probably a few years older, but it happened all the time, it wasn't as big of a deal as Byakuya was making it seem.

"But! I-" Rukia looked angry. Hisana has seen Rukia sad, happy, miserable, hopeful, regretful, grateful, and even upset. But never, ever had she seen her mad enough to _glare _at her older brother who she absolutely adored.

"Byakuya can I talk to you for a second?" Not even waiting for a response, Hisana pulled the taller man into the kitchen, totally ignoring the angry look he sent her. Once they were in private, she turned to him and sent him a look so deadly, even he was proud of it. "What do you think your doing?"

"Preventing some jerk from hurting my sister." he crossed his arms across his chest and looked down at her, but Hisana would not give in. "What are you doing?'

"Preventing some jerk from hurting his sister." She turned his own words on him, and he didn't seem to happy about it.

"How am_ I_ hurting her?"

"Because your stopping her from doing something that all teenage girls do! They go on dates, they hang out with friends!" she only paused, "I know you want her to feel as normal as possible, so why are you trying to stop her?" Hisana let go of her dangerous expression, and replaced it with a soft look.

"I'm not opposed to this _date_," he spat out the word almost like it was poison, "because she's sick. I'm stopping this _date_, because she's my sister, and I have to protect her." He didn't look mad anymore either, just frustrated. Byakuya rubbed his hands over his face dramatically

"Why?"

"Because nobody else will." He practically growled out, and Hisana was reminded of Rukia's absent father. She also noticed the stress lines on his face. She sighed loudly. He was taking on so much all by himself, she wished he would at least open up to her more about what bothered him.

"Byakuya I understand, really I do. But stopping her from doing anything that could possibly hurt her is more damaging than anything that could ever happen." She walked up to him and looked at him sympathetically before embracing him in a tight grip which he quickly returned.

"Hisana?" She made a noise at the back of her throat to show she was listening.

"Thank you."

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><p>It was later that same day, and Rukia was sitting in her therapist's office waiting for him to be ready to start their session. She wouldn't be waiting if her older brother wasn't currently speaking to Dr. Kurosaki, for what seemed like hours.<p>

Just in the middle of hundredth sigh of the day, her dear therapist walked through the door smiling. "Good afternoon Rukia," he sat at his seat and opened his drawer and retrieved his 'Rukia notebook' (as she would like to call it.) She didn't know if it was a good or bad thing, that he had a whole giant journal dedicated just to her.

"Good afternoon." He pulled out a pen, and started to swiftly write down notes. Normally he would just write the date at the beginning of the session, but he was writing much to long for just that.

When he finally stopped writing, he looked up to her and smiled, the familiar warm, homey expression she was used to seeing on his face. "Your brother tells me your going on a date with a young man this Saturday." Rukia mentally groaned, _of course he did_.

"Yes, I am." She smiled just thinking about it. Although, it didn't take long for the nervous feeling spread through her body like wildfire. "He's taking me to dinner."

"Oh, that's nice." he leaned back in his swivel chair, which after years of knowing him, she knew it meant the 'how-does-that-make-you-feel' mode was about to come out of the older man. "And what do you feel about the whole situation?"

Rukia almost smiled at her correct assumption. Almost. "Nervous, scared I guess," she pulled her knees to her chest (which after years of knowing her, Isshin knew meant she was uncomfortable with what she was about to say) "I've never done this kind of thing before, I'm constantly afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or break out in physco Rukia."

He frowned at the way she refereed to herself. "Rukia, the best advice I can give is.." he paused and thought better of what he was about to say, "this is coming from me, the person who cares about the girl I've seen grow up in front of me, not the therapist." He pulled forward and placed his elbows on his large desk.

"You need to stop worrying about what could happen, and what this guy wants to see, and focus on being you," he smiled warmly, "and not anyone else."

Rukia nodded in understanding. Their really was truth in his words, Rukia decides. It made sense that she would show him who she was, so that if he liked her, then it would be for her. Suddenly, the forever going nervousness that she felt when ever she thought of him seemed to disappear. And she was determined to be herself, but admittedly maybe a slightly more confident self.

She was excited for this dinner with Toshiro. Rukia could already picture the possible outfits that she could wear.

Saturday was only five days away, it would be here in no time.

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><p>Saturday was an eternity away. It seemed like the days were stretching on and on. To top it all off, it had been raining all week, and Rukia hated rain. She was in her bedroom laying on her bed, just staring at the high ceiling thinking about the rest of her life. She was feeling depressed for some reason. What was she really going to do with her life? Sure she would love to be a Fashion designer, but is that really realistic? Would anybody even buy her clothes? Can she even live by herself? All these questions seemed to be playing a loop in her mind.<p>

_Why can't I just be normal? _No one can keep track of how many times a day she asks herself that. Where would she be now if she was normal? In high school, living at that house with her father, with friends, homework, drama, and other everyday things?

Rukia thought, _what kind-of person would I even be? _Would she be popular? Nerdy? Funny? Boring? She felt a pain in her chest when she came to the realization that she would never know what sort of life she would've lead.

What would it be like if mother was still alive? The deep pain in her chest seemed to radiate through the rest of her body, and to her eyes where Rukia felt the familiar stinging behind her closed eyelids.

_X_

"_Mommy look!" a young Rukia screamed out to get her mothers attention. _

"_Wow, Rukia, that is a very pretty flower," the older Rukia look-alike said, with a loving expression on her face. The five year-old held up a beautiful red rose to her mother, "is this for me?" _

"_Yes! I picked it just for you!" The young Rukia, ran through the oversized garden to a in bloom rose bush. She reached out, and grabbed for another flower for her mother. "OW!" She quickly withdrew her hand, to see a medium size thorn stuck in her finger, with small blood droplets squeezing out. _

_After hearing Rukia's shout of pain, her mother rushed over to see what had happened. "Ru-ru, what's wrong?" was immediately asked upon seeing her crying daughter. Instead of answering, she simply held out her hand. _

"_Aww baby, your okay, come on lets go inside, and I'll make it all better." Rukia nodded and rushed into her mothers arms to be carried. _

_X_

_At least she died before I was diagnosed, _Was not really a comforting thought to Rukia. She still remembers everything about the day of the accident. The people, the sounds, and god the smells were the worst. Hot pavement on burned flesh, smoking gasoline, the smell of cigarettes. She could smell it all so clearly, as if she had just been ran over by a car in front of her all over again.

It was an accident really. The family of four was outside at the park, Rukia and Byakuya were passing a ball around. When Byakuya decided he was done, she got upset and kicked the ball as hard as she could. Which happened to be across the street.

After realizing she was being foolish, she went to go retrieve the soccer ball. Not bothering to look where she was going, a large truck came out from around the corner, and was headed straight for the small seven year old.

Luckily her mother got to her in time to knock her out of the way, unfortunately she couldn't save herself.

Thinking about it, Rukia couldn't help but think that she caused a lot of problems. Especially for Byakuya. She was the reason he and their father were always fighting. Sure, the man didn't like her and they had no relationship what-so-ever, but she didn't want the same for Byakuya.

Rukia never really understood why Byakuya always stuck up for her. She had done some pretty awful things in the past. Being the reason their mother died, which in turn turned their father cold. Freaking away his first serious girlfriend. God, she could _still _remember the look on her porcelain face as she scowled down at her. Attacking him, and almost killing him. Rukia closed her eyes tightly, trying not to think about charging at the one family member she had left, with a sharp steak knife.

She never would forget all the blood the spewed from his arm, after pulling it up in protection. She would never forget waking up in the hospital terrified, alone, and in restraints. She would always remember how angry she was at Byakuya for completely forgiving her._ How could he? _How could he walk into her hospital room (the first person to visit her in twenty four hours) and ask her if _she_ was okay?

_Bleach, other cleaning agents and strangely the smell of flowers filled the air around the wide-awake ten year old girl. Being in the hospital really wasn't that bad. On her second day, they removed the bindings that held her to the bed, and let her watch T.V. Today was her third day and also her tenth birthday. _

_Although it wasn't that bad, she still wanted to go home and be in the safety of her bedroom. She wanted to be surrounded by her abundance of stuffed animals, so that she wouldn't feel so lonely. The plain white walls in her room were great and all, but they really didn't compare to her princess pink. _

_She was watching a show she had never seen before on T.V. Which wasn't very surprising, she didn't watch much television. Just when she was beginning to become bored with the unknown show, a loud knock sounded throughout the room, before the door opened and a very familiar sixteen year old walked through the door. _

_Before she could even start with the apologies all over again, Rukia noticed the expression on his face. Stressed, frustrated, angry, upset, but most of all...sad. Like if he were a lesser person, Byakuya would be in tears. "Byakuya-nii-sama, what's wrong, I really am super sorry for what I-" _

"_Rukia, how many times do I have to tell you to just call me Byakuya?" The usual amusement wasn't there like it usually was when he reminded her that. Truth is, Rukia only called him that because their father wanted her to._

"_...Byakuya, what's wrong? Are you mad at me? I understand." He was seated on the corner of her bed, and his face was in his hands, his body was slouched over with his elbows on his knees. The familiar white bandage she couldn't help but stare at was visible. _

"_No Rukia I'm not mad at you." She was worried, why else would he be acting this way. It was also worrying how he completely trusted her still, even after what she did to him. Which she still didn't understand. Why would she do that? She would never want to hurt her brother. Was it this sickness the doctors said she had?She didn't even remember much of what happened and she didn't like to think about it. _

"_Well, what's-" Her words were caught of from her shock at the situation. The feeling of his warm arms wrapped around her, and pulled her tight to his chest, and squeezed tightly, almost painfully. "...Byakuya?" Rukia was scared now, why was he acting like this? All she knew was that she wasn't going to like it. _

"_Rukia you might not understand now, but your going to be going somewhere where..."_

Rukia's memory faded out when she felt the urge to sneeze, but it quickly passed. She remembered every second of that day clearly. The worst part of the whole twenty four hours, was when the staff made Byakuya leave her in her new room all by herself. Scared, lonely, and confused. She cried and begged the man who told him to leave, to let him stay.

That first night was the worst. She couldn't sleep at all, if her eyes shut for any amount of time that was more than a blink, they would be shot open. Rukia was so terrified about where she was. All she knew was what one of the ladies wearing green scrubs told her. _"Sweetheart, your going to be here for a while, I'm coming back to check on you first thing in the morning. I'll answer any questions you have then okay?" _No it wasn't okay to leave a child unaware of what was going on over the night. When the women came back she found an exhausted Rukia curled up in a ball, and sobbing without tears.

Throughout the next couple of months, she fully understood what was going on. She was locked up in a mental hospital, and would be until she turned eighteen. She would later learn that it would be moved down to sixteen, and her guardian would be her brother. Byakuya. He visited her every single Sunday he could since day one.

Every once in awhile she would meet a really nice patient, doctor, volunteer, tutor, or community service member. But, she could never say she had a real friend until meeting Hinamori. She was assigned to work there for six months to repay for something (Rukia never knew what it was). Unfortunately, she lost touch with her months before she was released.

You would think that being without much humanly contact she would be a social cripple. While Rukia wasn't the best in social situations, she was a lot better than she could've been. That was all to the credit of the massive library in the hospital. She most've read at least three books a week.

Throughout the six years she was confined to that building, she had never once been visited by her father. She missed the man he used to be before her mother died. He would do anything for his family. He was a great dad, but now she could barely remember what he looked like.

When she saw him at the door at the apartment, she didn't even recognize him until, staring at him for a minute. She hoped one day he would talk to her like he used too. Lovingly. She was his little princess.

But more than anything in the world she hoped Byakuya didn't lose him because of her. He didn't deserve that.

Rukia was interrupted from her thoughts when Byakuya poked his head in the door. But before saying anything, he noticed that Rukia was all curled up obviously in one of her 'bad' moods. "Hisana made dinner," he was about to walk out the door again. She felt like she needed to say something.

"Byakuya?" He turned around at the sound of his name. He leaned against the door frame, with an eyebrow raised.

"How did...why did you forgive me so easily?" He looked confused, "when I did...that to your arm." He sighed heavily, and walked through the door.

"Because I knew that it wasn't really you who did this to me." The older sibling sat down on her bed facing away from her, "why do you ask?"

"Because I don't understand. I've done so many bad things to you I don't understand how you always forgive me." She scooted up her bed, to sit beside him, "like remember the time when I was first showing signs of schizophrenia." She paused, not really liking the word in her mouth, "your girlfriend came over for the first time, and you both walked into your bedroom, and I was sitting on your bed crying from the awful hallucinations I was having." He looked at her with a look on his face that clearly said _go on._

"You asked me why I was crying, and I told you what I was seeing. She said 'Byakuya your family is _way_ too freaky for me' and turned around and walked out the door. You didn't even go after her."

"Rukia how could I have been upset with you?" He shifted to look at her with a look on his face that showed he felt like he was saying the most obvious thing ever. "Why would I ever want to be with someone like that."

She was about to respond when, "you guys are taking forever!" Hisana walked through the door, but paused when she noticed what was going on. She thought better of saying anything about it, "you know the pizza's getting cold."

Rukia gave a smile to herself, "I thought you said she made dinner."

Her brother turned to look at her with an amused look, "well she made the call to order dinner."

Rukia laughed, "totally not the same thing."

Hisana was so confused.

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><p><strong>The date will be next chapter, and i'm really looking foward to it! I have <em>alot<em> planned :) lots and lots of drama. **

**anyway, tell me what you thought please! _REVIEW!_**


	5. Chapter 5

**So this chapter ended up being better than I thought it would be! probably a favorite so far! Rukia's feelings are just so much fun to write!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach (I almost posted it saying Naruto. How embarassing!)**

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><p>It was Sunday night, and Rukia's new found confidence seemed gone. "Rukia, will you pass me the salt?" Hisana asks across the dinner table, and Rukia does so. Both the older people in the room turned to look at the quiet Rukia who hasn't touched a thing on her plate. "Is something wrong?"<p>

Her head shot up, "what? No, I was just..." she sighed and grabbed her fork and began eating. Hisana and Byakuya went back to discussing a paper they had due in a class they shared.

It was just after all the plates had been cleaned, and the food had been put away. Rukia was wiping down the table, and Byakuya was fumbling around in a small cabinet. "Here," he set down a orange bottle and began to walk out of the room, "were going to watch that new movie if you would like to join us." Rukia stared at his back as he walked through the door, and waited a second before opening the bottle, and hiding the little pink pill in her dress pocket.

She knew it was stupid. She knew she was being stupid, but after taking her medicine for the night, she usually got fuzzy, and needed to go to sleep around nine o'clock. She didn't want her first date ever to be fuzzy, and for her to be yawning the whole time. So even though she knew she was being an idiot, Rukia hadn't been taking her medicine for five days, night and morning.

She quietly shuffled to her room, trying to be soundless. Once she reached inside, she shut the door without an ounce of force, and stepped over to her vanity. Opening the drawer, she shoved the tenth pill inside. A total of five a bluish color, and five pink.

X

X

X

Saturday was taking forever to go by. It seemed that it would never get to an appropriate time for her to start dressing up. It felt like every five minutes she would look at the clock, and only one minute went by. It was very frustrating. Rukia was home all alone because her older brother and his fiancee were in their classes right now, and would be for another half an hour which would be around three-thirty. Hisana promised she would be there to help her pick out the perfect outfit. Not that she would need the help.

She sighed once more, and laid down on her large bed. Earlier, Toshiro called to make sure everything was still okay, and that they were still on for later that night. It wasn't anything special, and he couldn't talk long because he was at work. She wondered what Byakuya thought about his sister going out with a boy. No scratch that. A man. She felt a little queasy at the realization that she had never really been friends with a boy before, and never would she go on a date with one. She was to old for that, now she socialized with _men. _

She tried not to think about the huge gap in her life, but it always seemed to present itself in her mind. She began to become angry. Why would he lock her in that awful place all by herself, and then never come visit her? Why would he do that? It ruined her childhood, she couldn't guess how many sleepless nights she had wondering that same question.

Rukia didn't know she had fallen asleep, until she woke up to see Hisana standing over her with a smile on her face. "Did you forget, because it's already five o'clock." She immediately shot up, almost hitting Hisana in the process. Basically sprinting to her bathroom, where she took a five minute shower.

When she hurried out in a navy blue towel, Hisana was no longer in her room, and the door was shut. Rukia quickly put on her undergarments, and wrapped the towel in her hair. When she stepped into her closet, she was faced with her biggest dilemma. What to wear.

Now Rukia had a humongous walk-in closet, and it was filled to the brim with all kinds of different clothing. When she started sorting through the dresses, one caught her attention. It was light blue, and had small straps, with a jeweled front, and it was very form fitting until it hit the waist where it flared out. "I really like that one," Rukia flinched at the voice directly behind her.

"God, Hisana you scared me," Rukia continued to hold up the pretty dress in hand, trying to imagine the perfect shoes to go with it. Not bothering to turn around. "What kind of shoes do you think I should-" Rukia's voice stopped cold in her throat when she finally turned to face the voice. No onewas there. Her heart began beating hard. _This isn't happening. Not tonight, please not tonight. _She calmed herself, and reasoned that Hisana might have just stepped out of the room. No need to worry.

Rukia took a deep breath and turned around, "oh good, your out of the shower." Rukia flinched once more, and turned to face Hisana at the doorway, holding up a hairbrush and a makeup bag, "I thought maybe you would like some help with your hair and makeup." She trailed of at the end when she noticed Rukia's blank stare, "is something wrong?"

Breaking her out of her staring spell, Rukia gave a fake smile that didn't reach her eyes, "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous." She knew lying was never a good thing, but she worked so hard, and tried so hard for tonight to happen, she didn't need it canceled because of some over-protective brother, and soon to be sister-in-law.

Hisana gave an amused laugh, "there is no reason to be in a dress like that," Rukia looked down to the blue dress still in hand, "it's both casual, and sexy at the same time." Hisana continued to smile at the younger girl. "Are you sure nothings wrong?"

Something snapped in Rukia, "No Hisana I'm fine, what else would I be." She practically growled out and dropped the dress on the floor. Before turning to look out the window on her right, she caught the expression on Hisana's face: Surprised and hurt.

"I'm sorry Hisana," Rukia sighed and walked closer and pulled the older girl into a hug, which was surprising in itself, Rukia was never one for physical contact. None the less, Hisana returned the hug.

"It's okay, I understand, your just stressed," Rukia smiled slightly, "but, there's no need to take it out on such a pretty dress." She said jokingly, and reached over to lift it off the ground before it could become wrinkled. Rukia smiled a real smile this time. "What shoes are you going to wear?"

"I was thinking these," she held up a pair of beautiful silver heals. They had about a three inch heal, and had rhinestones on the tip. Hisana gave Rukia a skeptical smile.

"I don't know those are _really_ pretty but, I thought this was supposed to be a sorta causal date?" Rukia nodded and basically tossed them on the ground. She once again walked into her closet and walked out again with silver flats that seemed identical to the heals. "Perfect!"

After getting Rukia into the dress and shoes she sat at her vanity, and agreed to let Hisana do her hair for her. She was planning on making it pin straight, and styling it beautifully. Before she could begin she needed bobby pins to style her hair correctly, but she didn't have any with her. She grabbed the vanity drawer handle, "No!" Rukia, slammed the drawer closed, "there isn't anything in there, actually it doesn't matter, because how about we curl it instead."

"o-kay, that's fine," Hisana was obviously skeptical about her reasoning, but decided to drop it for now. She began the process of curling Rukia's hair, even when she was almost done, she couldn't help but think that something was wrong in the back of her mind.

X

"What do you think?" Rukia asked as she spun in a large circle. Her dark hair was done in a light wave, that cascaded down to her mid back, her make-up was light. Her eyes were rimmed in a charcoal black, and on her lips a light gloss. Her dress ran to mid-thigh, and was very tight on top. Her long legs, were complemented by her ballerina flat shoes.

Byakuya stared at the two girls who just entered the kitchen. Particularly the girl in question, "absolutely not," he said with a definite tone in his words. The two girls in the room shared a look.

Hisana lifted her naked wrist to her face, "well, would you look at the time! Rukia, you're going to be late!" Hisana basically pushed the younger girl out the door after handing her a small purse, and slammed the door in her face. Once the door was closed, she heard the distant sound of the two arguing.

The walk to the library seemed to take hours and hours. It wasn't very hot out, in fact it felt rather nice. The sun was at a point in the sky that was beautiful. Rukia tried not to think about what had happened earlier, she decided that as soon as she got home, she was going to take her medicine and throw the pills in her drawer away.

Before she knew it, she was at the front steps of the library, looking around for a certain white-headed, tall/short male. She didn't get worried when she didn't see him, because she knew that she was probably a little early. It didn't take long before she heard behind her in that cold/hot voice, "Rukia!" When she turned around, everything seemed to freeze around her.

The sudden shock of the situation was finally hitting her. Here she was a messed up schizophrenic, bipolar girl, going on a date with a guy, and not just any guy. It happened to be the most walking contradiction on earth. He was tall to her but, short to everyone else. He had a warm tone, but it sent shivers down her back, he had white hair, but amazingly tan skin. He could probably have any girl he wanted, yet he chose _her_. The bipolar schizophrenic girl.

Rukia felt nauseous, why was she here? She knew there was no way she would have any idea of what was going on. What if he wanted more than what she was able to give? She shook those thoughts from her mind. This was it: she was going to be strong, confident, beautiful Rukia. Not weak, nervous, timid "Rukia?"

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to space out like that," she was just noticing his outfit, and felt a little under dressed. It wasn't like her was wearing a tux or anything, he was actually just wearing a nice polo, and great jeans, but his aura just radiated confidence. He gave off an amused chuckle when he noticed she was checking him out, she immediately stopped and began to blush a deep red. He really didn't mind, because he was doing the exact same thing, when she didn't know he was there.

"We should probably get going, I made a reservation." Rukia smiled, and began to walk with him. He put a hand on her back to lead her, and it felt like the sun. She was so hyper aware of where his skin was touching her, that she almost didn't notice him stop walking.

They reached a nice looking car, it wasn't Byakuya's that's for sure, and she wasn't a car expert, but it seemed nice, classy, and spacious. He held her door open for her, it bought him a huge smile and a, "thank-you," from Rukia. He smiled in return, and got in the car himself.

Once they were on the road it felt a little awkward for Rukia, it didn't seem like Toshiro felt the same way. It didn't matter much, because they were only driving a few minutes. Rukia breathed a sigh of relief when the reached a building, and Toshiro parked his car and sent a smile her way. When she unbuckled her seat belt, he was already there to open her door for her. Of course he got another huge smile.

Once again he placed his arm around her, but this time he pulled her close to him, and the two foot minimum she kept between them disappeared. She obviously had the mini panic attack that always happened when he touched her. They finally reached the door, and he still didn't let go of her: but she was beginning to hate it less and less. By the time they talked to the hostess, walked to their table and went to sit down, Rukia was missing the warmth when he moved away to pull out her chair for her.

After ordering their drinks, they sat in a comfortable silence, Rukia took this time to observe the restaurant they were sitting in. The atmosphere was calming, and the lighting was at a dim, it was nice and elegant, and Rukia felt dressed appropriately. "So Rukia?" She looked up at him, and smiled, "tell me something about yourself."

Rukia didn't like talking about herself, it always made her feel uncomfortable, and like people were judging her, "well, I'm starting school here in the fall." She smiled sheepishly.

"So you just graduated?" He looked at her questioningly, "what high school did you go to?"

She felt a little awkward, "actually I got my G.E.D last year."

"Oh, so how old are you?" the fact that he didn't seem repulsed by her yet gave her a little more confidence.

"How old are you?"

He laughed, "nineteen," their waitress stepped in and delivered their drinks, "what about you?"

"I'm sixteen," he looked at her clearly in shock, "does that bother you?" She grew anxious when he didn't respond right away, he seemed to be in a daze, "Toshiro?"

"No, that doesn't bother me," he laughed at her assumption, "I was just surprised. I guess I shouldn't be, you are pretty small." She gave him a look, and he froze and realized what he said might have been offensive, "not in a bad way, your size is cute!"

Rukia smiled at him and his flustered look, it was nice to be the one not nervous and about to have a panic attack. Of course she wasn't mad at him, she was actually blushing, and if you looked closely so was he. "Tell me something about yourself..."

X

X

X

He played soccer for the school, and hopefully wanted to reach pro one day, but if that fell through he was an aspiring architect. He grew up in Karakura, loved to read, and secretly he loved sunsets. His hair color was natural, and so was his intense tan.

There was so much she had learned about him in the time span of the hour they were in the fancy little restaurant. She felt like she could be with him for hours, it was so easy. Rukia didn't feel an ounce of nervousness, and she was having an amazing time. She was willing to bet that he was too.

After they finished their meals, Toshiro insisted on paying for her dinner, but she was stubborn. Eventually, he gave in and said that she could buy them ice cream in the park that was a short walk from the restaurant. She agreed, so here they were on their way to the small ice cream kiosk in the park. It was a little before sundown, and the sky was a beautiful mixture of oranges pinks and yellows.

After they each grabbed a ice cream cone, (Toshiro got vanilla and Rukia strawberry) they settled down on a bench over looking a vast field of empty grass sports fields. From where they were sitting the sky looked absolutely amazing.

They were sitting in a comfortable silence for about five minutes, just licking their cones, and enjoying the others silent company. Until, Toshiro decided to break it, "so, you know a lot about me, but I don't really know anything about you. Besides your sixteen, and your at the library all the time."

Rukia sighed slightly, she would never like talking about herself, "I'm studying to be a fashion designer, I like drawing up wedding dresses the best, I live with my brother and his fiance, my favorite color is purple, and I love bunnies." She laughed at his thoughtful expression.

"I would have guessed you to be a cat person." she giggled some more, and he couldn't help but think how incredibly innocent it sounded. He could already feel himself growing attached to her, she was more different than any girl he had ever met. Rukia wasn't like most people, she was naive, innocent, but also amazingly beautiful. He hoped that she would never become corrupted, like so many of the good looking did.

What started as harmless flirting for him, was quickly becoming a lot more serious, weather she realized it or not. He knew he was rushing into things, but he had never met anyone quite like Rukia, and he was willing to bet that he never would again. "Rukia, can we maybe see each other again sometime?"

Her heart soared at his serious question, she felt elated that it wasn't just her who was having an amazing time tonight, "actually, ye-"

"Hitsugaya!" A distant voice said, interrupting her response. Both of their heads turned and they saw a tall boy running towards them. He had florescent orange hair, an angular face, and Rukia was praying that this wasn't actually happening and was in her delusions.

Because there was absolutely no way that Ichigo Kurosaki was running up to them. But he was, because Toshiro saw him to, and apparently knew him. "Kurosaki? What are you doing here?"

"I thought I saw you and I-" he paused when he noticed Rukia sitting next to him. _Please no, please no, please not now. _Everything was going perfect of course this was bound to happen. "Hey! I know you! Your the girl _always_ at my dads office, Rukia right?" she cringed, and closed her eyes tightly, wishing that he would just go away. "Do you still get therapy from him?" _Why me? _She could feel the familiar sting in the back of her eyes alerting her that she was about to cry.

Because there was no way Toshiro would have any interest in her now. Now that he knew she needed counseling. Right after everything was going perfect, Ichigo just had to come running up, practically screaming to the one person, (besides Byakuya and Hisana) that she willing opens up to, that she's some nut that needs therapy.

The familiar orange haired man was staring at her waiting for an answer that she was never going to give. She didn't turn to look at Toshiro, because she didn't know if she was strong enough to fight back her tears if she saw the look of disgust on his face.

So instead of saying anything, she just stood up and started walking away where she felt a few tears force there way out when she realized she would probably never see him again. He was so wonderful too. He was patient, kind, gorgeous, understanding, he was perfect for her. She thought that maybe after he really began to like her, then she might be able to work up the courage to tell him everything. But Ichigo ruined it all. She knew it was wrong to blame it on him, but she was upset. Sure it wasn't his fault she was so messed up, but he didn't need to practically announce it to her date.

Toshiro was frozen from everything that had just happened. It all seemed like it just went so fast, one minute they were having an amazing time, the next Kurosaki walks up and really upsets Rukia enough for her to walk away. This was not okay with Toshiro.

When the older orange haired male announced that Rukia went to a therapist, he saw the pain that it brought to her face. She looked hurt, and it really bothered him. Like an itch that wouldn't go away, because every time he scratched it, it got more and more intense. The itch he was feeling was the urge to hug her and tell her everything would be okay. He felt absolutely stupid. Here he was on a first date with a girl he just met, and all he knows about her is she likes bunnies, and the color purple yet, he felt the overwhelming urge to comfort her.

And here she was walking away because she probably thinks that he doesn't like her anymore because of some stupid therapist. This was definitely not okay with Toshiro.

He got up, and practically sprinted after her, in the background he could hear Ichigo yelling at him, but he didn't really comprehend what he was saying. Everything seemed like a blur, until he finally caught up to a certain violet eyed, petite beauty walking away from him.

Rukia didn't notice anyone behind her until a hand tugged on her arm and spun her around, and she was facing a determined looking Toshiro. She turned her head away so that he wouldn't see the tears leaking out of her eyes that she was desperately willing to go away. He still had a hold of her arm, and with his other hand, he reached up and cupped her face, to wipe the tears away with the pad of his thumb.

"Rukia, I don't care if you go to a therapist, all I care about is the amazing girl standing in front of me, who's crying." he said softly, and she looked up at him shocked. She was absolutely amazed by what he said, and it set of a new round of tears.

She pulled away from him and wiped them off herself, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have ran away like that, I just thought..." she trailed off knowing he would be able to catch on to what she was trying to say. He gave her the slight smile that she was becoming used too before pulling her in closer, and holding her small frame tightly.

It wasn't overly passion filled, or incredibly tight. It was just a reassuring hug, that seemed very out of character for him. None the less, she accepted it gratefully, and returned it just a strong. Her heart was beating rapidly from all the emotions in such a short span, and she was hoping that he couldn't feel it.

His ocean filled scent nearly drove her insane, and his warm body was much closer than anyone not related to her in some way, had ever been, but for some reason, she wasn't panicking. Actually, she didn't want it to end.

Ever

"Hisana is something bothering you?"

All night, his wife-to-be seemed lost in thought and always sighing in confusion. At first, he just thought it was from their five second fight that led to much more... heated activities, but he realized that she was acting that way even before Rukia left.

Which he was still upset about; what kind of brother was he to let his baby sister outside in public in such a short dress? He was suppose to protect her, not encourage creeps to hit on her. But when he mentioned this to Hisana she simply said that Hitsugaya would be able to protect her if any 'creeps' hit on her. The idea still didn't thrill Byakuya.

He was broken out of his thoughts when he heard Hisana sigh once more, "nothings wrong, I just got this feeling that there is." He looked at her with an eyebrow raised at her confusing comment. "What I mean is, Rukia was acting really strange before she left."

"How so?" Rukia acting weird wasn't really very surprising, the girl was cut off from the world for six years. Although, it must have been really different for it to be seriously bothering Hisana.

"Well, when I walked in after her shower she was glaring off into space, and then was kinda defensive. She said something nasty to me, but quickly apologized." Byakuya still wasn't understanding. It was no secret that Rukia was bipolar. "The weirdest thing was when she forcefully wouldn't let me open her vanity drawer. At first, I just thought she was nervous, but now that I think about it, it all seemed really strange to me."

Byakuya sat up from his slouched over position on the couch, and looked very questioning, like he was asking himself things, but was getting no answers. "I'm sure I'm just being paranoid.." She trailed off when Byakuya got up from his seat and began walking to Rukia's room. Hisana immediately caught on, "Byakuya! You can't just go through her things!" By the end of her sentence he was already at the door.

"And why not?"

"Because! It's an invasion of privacy! Because what if she has something in there that were not suppose to see! Like porn or thongs!" He paused and gave her a look that said, _please don't continue I would rather not hear anything about porn and my sister in the same sentence. _

She seemed to get the message, and ran up to follow him when he disappeared into her room. By the time she reached the inside of her room, he already had a hand on the only drawer on the vanity. She knew there was no point in trying to stop him now.

The expression on his face immediately after pulling it open, told her everything. Rukia did something she clearly wasn't suppose to.

Byakuya was not angry.

He was furious.

* * *

><p><strong>I love those last couple lines! As always tell me what you think! PLEASE REVIEW! it means so much to me to hear what people have to say!<strong>

**Honestly I'm kinda stuck on the next chapter, I know what I want to happen, but putting it into words is hard!**

**!REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 6

**So this chapter is kinda depressing. writing made me kinda in a not-so-cheerful mood. honestly im just happy to post this and move on to a different chapter. :(**

**oh and thanks to those anonymous reviwers that I cant send messeges to!**

**Disclaimer: I Dont own Bleach**

* * *

><p>It was just the beginning of night, the stars were out and they looked like a million shinning pin pricks across a deep never ending midnight blue. The moon was brightly lit and was shinning down on the two teenagers walking down the side-walk hand in hand.<p>

Of course Rukia was a pile of goo when Toshiro held his hand out to her earlier that night for her to hold. Against all her protests and refusals that he didn't have to go through the trouble, Toshiro was walking her home.

Their first date would never be forgotten by Rukia, and Toshiro for that matter. They both had an amazing time with the other, and were eager to do it again soon. Dinner was simple, easy and uneventful. Ice cream in the park was frustrating, and upsetting, but before Ichigo came around it was peaceful, and relaxing. After that they decided just to walk along the parks sidewalk and talk for a while before going home.

Which led them to now, standing in front of Rukia's door, that would lead her inside to face her brother and sister in law, that were sure to be waiting up for her. When Toshiro leaned in Rukia lost all coherent thought. Her heart was pounding harder than she ever thought it could, and she was sure her face was the color of a tomato. She almost didn't realize that he was leaning away, and that he had kissed her cheek. It took her a second to remember the soft feel of his beautiful lips on her skin. She tried to get herself to calm down, as he spoke to her, "I'll call you?" She rapidly nodded.

Rukia stood at the doorway until ten seconds after the elevator door closed on him, and she was left alone to calm down her nervousness before stepping in to the shared apartment. After she pushed the door wide open, she immediately saw the other two tenets. And half of them didn't look happy at all.

The smile quickly faded from the young girls face at the expression on her older brothers face. "Is something wrong?" She brought herself to sit in the loveseat facing the couch which seated Byakuya and Hisana. Instead of answering her, Byakuya leaned out and practically slammed his palm on the table, releasing what-ever was in his hand.

The familiar blueish and pink pills stared at her from the table. So many things rushed through the girls head at that moment. Why was he going through her room? How was she going to get out of this one? Why was she stupid enough to leave the medication in her vanity drawer? The earlier nervousness came back in the form of overwhelming dread.

Rukia didn't even speak, she knew how stupid it was to skip out on her medication, and she didn't have anything to say that would justify putting herself (and other people) in danger. Byakuya sighed obviously trying to control his anger from yelling, "please explain to me what the _hell_ you were thinking?" Rukia inwardly flinched. Byakuya only cursed when he was _really_ upset.

"I just wanted," Rukia paused trying to catch her breath, she had a funny feeling in her chest, not of nervousness but shock; she could feel a panic attack coming on.

"Tell them Rukia. Tell them all about why you weren't taking you pills." A familiar voice said to her in the back of her mind. The voice was haunting, and sounded very chilling. Her breathing picked up, and she looked behind her, to see if someone was standing there speaking. Nothing was there.

"Rukia?" She barley heard Byakuya's concerned voice.

"Rukia go ahead, tell them so they'll prevent you from seeing Hitsugaya." The voice reminded her, of course they wouldn't let her see him anymore, she didn't take her medicine so that she wouldn't be drowsy for him. Inadvertently they would see it as his fault, she rationalized.

"Rukia?" She heard Byakuya ask her again.

"Rukia, Think about it. Of course they would do that to you. Because of Byakuya, you were locked up in that place. He'll take this happiness from you too."

"Rukia are you listening to me?" The girl didn't know who was speaking to her, everything was jumbling together in her mind.

"No Rukia, listen to me. He destroyed your happiness, remember." Rukia felt like the room was spinning. She clinched her eyes tightly together and put her head in her hands. She felt a deep pain from behind her eyes. The headache was forming after forcing herself to try and pick out who was speaking to her.

"No, no he didn't! Your lying." Rukia whispered desperately. She clinched her eyes tighter if possible.

"Rukia! Whats happening?"

"It's true. He's the one who suggested putting you in that mental hospital."

"Rukia!"

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up" She was begging, as tears wormed there way through her squeezed shut eyelids. She reached up and fingered her hands through her hair, and pulled her hair in frustration so tightly that a few pieces were already being pulled out.

"He wanted you to stay in there forever."

Rukia was so out of it that she didn't hear her brother's voice directing Hisana to a kitchen cabinet. She was so desperately crying and pulling her hair, that she didn't feel Byakuya rubbing her back soothingly or trying to force her hands away from her head. But when she felt the piercing pinprick in her arm, she pulled her eyes open, sat up some and saw a long needle slowly being pulled from the skin of her upper arm.

Immediately everything blurred, but it cleared away a second later and she saw Hisana crying and holding a small glass bottle and the syringe cap, and her brother, who she didn't realize was sitting right next to her until now. Byakuya handed the older girl who was slightly crying, the syringe back. She took it with shaky hands. That's when everything started to blur back out.

She felt a hand guide her into laying down on what she assumed was her brothers leg. Rukia didn't have the energy to move anymore, she fighting so hard just to keep her eyes open, which was a loosing battle, although it didn't matter much because all she could comprehend was blobs and the feeling of a warm hand rubbing her back.

* * *

><p>"What just happened?" Hisana said after just a few minutes of Rukia being unconscious. It came out a little shaky, and Hisana was unsure if she even got it out right. It was suppose to be a normal day, but everything was just going horrible wrong.<p>

After finding Rukia's little stash of her hidden medication, Byakuya became so angry, she had never seen him so mad. But he didn't speak, just sat down on the couch and patiently waited until Rukia got home. So she waited with him.

When Rukia stepped into the apartment, she looked so happy, but immediately knew that something was going on, so she sat down, but not even five minutes of sitting in the seat and she began to speak things that didn't make any sense to her. Rukia looked like she was in so much pain, yet she was causing it herself after awhile when she started to pull her hair out.

That's when Byakuya, who was already sitting next to her sister, ordered her to go grab the empty syringe and the bottle next to it, from the kitchen cabinet that housed all of Rukia's medications. He had her fill the needle with the medicine, and he took it from her and practically slammed it into his sisters arm, but it seemed to work, because not even thirty seconds later, she was basically falling over. By the next minute, she was completely unconscious.

And now, Byakuya had Rukia's head in his lap, and he was steadily rubbing her back in an act of comfort. Hisana felt it was more for himself than anything. He had an expression on his face that she just didn't want to see anymore. Her fiance looked so defeated. Like he was the one who had to be sedated. He hadn't glanced up from Rukia's peaceful face since she closed her eyes, he didn't even answer Hisana's question. She felt like she just might cry again if he didn't stop looking so wounded, so beaten.

But she understood his pain when he uttered words so quiet, she thought that she imagined it, "we need to take her to the hospital."

* * *

><p>Rukia opened her eyes and noticed two things. 1, The light was so blindingly bright, she had to close her eyes again. 2, Her scalp really <em>really <em>hurt.

When she tried to bring her hands up to feel her head, neither would move. Immediately she knew she was on the fourth floor in the Karakura hospital. They brought the 'mentally sick' people here; people who tried to commit suicide, and people who had various mental problems. People like her. She herself had only been here once, right before she was sent to the mental hospital a few blocks away. Rukia hoped she would never return.

Rukia pulled herself up into a sitting position, and looked down to confirm her suspicions: her arms were restrained to the bed. She sighed and looked around the room, no one else was there, but she wasn't too surprised. Patients in this area of the hospital are only aloud to be visited for a few hours a day for various safety reasons, so obviously there was no point in visiting someone when there sleeping.

Rukia really didn't have the energy to care, she was extremely tired, and now she was bored out of her mind. But, she wouldn't be bored for long, because a female nurse walked through the door, and was shocked to see Rukia staring at her. "I'm impressed, we all thought you would be asleep for a few more hours."

Instead of responding Rukia just gave a fake smile. She was too emotionally drained to be her normal cheerful self. What if she were to be sent back to the mental hospital? Her eyes clinched shut, trying to wish the thought away; but it wouldn't go anywhere. She wouldn't be able to stand it if she were forced to return to that place. She didn't have any friends there, she didn't have a life there, ever day was the same boring routine. Wake up, eat nasty breakfast, do nothing, go outside for half an hour, eat nasty lunch, meet with her therapist, do nothing, eat nasty dinner, take a shower, go to bed. Every single day.

Rukia couldn't do it, she pulled at her restraints in frustration, but they wouldn't budge. She had to get out of there before they sent her back. She kept pulling and pulling at her wrists trying to release them from the bed railings. "Hey sweetheart! Your bruising your skin!" immediately Rukia stopped, because she knew it was futile, she wasn't going anywhere. Except maybe back to her small white room, with her small white bed, and her small meaningless life.

She began to cry once the nurse stepped foot out of her room, she didn't really care where the women was going, and who she was going to get. She just wanted out.

X

Once Rukia's anger was gone she was left with self pity, and dread. For some reason she couldn't stop the tears, she had been crying off and on for a good three hours. Three lonely hours. When the nurse returned with a doctor, he said that it was late at night, and her 'relatives' would be notified in the morning that she could be visited. This information would only bring more sadness to Rukia. Of course, the hospital would not only be contacting Byakuya, because he was her 'guardian' but also they would call her father.

This only spelled disaster for Rukia. She hated the fact that her once loving father thought she was a physco who couldn't handle herself in society, and this would only bring him more cause to hate her, and look down on her. Not only that, but he would probably be mad at Byakuya too, and that was the last thing she wanted.

Just thinking about Byakuya made her frown, and cry all over again. All the things she had done to him, he always forgave her. Would this be the last time? This time was bad, she embarrassed him in front of Hisana, and was clearly being a burden. It was different from all the other times, because it really was her fault, she was the one who stopped taking her medicine.

And Hisana. God Hisana. She would definitely never look at her the same way again. She was going to think she was some freak, and maybe she would even want to leave. No! Rukia would rather move out, and live in some dorm room than ever be the cause of Byakuya and Hisana splitting up. She saw the way he always looked at her. Her brother absolutely adored her. Rukia vowed she would never be the reason for that to end.

Rukia paused in her crying and her inner rant, to reach up and finger a lock of her long hair. That was one good thing the doctor did for her, he said her psychological evaluation showed that she was a non-suicidal risk, so one of her arms were freed from the tight restraints. Unfortunately, he said that because of her history, they could be to sure of the safety of others so he left one arm tied to the bed. This gave her more reason to cry, she reasoned with him that she would never purposely hurt someone.

She could feel a few spots on her scalp where there was little hair from being ripped out by her hands.

She groaned, at the thought, she must look hideous.

She pulled her arm down when she heard the door to her left open, and then gently close. Because she was laying on her back, she didn't see who it was, Rukia knew it was most likely Byakuya, and she was dreading the conversation she was about to start. She sighed heavily and around to the position on her back.

"Byakuya I-" her words froze in her throat at the site of who was standing at the left of her. Soujun Kuchiki was a very intimidating looking man, he had a hard, cold appearance, and he looked much older than he really was. Rukia was more surprised at why he was standing at the door looking at her with an interesting look on his face, "Father."

He nodded, and sat down at the seat right behind him. Rukia was trying her best not to look at him. He hated her, and she never really got over the fact that he hadn't once come to see her in all the time she was locked up in the mental hospital.

Seeing him after so long was a strange feeling. Even though he looked a lot different she still recognized him. His hair was definitely growing gray, and he was beginning to have wrinkles appear over his face.

"Rukia," he sighed heavily, and he had her full attention, "I knew I haven't always been there for you, and I know this is a bad time but I wanted to apologize." The fear that had built up the second she saw him, seemed to form itself into tears. She tried to stop crying she really did, and it wasn't like she was sobbing or anything, but none the less it was still embarrassing.

"When I got a call early this morning that my daughter was in the hospital, I knew that this couldn't wait." Rukia looked at him with confusion, she had a bad feeling about this.

"What couldn't wait?" Rukia stopped her crying, and became skeptical of his reasoning.

"I want to make up for how I've," he paused, "acted. I'm going to give you rights to your trust fund." while he was talking he pulled a few papers out of his brief case, and handed them over to Rukia. Who was so shocked she didn't even look them over.

_Trust fund?_ She knew Byakuya had one. A large one at that, but she would have never guessed that she did too. And why now of all times was he deciding to give it to her? If it was some sort of apology, Rukia didn't know if she could accept it. Sure, it was probably millions and millions of dollars, but her forgiveness being purchased seemed wrong to her in many ways.

She glanced down at the two papers in her hand, confirming all of_ one hundred million dollars_, was going straight into her new bank account, and attached to one of the papers was a bright blue credit card. This all made Rukia very suspicions of the mans reasoning, but none the less, she was more than happy to hear him sort-of apologize. It's what she wanted to hear for more than six years, but for some reason she imagined herself feeling a lot better than what she currently was feeling.

"But," her heart sank, of course there was a 'but', "I was thinking maybe with this money, you could maybe get away for awhile. You know see the world or something. Maybe, that's exactly what you need, some time away."

Rukia gave a sigh, and set the papers back on her lap, "if your just giving me this so that I'll be far away from you or Byakuya, then you can keep your money." He looked surprised, "and, if that's all you came here for, then you can leave now."

She knew that the normal her would never, ever say something like that to anyone, but she was a little more than upset. What kind of father just walks into his daughters life after seven years, and practically demands her to leave the country. _A bad one_, was all her head was telling her, she was desperately holding in her tears and sobs. Rukia wanted to cry so bad that it hurt her eyes and throat, she wanted someone to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Byakuya would forgive her like always, her father would never come into her life again, Hisana won't think any different of her. She wanted her mom.

When she heard footsteps walk, and close the door behind him, Rukia sunk to her side facing away from the door, and preceded to cry her eyes out.

She wanted everything to go back to normal.

She wanted to _be_ normal.

* * *

><p>Walking through the hallway was an interesting experience for Byakuya. Being ogled by every nurse he walked by, and passing his father in the hallway was always fun. His eyes narrowed in confusion, the man didn't notice his son walking by because of the busy hallway, and he was talking on his cell phone.<p>

Byakuya wasn't naive enough to think that he wasn't walking away from the direction of Rukia's room for a reason. He obviously was just visiting her, and the older man did not look happy for some reason. Which wasn't much of a surprise; the man was never happy.

Stepping up to Rukia's room, he eyed the doorway before opening it. There was no telling the mood Rukia would be in, after having an attack she always seemed to go in a sort of depression like state until realizing that nothing has changed and that nobody thinks different of her. She was always so ashamed, and endlessly asks him for forgiveness, before he would say there wasn't anything to forgive.

Sighing, Byakuya pushed open the solid door and closed it behind him once he stepped in the small room. Only one lamp was on, so the room was rather dark, but definitely not to dark as to not be able to see anything. His sister was lying on her side facing away from him, and judging by her shaking body, and sniffling, she was crying.

Stepping over into her line of vision, she looked at him with surprise, "Byakuya?" she seemed relieved that he was the one in the room with her.

"Who else did you expect?" He asked in confusion, she shook her head, wiped her face, and sat up to face him more directly. "What's that?" Rukia turned to look in the direction he was facing. On the bench guests used for sitting were two papers.

Rukia looked surprised, " I thought he took those with him," Byakuya walked over, and picked them up before examining him. He was completely blown away. Even though the money left to her was a fraction of what was given to him, it was still shocking that their father gave a cent to her. Byakuya looked at her questioningly, trying to figure out what happened to make her cry so hard. Even now she was still sniffling. She sighed loudly, "he's giving me all that money so that I'll get out of your life."

Byakuya clinched his fist in anger, "your not going anywhere." He demanded, and Rukia looked at him in shock that he would be so abrasive with her.

"I know, that's what I said," she said defensively, and instead of answering her, sighed just as heavily as Rukia just did. He sat down and put his hands on his face. Byakuya suddenly felt very exhausted, and just wanted to lay down and sleep. He was slouched over in a very un-professional like posture.

One minute everything was fine, and now everything seemed to be changing for the worse in Rukia's life, he didn't even know what to say to her, she was very obviously upset about something other than their fathers visit, because she was barely looking at or talking to him.

He was broken out of his thoughts when he heard Rukia talk so quiet that at first he thought he was just imagining it, "where's Hisana?" he was so caught off guard by her question that he lifted his head out of his hands, and looked at her with a confused expression.

"At home," he sighed at realization at what this was about, "Rukia, she isn't mad at you and she doesn't think differently of you in anyway." The younger girl sighed, and looked out the small sealed shut window.

She seemed deep in thought, and he wasn't about to break her from it. For some reason Rukia looked really... breakable. Like if he said one wrong thing, she would break into tiny pieces. Which really wasn't that strange, Rukia always seemed out of it so soon after having an attack as bad as the one yesterday. Looking her over, she seemed like she was squeezed tight on the one side of the bed. Upon further inspection, he noticed she was restrained to the bed post.

After sighing for what felt like the millionth time, he stood up and was about to go talk to the head doctor, when he noticed her hair. In a few spots it looked a lot more thinning, it was defiantly noticeable. "It looks bad doesn't it?" Said the hurt voice of his little sister.

"It's just hair, it'll grow back," she smiled softly up at him. "I'll be right back, I'm going to see if I can get your doctor to release that." He said pointing to her arm.

She nodded, and he stepped over to the door but was frozen at the sound of her voice, "I'm sorry," she sounded wounded.

Even if he felt like he's said it a million times before, it definitely needed to be said now, "you have no reason to be."

Nothing changes.

* * *

><p><strong>I dont really have much to say. for once. <strong>

**!REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Im sorry:( from the bottom of my heart I really am. I havent updated in practically forever. the reason was i was soooo busy I had soccer everyday, and I'm taking 3 AP classes, so i have TONS of homework nightly. good news: soccer seasons over! so hopefully it wont take that long again. no promises unfortunatley. more good news: longest chapter yet!**

**I hope you love this chapter:) I do. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Bleach. **

* * *

><p>Sigh, "Rukia, you need to take your medicine," said the soft voice of her brother seated at the kitchen table. In front of the younger girl was two lightly colored orange pills and a glass of water. Byakuya was reading his newspaper in front of her, not really paying much attention.<p>

It had been about two weeks since she was admitted to the hospital, and only three days since she was released. Her doctors had decided that it was time to increase her medicine, because her old regime wasn't working. She reasoned with them that it worked fine, she just wasn't taking it. They wouldn't hear anything of it. However, this new medicine greatly decreased her bi-polar symptoms by balancing her mood more. And a balanced mood was a very good thing in her mind, it meant less cutting.

Now Rukia had take this new medicine two pills twice a day. The good thing about it was that it didn't make her tired. She heard another sigh from across the table. That was another thing that changed; Her therapist thought it would be beneficial for someone to watch her take her pills every day. Byakuya and Hisana both agreed, she couldn't help but think that was taking things a little overboard. After hearing her brothers third sigh in five minutes, Rukia plucked the pills in her mouth and swallowed them with a gulp of water.

She could only think of what Toshiro would be thinking of her right now. Once she got home from the hospital, she looked through her phone, and saw numerous missed calls from him. Of course she called him back and explained that she was fine, but she couldn't tell him anything else. He was confused of course, but he seemed to understand that she really didn't want to talk about it. He asked to see her, and she agreed excitedly. They were going on their second date Saturday. He was planning on taking her to the park, and eat a picnic dinner. She was ecstatic to go.

Until after she hung up the phone and remembered her appearance.

Thinking about what she looked like, the girl at the table visibly flinched. Large chunks of her once beautiful, long, dark hair were now gone. She wasn't bald, but it was still noticeable. Hisana reasoned with her that before her date she was going to make her look beautiful. If it was possible, Rukia added in her mind.

Hisana didn't seem to be acting any different in Rukia's opinion; if anything she was acting too nice. For sure, Rukia thought she was going to be repulsed, but for some reason (the same strange one Byakuya held) she wasn't.

Rukia got up and left the table to go to her own room. Once there, she seated herself on her bed, and began drawing on her notebook, that was seated at her nearby table. The last week she had been feeling increasingly down and upset. It showed by the numerous pages used in her sketchpad, and by her increased attention to anything sharp like a knife.

* * *

><p>"Rukia, you don't have to be ashamed of these things." A tall man seated at his large desk explained. He was looking just a normal as usual, but for some reason he seemed different. Maybe, it was the strong detest she now felt for his son. Or possibly, it was the fact that he increased her medication.<p>

Sighing Rukia looked at him straight in the face, "he would see me as a freak, and never want to speak to me again."

"How do you know?"

"Because I have a brain." She rubbed her eyes in stress, Rukia really didn't want to talk about this, but Dr. Kurosaki seemed to not want to leave the conversation.

"Rukia, there are understanding, good people out there you know?" The image of Hisana flashed through her mind, and she was reminded of how the older girl held no resentment towards her what so ever.

"Yes! Maybe the ones related to me or connected by me in someway! But, honestly why in the world would Toshiro, this amazing, attractive, intelligent, soccer star, ever be okay with dating a completely average girl, with nothing amazing about her, besides having schizophrenia and bipolar disorder; which mind you, are not good qualities!" Rukia who was all but screaming, could feel tears of frustration forming in her eyes, "and for that matter, someone who rips their own hair out!"

"Rukia!" The girl stopped her rant, realizing that he was calling her name out repeatedly, "please listen!" He said loudly, but wasn't screaming like she was; by this point she had tears streaming down her face in a continuous stream. Isshin stared into her red and puffy eyes for a minute allowing her to get a grip of her emotions.

Rukia was becoming increasingly angry with every second that passed by, everything was becoming so redundant, to the point where it felt like he was repeating himself over and over again, "But, even if that might be true," she was choked up by her tears, "even if there are people who are accepting, its not going to be him."

"How do you know?" He said, so softly, as not to rattle her any further.

She whispered just as he, but her voice cracked with emotion halfway through her sentence, "my own father can't accept me, why in the world would he?" Bringing her father into things was worrying to Isshin. As much as he wanted to go into it about the man, he knew it wasn't the time for it, and he would need to wait for a different day. This however, did not stop him from making a note about it in his notepad.

Dr. Kurosaki, sighed and leaned back in his chair, "maybe I should just end it before he does?" she said more as a question than a statement. This jumped Isshin into action.

"Rukia! Your giving up before anythings even happened! You have no idea the kind of reaction he will have. I assure you, if this guy is as great as you say he is, then it can't be possibly as bad as you are imagining in your head."

Rukia picked up the pillow next to her on the couch, and screamed into it with all her might; attempting to release her raging frustration at the situation.

* * *

><p>XXX<p>

"I had thought, that after the transition into everyday life, all of Rukia's insecurities would lessen. I hoped that she would see she was just like everyone else; but..." Isshin paused. Byakuya Kuchiki was seated in front of him staring at him expectantly. After an extended session with the mans younger sister, he called him into his office after sending her out. From the second the intense man sat in front of him, he continued to look more and more serious. Like he was bracing himself for news he wasn't going to like.

"But?" Byakuya said, in a act of rare impatience. He was having a rough day already and this just wasn't making it any better for him. First, he and Hisana get into a fight about the most trivial wedding details. Her dress. She was worried that he wouldn't like whatever she choose, he firmly stated that it didn't matter what she was wearing; which of course made her furious, and she basically screamed at him that yes, the dress _matters_. After that fiasco was settled by himself apologizing, his fiance brought up her concern that Rukia wouldn't take things well, about figuratively loosing her brother. So she asked, if there was a way for Rukia to be included in some way. After another ten minutes of arguing him saying that Rukia was perfectly fine with them being married, Byakuya agreed to ask her therapist what he thought about the matter. Because, honestly, Hisana always got her way.

Which brought Byakuya there in the first place; normally Hisana picked up Rukia on Wednesday, but of course, she couldn't talk to him it had to be Byakuya. So, when he showed up a little before the allotted time, the receptionist kindly told him that it would be a few minutes, Isshin and Rukia were still "talking". Imagine his frustration when a few minutes turned into forty. His frustration through-out the time however, turned into concern. Especially when Rukia exited the room, and Dr. Kurosaki asked to speak with him.

So here he was sitting uncharacteristically anxious, waiting for the man in front of him to speak. "But, her inferiority complex seems to be _increasing_. It worries me. She feels that she isn't good enough for anything; Rukia's terrified that this boy shes been seeing would be utterly repulsed in learning of her mental state. I staring to think that it all has much deeper roots." Isshin knew what he was saying was going against confidentiality rules, but he was deeply concerned for Rukia's well being which was more than enough of a reason for him. Especially when it came to someone he cared about as much as her. "Briefly today, she touched upon your father 'not accepting her'. From the psychological stand point, I really believe that must be were the whole problem lies. She thinks that because she wasn't good enough for her own father, then she isn't good enough for anything else or _anybody _else."

Byakuya was seated in a rigid posture, with his hands on his knees. "That would make very much sense, I don't know if Rukia's told you this of not, but she and our father were once very close, but after our mothers death, and her schizophrenia symptoms coming through, they lost all connection really. He pulled her out of school, and when people were over she was locked in her room. There were times when I seriously thought he hated her."

"No, I didn't know that, Rukia doesn't talk much about the past," he paused as an afterthought. "Do you think that's why you took a stand and are so protective of her?" He once again paused and realized his mistake, "ahh, I'm sorry Byakuya, force of habit." Isshin sometimes forgot to stop psychoanalyzing people. Ichigo always got really angry when he did that.

Byakuya nodded in understanding, "So what are you suggesting?"

"Nothing really, just a word of caution, with Rukia in this state of inferiority, and shes being increasingly down lately, she's in the perfect position to hurt herself again. Honestly I'm a bit worried. I'm concerned that she would begin cutting again, don't think to much about it Byakuya, but it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye out for her."

Byakuya's eyes widened at the implications and the severity of the situation. The idea of Rukia hurting herself made his stomach twist in an uncomfortable knot. "You do remember the incidents a few years ago correct?" Isshin said across the table.

How could he possibly forget? "Byakuya, try not to worry to much, it's been two years, and me and her spent countless months talking about it, and we _still_ talk about it. she passed that bridge a long time ago, she understands that her life is precious and I don't think she will ever try to kill herself again. I'm not trying to scare you because its unlikely, but all I'm saying is it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on her."

Byakuya, nodded and tried to relax a little, "now I know we already changed her schedule around once, but is it possible that I could see her everyday for the rest of the week?" Byakuya sighed, he knew Rukia wasn't going to be happy about seeing him everyday again.

He nodded in conformation, and stood up to leave, seeing as how Dr. Kurosaki had stood up as well. Suddenly remembering what Hisana had brought up this morning, "in your opinion how does Rukia feel about Hisana and I being married?"

Isshin rubbed his chin in deep thought for a moment, "I can't say, every time I try to bring up the topic, she changes it. Maybe you could speak to her about it?" Byakuya nodded in agreement. "However, I do know she thinks the world of you, so I can understand her not wanting to 'lose' her brother."

With that being said, they shook hands, and Byakuya turned and walked out the door. When he stepped into the waiting area, Rukia was seated in a chair, looking very tense. He silently walked up and put a hand on her shoulder. At the contact, she flinched and looked up into his eyes. Her eyes were clouded with a emotion he couldn't describe, although he wasn't sure he liked it. "Are you alright?"

She subconsciously placed her hand on top of her head. "I just want to go home," she glanced away from him to a women he just noticed seated on the other side of the room. Every few seconds she would glance up and look at Rukia's hair. Which was clearly making Rukia uncomfortable.

Byakuya tried to give a small smile of reassurance, but found it was hard with everything he had just been told. "That can be arranged," she smiled up at him, however it didn't quite reach her eyes. He placed a hand on her arm and guided her out of the building. It never sat quite right with him that even after she left the mental hospital she still had to return on a regular basis to see her therapist.

* * *

><p>"Really that's incredible!"<p>

Toshiro was in deep detail of describing to her how his last soccer game went. She wasn't exactly sure on some of the terminology he was using, but she understood the gist of it. They had been talking on the phone for the last half hour. He had called her, she was surprised but quickly got over her shock when he said that he missed her.

"...So my midfielder switches the ball crossing it across the field, and it was perfect, god Rukia I wish you could've seen it, I jumped up and made this perfect head-ball, and it practically soared through the goalies hands, and into the upper ninety." she could hear the smile in his voice.

"I would love to come see you play sometime." She smiled just as brightly as she was used to in the last couple weeks. Talking to Toshiro made her feel normal.

"That would be great!" he said excitedly, "you could meet some of my friends, we always get together after a win and party or something." Rukia quickly dropped her smile and grew nervous. Although, she tried to not let it show.

"Are you sure they'll like me?" She said softly, and slowly.

"Rukia, if that would make you uncomfortable, I understand you don't have to go." It was highly masked but, she could still hear the slight disappointment in his voice, "I'm telling you, they'll love you."

"We can talk about it on Saturday," Rukia said with a smile. She was still nervous, but for some reason it seemed to mean a lot to him. She realized that Toshiro was quickly becoming important to her. All the sudden she felt like everything was going to fast. Hell, they had only been on one date! And, she's already about to meet his friends. She didn't know it was so serious. It made her anxiety increase just thinking about what he was expecting out of this relationship.

Sure she liked him. A lot even. But, she was no where near ready to do anything much outside of what they were currently doing. She had never been in a relationship before, this was all brand new to her, and to be honest it was all very frightening. What if he wanted things to be a bit more physical soon? There was no doubt in her mind, that she was anywhere near comfortable enough to do anything more intimate such as kissing. Just the thought had her blushing ten shades of red.

Suddenly she didn't think hanging out with his friends was a good idea. She already had high anxiety, she feared with all those new faces at once, she could have a panic attack. She got nervous enough just being around Toshiro. However, she wanted to see him play soccer, he was the captain on the team, and he was seriously passionate about it. In her book, it said somewhere that it was good to like each others interests. Maybe it would be a good idea to start with that; learn the rules of the sport in the first place.

"Rukia, are you still there?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I spaced out. Anyway, this is embarrassing but I really don't know much about soccer, can you explain it to me?" She blushed asking him that, and quickly regretted it when she heard his deep chuckle through the cell phone line.

"Rukia you are too cute sometimes; I've been sitting here going on and on about soccer, and you don't know anything about it! You should have stopped me sooner!" She let out a little giggle at being called cute, it matched her red cheeks.

So that's how her night went, she spent the next two hours on the phone talking and listening to Toshiro explain in great detail every rule, position, and guideline included in the sport known as soccer. Of course, flirting, blushes and bright smiles was included.

* * *

><p>"What in the world are you doing?"<p>

Byakuya turned to see his fiance standing in the kitchen entry way wearing her pink polka dot pajamas and rubbing her eyes to get the sleep out of them. "Nothing, go back to sleep, I'll be there in a minute." She gave him a look, and proceeded to come sit next to him on the kitchen floor, leaning against the cabinets.

"Is something wrong Byakuya?" Hisana said softly, and reached for his hand. He complied and gave it to her. She was worried about him, he had been quiet (more so than usual) all day, and now he was sitting on the floor?

"That's incredible!" was said quietly, and Hisana realized: that no it wasn't quiet, it was far away.

"Are you _really_ sitting on the floor, listening through the vents to your sisters phone conversation?" She smiled halfway through her sentence, because of the ridiculousness of the situation. Byakuya turned to her and gave her a look that clearly said: _yes I am_. "Can I ask why?"

"I'm not so sure Rukia should be seeing this guy anymore." This alarmed Hisana, sure she knew he was a little overprotective, but where was this coming from?

"Why so suddenly have you decided this?" She replied shocked, he sighed and gripped her hand tightly. So he proceeded to tell her about what Dr. Kurosaki said about her being vulnerable. "That's terrible!" She sighed along with him and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"That not even the worst part," Byakuya said with inner malice. "I've never told you this, but two years ago-" he abruptly stopped mid-sentence and questioned himself if he should continue with something so personal. Once again Hisana squeezed his hand in reassurance. "The way the hospital works is all the mental patients are given a level of danger when they enter. Its based on the risk they pose on others or themselves. Well, when Rukia was ten she was only given a '2' on a scale of one to ten. What that meant was that they evaluated her as safe for herself and others, so she was in the lowest security possible. She could basically do whatever she wanted, without leaving the premises." Byakuya paused to catch his breath.

"Anyway, around the time she was fourteen, Rukia became very...depressed. She wouldn't leave her room, she wouldn't eat, and she wouldn't talk to anyone besides me or Isshin. Its was becoming very worrying, she lost almost twenty pounds, she soon stopped talking her therapist altogether. Well, they decided because of her behavior that she would be thoroughly examined. Something reserved for patients with a level of four and higher. When they did that, the doctors found that she was cutting herself, with a knife she stole from the kitchen." Byakuya paused, "she tried to kill herself." Hisana couldn't contain her gasp of horror. "We didn't notice because shes so fair-skinned." She nodded in understanding, she was around Rukia on a daily basis, and had no idea. "Anyway, she was moved to a safety level of seven, and put in the high security room you saw, when we visited her."

"Why was she..." Hisana trailed off not really wanting to say it; but Byakuya seemed to understand.

"They first thought it was her schizophrenia devolving, and she was becoming very sick. Its not uncommon for schizophrenia patients to want to harm themselves. That's where they checked first, but when that came up empty they were confused. It took her therapist all but ten minutes of talking to her to realize she was depressed and lonely. After that the doctors moved up my visiting schedule from once every two weeks -like everyone else- to every week."

Hisana couldn't help but release a few tears; the idea of Rukia being so alone, and sad that she would physically harm herself was crazy and she didn't like thinking about it. It was rare to see Rukia sad at all for that matter, it was surprising to hear just how sad she really was two years ago. She had always been a happy person, besides the last two weeks...

In her mind, Hisana just put the two together, "is that what this is all about?" she paused to see his reaction -none of course, "your afraid she'll do that again?" He nodded his head in conformation, and she smiled sadly. "Byakuya she sounds so happy talking to him, I don't think that it would be smart to try and take her away from that."

He smiled ruefully, "I see that now" he said pointing to the vent on the floor. Hisana was glad the idea was gone from his mind just as quick as it came. "I don't know what to do."

"I think she'll be fine; your worry to much."

* * *

><p>"That looks adorable!" Hisana said as she stepped into the younger girls bedroom. The girl smiled, and turned in a circle for her to get a total view of what she was wearing. In a act of randomness, a burst of heat warmed the fall day, which permitted her wearing short black shorts, and a flirty white tank with ruffles. Hisana was impressed with her ability to hide her thin spots on her head. She had a large black, lace headband, pushing her hair back. Her feet were clad with decorative strappy sandles. "Isn't this date suppose to be a picnic though?" Hisana let her smile shine through.<p>

"Don't ruin this for me," Rukia said with a laugh, not really meaning it. Hisana smiled along with her, and handed her her clutch purse. When she stepped closer she noticed the light eyeliner, and lip gloss on her face.

"Damn Rukia, you clean up nice. Where did you get the make-up?" Said girl smiled sheepishly.

"Your bathroom," Hisana laughed at her guilty expression.

"That's fine, I'll buy you some next time I'm at the store." Hisana was feeling a little awkward around Rukia, after hearing what Byakuya told her. You would never guess a girl with such a happy smile on her face, cut herself in the past. She was trying to discretely look at her wrists, but Rukia didn't make it easy. She held her arms inward at all times so it was nearly impossible, but it seemed like it was more from habit then it was intentional.

"You don't think these shorts are too short do you?" Hisana was broken from her thoughts and glanced at her shorts. They were a little on the tiny side, but they made her legs look incredibly long.

"Perfect for a date with a hot guy, but your brother might disagree, so how about we sneak you out of here." Hisana said, while looking at the younger girls blush, and nod. "Oh and don't forget, you might be back before us, were going a date too."

"Why are you not dressed yet?" Rukia said, looking down at her t-shirt and jeans.

"I'm jumping in the shower as soon as you leave, Byakuya's in there now."

"Eww! I don't need to hear that!" Rukia said with a blush on her face.

Hisana immeditley panicked, "God no! I meant after he got out!" Rukia was basically sprinting out of the room. When they both reached the front door, Rukia interrupted Hisana's continuous rambling.

"Bye!" And she was out the door.

X

X

X

Even after her constant protesting that he didn't have to, she finally agreed to let him pick her up in the lobby of their apartment building. As soon as she stepped out of the elevator, she spotted him; he was faced away from her, and clearly waiting.

She walked up to him as quietly as she possibly could and tapped him on the shoulder, he turned around and a small smile reached his face, "you look beautiful." He glanced up and down her body a couple times staring a her legs a second longer before finally resting on her face. Surprisingly, it didn't make her nervous at all.

"Um, you too," Rukia wasn't entirely sure what to say in that situation, but it seemed to work, because he let out a chuckle. He was wearing a nice shirt, and jeans. It felt like she hadn't seen him in forever.

"Are you ready?" Instead of answering him, she boldly grabbed his hand and begun dragging him out the door. But, because of her slight frame, it turned into her struggling to keep up with his fast pace. "I brought my car to carry the stuff in."

They reached his car, and she almost died of embarrassment when he walked her over to the door, and opened it for her. She didn't realize people actually did that, she always thought it was some cliché fairy tale thing. He backed the car up, and they were on there way to the nearby park, where they first went for ice cream.

They sat in a comfortable silence; He was so unreal; opening doors for her, holding her hand, calling her late into the night because he 'missed her', kissing her on the cheek, understanding and not asking about her therapy. They first few times she was so nervous being around him, but oddly the second she saw him in the lobby, all those butterflies flew away, leaving just Rukia, not a twitchy pile of goo.

And she was okay with that.

"You know, you kind of unreal."

He turned and looked at her oddly, "what do you mean?" She knew she was probably about to blow everything but, she felt it needed to be said.

"I'm sure you've noticed I'm a really nervous person," she said slowly and he nodded, "but, I feel like myself around you." She said almost in a whisper.

Instead he turned slightly and looked her in the eye, "I feel the same way," he replied just as quietly. They sat their staring at each other for a good thirty seconds, until a car horn went off behind them, starling them both from their trance.

XXX

About five minutes later they reached the park, and both climbed out of the car, he popped the trunk and grabbed a bag out of the back before shutting it. "What, no picnic basket?" Rukia said teasingly.

"Just how cliché do you want this to be?" He said with a slight smile, she was getting used to seeing.

"Oh, I want the whole experience," she said, still teasing, he reached for her hand, and she happily gave it to him, and they began walking.

"Sorry to disappoint, but you'll find I'm not perfect,"

"That's okay, neither am I."

The rest of the walk was in silence, until they reached the spot on the hill overlooking the soccer practice fields, with the perfect view of the most amazing sunset. This really was a fairytale.

Toshiro spread out the blanket, and pulled some containers out of the bag. "So whats for dinner, oh-so- amazing chef?"

"Rukia, you'd be surprised at how bad I am at cooking. I burn water. So, this is take-out, from this amazing restaurant down the road."

"At least your honest," she smiled at him after sitting down cross legged next to him. He looked at her with a matching light smile.

"Why do I get the feeling you don't smile much?" She asked him quietly, hoping it wasn't too much of a personal question.

"I'll answer if you answer a question of mine," he said, "why are you so shy all the time?"

She thought about it for a moment, deciding it was a fair trade, "deal."

He placed his container down, and she did the same. "My father, is this extremely talented neurosurgeon, his whole life he has always expected me to follow in his footsteps, just like his father, and his fathers father. So when I told him I wanted to play soccer on the professional level, he took it as a joke, and when he realized I wasn't kidding, he became really upset with me. I don't see him and my mother much anymore, because of it. He told me that playing a sport, isn't a real job, and that it doesn't take a genius to do so."

Rukia quietly listened, "well, this was a couple years ago, my senior year of high-school, and I was under so much pressure to do good in school, that I was always stressed, when I became the valedictorian of my class, my father didn't even congratulate me, he was like, 'that's pointless if your going to waste it on being an athlete'. I guess, it's because I was always so stressed out, I didn't have time for fun, its just a habit now I think." He paused momentarily, "I think that's a reason I like you so much," she blushed a deep shade of red, which he gave a knowing smile at, "I can be myself around you; there's no pressure to be perfect."

She smiled, "I'm sorry about your dad." Toshiro shrugged uncaring.

"I don't let it bother me anymore." _I wish I could be like that_, "your turn."

For some reason she couldn't look at him as she spoke, "umm, I'm not really the most social person to start with, and people make me nervous. Honestly," she was setting herself up to be embarrassed, "Your the first guy, that's ever been interested in me."

He looked like he didn't believe her, "no way, you've never had a boyfriend before?" He continued to look unbelieving, until he noticed her serious, and somewhat hurt expression. He quickly backtracked, "that's insane, your totally hot." He then realized what he said, "I mean-"

She cut him off, "there's a lot you don't know about me Toshiro," when she saw he was about to speak, she quickly cut in before he could, "but, that's a story for another time." He understood that she really didn't want to talk about it.

"Sometime soon hopefully?" It was more of a question than a statement.

"Maybe," but she knew she was lying to herself and him, if she were to have it her way then she would never tell him. Toshiro shocked her, by pulling her close while they were both laying down, and wrapping his arms around her tight. They both sat silently and stared up at the bright twinkling lights above them.

"This is perfect"

Toshiro couldn't agree more.

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><p><strong>I've noticed I always end with <strong>**like a powerful sentence; i hope that it doesnt bother people that i do it everytime, its not really on purpose. **

**ANYWAY.. what did you think? be honest!**

**Review! (who knows maybe the more i get, it will inspire me to update faster ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm going to be honest, I really don't have an excuse for why I haven't been updating. I've lost a little motivation because I feel like noone likes my story. But just two days ago I sucked it up and wrote this whole chapter. I really do love this story and I am going to finish it. **

***also I went through every single chapter and fixed grammer mistakes and changed a thing or two, such as: I introduced the whole cutting thing a little bit sooner. I feel like it seems like I just pulled it out of no where, but in reality I had it planned from the very beginning. I put more of an emphasis on the whole bipolar thing so that it wouldnt seem random. you dont need to go back and re read, you probably wouldnt even notice much of a difference. **

**I never realized how comma happy I was until editing today. Every other word was a comma! I must have deleted like 100 of them!**

**Thanks so much for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I Don't own Bleach. **

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><p>Once again Toshiro and Rukia had a magical night together. It seemed like every time they got together their relationship was getting stronger and stronger; and they were growing closer and closer. They were becoming addicted to each other, and they savored every second spent with the other.<p>

"Rukia if you want to go, my next game is on Wednesday." Toshiro said very quietly, seeing as the girl in question was currently in a light sleep on his chest. The last few hours they had just been laying together under the night sky softly talking, their dinner forgotten next to them; until Rukia was lulled to sleep by his deep breathing with her head on his chest.

She awoke and her head shifted upward to look into his eyes, "are you sure you want me to go?" Normally hearing this out of a girls mouth would tell him that she wasn't that into him, or that she really didn't want to go. But he knew that this wasn't the case; Rukia was just really nervous about meeting his friends for what ever reason. He saw the doubt in her eyes and new that was exactly the problem.

"Yes of course I do. You don't even have to meet them yet if you don't want to, you can take one of your friends." A wave a sadness washed over her at the statement. She didn't have any friends. But she tried not to let her emotions show, bottled them up inside, and pulled a smile to her face.

"Alright, I'll be there. What time?"

He smiled at her although she didn't notice because she laid her head back down, this time above his heart. "Six," he replied. Toshiro noticed it was becoming cold out, Rukia was probably freezing because of those shorts she was wearing. Not that he didn't greatly appreciate her wearing them, quite the opposite really, he found her legs rather delicious looking in them, but she was probably shaking with cold. He lifted his head to look, and in fact she was. "Rukia, I'm sorry I didn't know you were cold, do you want to head back now?"

"That would be nice," she said with a smile as the stood up to get their things together. As she was gathering the uneaten food, she had a pang of guilt hit her. "I'm sorry this food you bought went to waste," she gave him an apologetic look, and he gave her a small smile.

"It's fine I promise." Once they had everything packed into his car, they climbed in and were on their way back to Rukia's apartment building. When they arrived Toshiro insisted on walking her inside, Rukia didn't protest to much because she knew her insanely protective brother and Hisana were out.

Rukia met him in front of the car and she reached for his hand as they began walking up to the building. Rukia couldn't keep a smile off her face looking up at him. "This is a really nice building you live in," he looked around as if seeing it for the first time, "do you live here with your parents?"

Rukia suddenly felt nervous for the first time that night, "ahh, umm no," she took advantage of time to enter the elevator and push the correct floor button to squish down her nerves, "just my brother and his fiancee."

He gave her a look, "do they go to college too?" Instead of answering she just nodded her head in response. As he was looking at her face that was trying to avoid his, Toshiro came to the realization that he really didn't know much about Rukia. She didn't like to talk about herself, her past, or anything involving her for that matter.

Toshiro paused in his thinking, because Rukia stopped at her door, and began searching through her small hand purse for her key. When he realized that it was going to take her a minute, he decided to spend the time admiring her backside. For such a short girl, Rukia had endlessly long legs. Trailing his eyes from her feet up, they disappeared under her dangerously short black shorts. His eyes hovered even longer on her butt, trying and not succeeding in finding anything wrong, or unattractive about it. Pulling his eyes away from her tight, perfectly shaped butt, his eyes reached the ends of her hair which reached just above her lower back. Her hair was something he really couldn't describe. All he knew was that he would love to run his hands through the silky strands.

"Sorry, I couldn't find my key. Would you like to come in?" Toshiro pulled his eyes up and out of his trance to meet Rukia's violet orbs. He saw some nervousness and hesitation gleaming in the depths of them.

"Rukia, if it would make you uncomfortable-" he started to say before she boldly reached for his hand and pulled him into the lavish room.

"No, I want you to come in, no one else is here." Realizing how that must have sounded, a bright red flush came to her face and to cover it, she turned away and walked towards her room. "Would you mind waiting out here for a second? I need to put a few things away." Really it was just an excuse to get away from him for a few moments. In the last few minutes, Rukia had increasingly felt like the girl a couple of weeks ago who could barley talk to Toshiro. And she didn't like it.

She entered her room, and made a beeline towards her bed, in the process she kicked off her shoes. Rukia sat on the top, hunched over, and placed her face into her hands. Taking a few deep breaths in order to calm her nerves Rukia could feel the butterflies in her chest swarming faster.

_Does he expect anything? I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. I know I'm not._

She of course was referring to any kind of physical contact more than she was accustom to. _I have to try. _A thought came to her that was very unwelcome, I've_ never kissed a boy before, what if I do it horribly wrong? Normal girls at 16 have done much more than that, and he's even older than that! _Rukia squeezed her eyes shut tightly. Her sudden unexplainable bravery earlier got her much more nervous side into a big mess.

"Rukia, are you okay?" startled by his sudden appearance next to her, she flinched. She realized she must have taken way to long to be 'putting a few things away' and he came looking for her. She squeezed her eyes tighter and almost wished he wasn't in her room. She felt him grab her hands, and pull them into his own. Rukia slowly opened her eyes and instantly met his concerned blue ones. "Rukia?"

"I'm sorry," she paused and it seemed like she was going to add more but she didn't.

"Is something wrong?" He continued to show concern, and it made her heart ache. She felt awful about the things she couldn't give to him, like any other girl could.

"No nothing really, I'm just being silly," She tried to give him a reassuring smile, and it seemed to work because he relaxed. "I'm going to be completely honest, this is kinda my first relationship, and I don't know what your expecting but I'm not entirely sure that I can give it to you." Toshiro's face softened at her honesty.

"Rukia, I'm not a sex crazed teenager anymore, I'm perfectly fine with taking things slow." He said it in a happy sort of tone. One that had her feeling like she was being an idiot for worrying at all. Then she realized the extent of what he said.

"Anymore?" He laughed sheepishly, and rubbed the back of his neck. She didn't want to make it seem like she was mad, so she gave him a content smile, however it didn't quite reach her eyes like he was use to.

"Since you were so honest, I guess I can be too, I'm not really all that innocent, actually not in the slightest." She laughed, to match his chuckle.

"That's okay, because I wasn't expecting you to be an angel exactly." Rukia felt as though a weight had been lifted entirely off her shoulders. She felt there was no pressure what so ever, and it was true. There really was none. Toshiro had a way of always being able to say the right words. She didn't necessarily mind that he wasn't exactly a virgin, in fact she found that she really didn't care at all. He was hers now, and that's all that mattered.

"In my mind, that's what you are," he stopped, because the weight of his words needed to be drawn out, "an angel." The look in his eyes made, every thought in her head swim away, "I know you barley know me, and I know even less about you. But, for some reason, your all I can think about." She felt a stain of guilt at his confession, and realized he was right. He did know virtually nothing about her. However, her heart warmed at his words. "I can't pretend and say that I love you, because we just met, but I do feel deeply for you and I wish you would trust me with whatever this deep secret is that you are hiding."

"Toshiro..." he couldn't possibly be better with his words. She didn't know what to do, for some reason she ignored the end of his sentence and focused solely on the beginning. "I care deeply for you as well." For some reason that Rukia could not possible understand, their faces were growing closer, he brought his hands up into her hair to pull her along faster. But she was not nervous. It felt right, like in that moment, it was the only thing they could do. Something like a magnet.

Finally, they were so close, she could feel his breath on her lips, and it was certain he could do the same. They sat there for a moment, Rukia looked into his eyes and it donned on her that he was waiting for her, he was giving her all control of what happened. Giving her the chance to back out if she wanted to. But she didn't. She was never more sure of anything, she closed the gap between them and placed her lips on his. He seemed to take this as permission, and took control from there. It wasn't overly passionate or sexual. In fact in was more soft, and reassuring, like what they were doing wasn't crazy, it was meant to be. And the spark that was produced because of the kiss set in stone that they were serious about the other. To Toshiro it was a promise of a long term relationship between them, to Rukia it was more. It showed her that she could trust him. She really could be herself.

For such a short lived kiss, it held such a strong importance.

Rukia pulled away suddenly when she heard the front door open and close. She looked at him apologetic, "My brother and his fiancee are home." He seemed to understand that he couldn't stay, and he stood up.

"I had a great time tonight, hopefully we can do this together again soon." She nodded excitedly, "hopefully I'll see you at my soccer game on Wednesday." She looked disappointingly towards the floor. "What's wrong?"

"I was hoping we could see each other again before that." He chuckled at her and brought her in for a hug.

"I'm sorry, I have school and work all week, trust me I want to see you too. But I'll talk to you every day." her face brightened at this. Just as he was about to lean down and claim her lips once more, a angry voice was heard from the doorway and it startled them both.

"What is going on in here?" Rukia realized that there position on her bed probably wasn't the nicest one for her brother to come upon, Toshiro realized it too, and quickly pulled away and stood up off her bed. She avoided the angry gaze of her brother by looking down towards the floor as Toshiro walked towards him.

"Hello, I'm Toshiro Hitsugaya. You must be Rukia's brother." Rukia looked up in time to see Toshiro hold out his hand, and Byakuya shake it with a frown on his face.

"Byakuya." Was all he said, and she could feel the tension in the air, you could probably cut it with a knife. Where was Hisana when you needed her? She was that knife. Toshiro seemed to realize it too, because he looked over his shoulder at her.

"I'll call you?"

"Okay," Rukia smiled happily despite the thick atmosphere. He then walked out the door, and Rukia later heard the front door close. Her and Byakuya sat there looking at each other for a minute. He had an angry expression on his face, and she a happy one. "Is something wrong?" She asked innocently, as if nothing had happened at all.

"Yes." He said curtly, and stormed out of the room. Well, as much as Byakuya Kuchiki could storm. Rukia rolled her eyes at the back of her over protective brother, and followed him out. In the living room sat Hisana. Obviously trying to make it seem like she wasn't paying attention to their conversation. "How could you let that _boy_ come into your room, and onto your bed?" he questioned furiously.

Rukia Kuchiki was a happy person, not very often did you catch her without a smile on her face. And right now she looked very displeased. "I'm sixteen years old Byakuya! Not five!" This was one of the first times Rukia had raised her voice at her brother.

This seemed to make him much more angry, "you might as well be." That crushed Rukia to her very core. She knew what he meant when he said that. He meant that she was naive and had never experienced the bad in everyday life. He meant that she may be sixteen -almost seventeen, but on the inside she was still just that little nine year old girl from before she was institutionalized. He really meant that she couldn't take care of herself. "I'm just trying to protect you Rukia." Byakuya said in a much softer way, however it did nothing to calm her.

Angry tears filled her eyes but she refused to let them fall. Rukia willed them away, she would do anything to not give her brother the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Because it would prove everything he was saying as true. It would prove that she was still just a little girl, who cried at harsh words. She suddenly wanted nothing more than to show her brother that she wasn't a child still. She regretted her next words before she had even said them. She knew they were wrong, yet she couldn't force them back in. it was almost like they _had _to be said.

"If you ever wanted to protect me, then you wouldn't have let _him_ lock me away!"She knew her words where completely irrelevant to the conversation, but in her subconscious she had wanted to hurt him. Rukia faintly heard Hisana gasp in the background from behind her magazine. The look in Byakuya's eyes the second after it was said made her feel like the lowest being on the planet. The pure sadness in his eyes only lasted half a second before the hard, angry look took it place once again, but Rukia knew it was there. She knew how upset she had made her brother by saying that.

No more words were said because Byakuya turned around suddenly, and stormed to his office before quietly shutting the door behind him. Rukia had almost wished he would have slammed it, it would have felt more appropriate and the masochistic side of her knew it would have made her feel worse inside.

Rukia stood in the middle of the room for a good five minutes in absolute silence before Hisana softly spoke, "Rukia?" When she got no reply from the younger girl she stood from her seat on the couch and quietly padded over to her. She looked at her face and realized that Rukia was crying. It didn't startle her at all, she knew Rukia was already feeling guilty from what she had said.

Rukia swiftly took in air before speaking, "he's never going to forgive me." Rukia felt more than saw Hisana putting a hand on her shoulder in comfort. She didn't feel comforted at all.

"Yes he will, I'm sure he-" Hisana was cut off mid sentence.

"He shouldn't! What I said was horrible, and I'm a terrible sister for saying that." Rukia had stopped crying but her tear tracked cheeks reminded Hisana of the little girl she was recently accused of being.

"You're right it was a very mean thing to say." She agreed harshly, "but you're not a terrible sister, why don't you go talk to him?" she said in a much nicer manner. Rukia looked to the floor again.

"I wouldn't know what to say," she said miserably.

"I'm sure you'll think of something." Hisana said confidently with a reassuring smile on her face.

Rukia nodded and pulled out of her hold and took a step towards her brothers office before turning around again, "thanks Hisana." Instead of responding, she simply smiled in return.

By the time Rukia had managed to reach the wooden door, she was a nervous wreck. She knew that she wasn't the best with words, but had to be in this case. She slowly opened the door and stepped inside, before re-closing the door behind her. Once inside the room, she peered around and saw her brother with his back turned towards her, with him staring out the window obviously in deep thought. Or so she assumed.

"Hisana I'd really like to be alone," he said in a tight voice, obviously trying not to sound upset. Knowing that now was a better time than ever, Rukia spoke up.

"I'm so sorry," she chocked out, because she couldn't quite hold in her tears anymore. Byakuya turned in his swivel chair to face her, startled by her voice and expecting it to be his fiancees. Rukia continued to speak before she lost her courage, "I didn't mean it, I was just so mad at you. I'm so very sorry for that horrible thing I said." She really tried to contain her tears but the continued like a river at her brothers angry half glare.

"Rukia, you know I tried everything I possible could to keep you from that place. Even after you were placed there I worked hard to get you released. Do you how much work and time I put into finding a way to get you out of there when you turned sixteen? Your were not suppose to get out until you were eighteen! If I really didn't try, you would still be rotting in that atrocious hospital that made you so depressed that you almost killed yourself."

Rukia gasped at his words, her cutting was something that they didn't talk about. Ever. It was kind of an unspoken rule, he didn't talk about it and she didn't talk about it to him -it was a constant topic with her therapist. She unconsciously traced one of the near invisible scars on her forearm. Rukia broke out of her trance and saw Byakuya's concerned look, and she knew he regretted what he had said. It was nice to see something other than anger in his eyes.

"I know you did everything you could to get me out of there, and I am very grateful. I don't want you to ever think that I'm not. And your right, I probably wouldn't have made it to eighteen if you wouldn't have gotten me out."

Byakuya felt no trace of anger anymore, just sadness. It felt as if someone had punched him in the gut and the wind had been knocked out of him. Having Rukia admit that she would have cut herself again deeply worried him. She talked so carelessly about it, like it was no big deal that she intentionally hurt herself with the intent to die.

"I know you don't like to hear about it, but Dr. Kurosaki says that talking about it calms me and keeps those urges away." He looked at her sharply and straightened his shoulders back, suddenly very concerned.

"Urges? How often?" Rukia sat down in the seat across from him with a sigh. This conversation was getting into dangerous territory. She should have never said anything in the first place.

"Byakuya it's not a big deal-" she had a dismissive tone that he did not like one bit.

"How often Rukia?" He interrupted because this conversation was not going anywhere.

She sighed again and looked away from his face, "ever so often. Its been better since I started the new medicine. It evens my mood more." She received a glare at her non specific answer. "every other week I guess. I mean it's not planned, it just kinda happens." Byakuya could swear his heart almost stopped at the frequency Rukia felt the need to slice up her arms with a blade.

It was silent in the room, as they both thought in there heads. Rukia about how stupid she was for saying anything in the first place. Byakuya about what the hell he was going to do and say for that matter.

"When was the last time?" he said quietly, almost not wanting to hear an answer.

As if Rukia couldn't put her foot in her mouth even further she responded, "last time what? Had an urge to cut myself? Or actually cut myself?" His eyes widened at this implications of her words.

Not really understanding why she was receiving such a look, she stared at him confused.

"you mean to tell me that you have cut yourself recently?" when she didn't respond he grew angry, "Rukia have you been cutting yourself?" He said louder than she had ever heard him talk before.

Rukia was shocked to say in the least, she didn't even know how to respond to that, it was like she was frozen, "umm... I...what?" This seemed to anger Byakuya further. Faster than she could comprehend he reached out and grabbed both of her arms and pulled them lightly so that he could see the inside.

Byakuya had never seen her scars before. He really didn't ever want to, it was something that between the two of them, they didn't really ever speak about. So seeing her scar filled forearms for the first time was kind of shocking to him. Her pale arms were filled with the near invisible lines, so many that he could swear it made him sick. He noticed that some seemed newer than others, but none seemed very recent. However, there were some that were newer than two years old. Byakuya came to the realization that she had been cutting herself, but not recently. "When was the last time?"

Once Rukia got over her shock at being questioned by her brother, she swiftly pulled her arms out of his reach, and placed them at her side again. Knowing that she couldn't lie to him, she quietly spoke, not wanting to speak at all, "a few days before I was released."

His eyes widened slightly before tightly squeezing shut and reopening. If Rukia had been cutting herself since she was fourteen, why didn't he know about it? It seemed like something her therapist would tell him. Another thought hit him, "Rukia, you were in high security, how did you get something to..." Byakuya let the rest of his sentence go unspoken, knowing that she would understand what he was going to say.

"Byakuya, your not my therapist, I would really rather not talk about this with you." She looked away from his face embarrassed. It was very embarrassing that sometimes she had a hard time controlling herself.

"Fine, but you better talk to him about it." He said more as a command than a statement. She nodded, still not wanting to look at his face.

"I do. Like I said before, talking about it makes it easier to resist." Rukia was growing very uncomfortable, and Byakuya could see that.

"Promise me that you'll come talk to me if you have a compulsion to do something like this. I don't care if I'm in class, or in a meeting, just call me." He said seriously, no longer angry with her.

"I promise," she knew it was a lie. When she occasionally got the overwhelming feeling to cut, she didn't talk to anyone, instead she tried to block it out by distracting herself. Usually she would draw something. It would feel weird to call her brother about that kind of thing, it was weird just talking to him about it.

She didn't understand why she cut herself. It wasn't necessarily to kill. Sure, when she was fourteen and was seriously depressed, that was the goal, but not now. When she was feeling sad or upset, if she cut herself it somehow made the bad feelings go away. She knew it was wrong and dangerous, but she couldn't stop herself sometimes. It was a means of escape, whenever she was feeling trapped it was what she would turn to. And strangely enough, it actually worked. It made the pain go away. Which in her mind was very ironic. Inducing pain in order to forget pain.

Rukia hated to think about it, because she knew something was wrong with her. Schizophrenia was not something she could control. But cutting herself was entirely her decision. Dr. Kurosaki said she felt the need to cut herself because of her incredibly depressed feelings which were caused by her bipolar disorder. He said that it wasn't her fault, but Rukia didn't believe it. She knew that she was the one to put the knife to her own skin, so she should be able to control it. But the problem was was that she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried, sometimes she couldn't stop herself and absolutely had to cut. Somewhat like an overweight person on a strict diet, with a piece of cake sitting in front of them.

It was okay in her mind because Byakuya didn't know. He thought the only time she ever cut herself was when she was fourteen. He had no idea that she still did occasionally. But now he knew, and she felt horrible with herself. _He probably thinks I'm crazy. _She suddenly wished schizophrenia was her only problem. That would be perfect. Her schizophrenia was so mild that the doctors considered her in remission. It was rare for her to have more than one attack every couple months. But being bipolar and cutting herself was a constant thing, fortunately the new medicine evened her mood more and she didn't have too many thoughts about cutting anymore. Hopefully that meant she could control herself now, but she wouldn't know until she had a compulsion to cut again.

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Rukia whispered, breaking the silence. She was now looking into his eyes, and he seemed sad.

"Your not crazy Rukia." He said like it was the most obvious thing, "your just sick." He didn't mean it as an insult, but as a way of reassurance. Like it wasn't her fault that she did the crazy things that she did.

"Do you really believe that?"

"Of course."

X

X

X

Rukia was convinced the sound of applause could be heard a mile away. It was Wednesday night and Rukia was Toshiro's soccer game like she told him she would be. Unfortunately she was there alone because the boy in question was currently on the field kicking ass. _He's so amazing, _Rukia thought as he took the ball away from the other team and ran up the field with it. He took a shot but the goalie saved it, and soon enough it was half time. It gave Rukia time to think of the events of the other day.

She was almost positive as soon as she left her brothers office, he called her therapist to talk to him. If she wouldn't have opened her big mouth then nothing would have changed. Byakuya wouldn't look at her like she was a fragile piece of glass, and Hisana wouldn't look at her like she had no idea what was going on. She remembered the look she got when she reached for a steak knife to cut up her chicken at dinner. It was like he assumed she was going to cut herself right then and there at the kitchen table!

Rukia knew that she shouldn't think that way, he was just looking out for her. He loved her and he was just being an insanely protective brother. Rukia wished he knew that she was fine. She was broken out of her thoughts when a whistle blew and the game started back up again.

For most of the game the score was one-to-one and they seemed pretty evenly matched. For the next forty minutes it seemed like a game of kickball, back and forth. Neither team seemed to get the upper hand on the other. Until finally in the last few minutes of the game, a man that she shockingly noticed was Ichigo Kurosaki was running up the field with the ball until he crossed it to Toshiro. Toshiro took it and shot from where he was standing. It soared through the goalies hands, and Rukia couldn't help but cheer for him. Her and the other billion people that were in the stands. She realized he probably didn't know that she was there.

Rukia impulsively decided to jump of the stands and wait for him at the gate before she got stuck between a herd of people. When the game ended and the team dispersed after a quick huddle, Toshiro was heading her way.

Unfortunately people were stopping him every which way and telling him 'good game'. He walked straight up to a group of people and was talking to them for a minute. She noticed he kept glancing at the stands, probably looking for her. Then she noticed a girl a little taller than her reach up and give Toshiro a long hug. Rukia glared at the girls back.

an emotion she had never really experienced before filled her completely. She recognized it as jealousy. _Who does that whore think she is? _Rukia knew she was above name calling but she was slightly angry. She knew it was most likely a meaningless hug, but to Rukia a hug meant a lot. When Rukia finally reached the group she touched Toshiro on the shoulder. He turned with a frown on his face, until he saw who it was. "Toshiro your amazing, you played great!"

"Rukia! You made it!" He quickly pulled her into a very tight hug and she greatly returned it. He kissed her cheek and she couldn't quite hold back the blush at the PDA. He pulled away and started introducing her to people. "Guys this is my girlfriend Rukia." She couldn't hold in her megawatt smile at being referred to as 'his girlfriend'. He looked down at her and returned her smile with a small one of his own. She loved the label, it meant that he was officially hers and the other way around. A chorus of 'heys' and 'hi's' reached her ears.

"And this is Rangiku Matsumoto," he pointed to a busty strawberry blonde who gave her a warm smile, "you've already met Ichigo Kurosaki," said boy also gave her a smile but it was much more wary. "This is Renji Abarai" the guy he was pointing to had tattoo's on his face, but he seemed friendly enough. "and this is-" Rukia glanced at the girl he was pointing to -the one who had hugged him and was shocked, she interrupted him before he could finish.

"Hinamori?"

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><p><strong>Uh-oh! Hinamori! someone close to Toshiro who might possible know the whole truth about Rukia!<strong>

**Thanks a million for reading, and I would be very greatful if you would review and tell me how you thought about it. I feel like my writing has changed a little from the very beginning of this story..**

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	9. Chapter 9

**No this is not some kind of mistake, yes, I am actually updating only a week after posting the last chapter. :) I felt a little bad about all those months without a single update, so I worked extra hard to get this out. unfortunatley, I was planning on this being a very VERY important chapter with a lot of drama, but that will be the next two chapters, this is more of a 'filler' chapter, with a little fluff:) **

**Thanks to my anonymous reviewers that I can't personally thank. and to anyone I may have missed, the reviews really helped motivate me and I want everyone to know how much I love getting them.**

**Disclaimer: I Dont Own Bleach. **

**Happy reading:)**

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><p>"<em>Hinamori?" <em>

"Oh my god, Rukia!" She was obviously very surprised. They hadn't seen the other in years, it seemed like an eternity ago that they had first met, the girls shared a brief moment of silence reflecting on it.

_The sound of the door being unlocked by the key card startled Rukia from her light sleep. She had always been like that, she could never relax enough to fully sleep here. A unfamiliar teenager walked into the room scaring her. The person who normally brought her pills in the morning was an older women who she had grown somewhat close to. This new girl had dark brown hair that was pulled into a bun, and she was only a few inches taller than herself. _

_Rukia didn't make eye contact, just kept her gaze on the ground. She had already been in this new room for a few months but the interesting pattern on the cold tile always caught her eye. However, it was nothing compared to the lush carpet in her old room. _

"_Hi, I'm Hinamori Momo and I'm going to be your nurse's assistant for the next couple to weeks. I'm here for community service." Rukia still hadn't lifted her head away from the floor, and when she finally spoke it was minutes later. _

"_What did you do?" Rukia spoke so softly that Hinamori almost didn't hear her. After a moment of looking at the patient on the bed, she realized that this Rukia girl was afraid of her. The way her shoulders were tensed and how she refused to look anywhere near her told her all she needed to know. _

_The nurse she was assisting told her that Rukia was a very nervous girl, and not to be offended if she ignored her presence. The old women assured her that Rukia would never harm her, and to not be afraid of her. She told her to be nice and smile a lot. Be a 'friend'. "What do you mean?" _

_Rukia looked up for a minute, and Hinamori saw the younger girls face obviously contemplating whether or not to respond. To encourage her, she gave her a small meaningful smile. _

"_You said you were here for community service," Rukia talked a little louder than she had before and was no longer staring at the floor. _

"_oh! Well, they say that I stole something, but really this friend of my, Aizen, kinda put me up to it." Hinamori sighed dramatically,"he kept telling me that it wasn't a big deal, but I wanted to return it. He's sort of a jerk, but there is just something about him that always gets me going back, I know its dumb but..." Hinamori realized that she was rambling and quickly went quiet. "Sorry, I didn't mean to tell you my life story." _

_Rukia gave her a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "It's alright, I don't mind listening." _

_Weeks went by and the two steadily became friends, twice a week Hinamori would come in and unload all of her problems and drama. Rukia was a great listener and she didn't mind, she actually enjoyed hearing about her normal teenage life. Hinamori promised she would come back and visit her when her hours were up, but she never did. _

Rukia gave her a small smile, actually pleased to see Hinamori. While it had only lasted a few months, she had been her first real friend since childhood. Rukia missed her. While Hisana and her brother were very kind and she loved them to pieces, there were certain things she couldn't talk to them about. She needed a friend for those things, and there were times when Rukia had wished that she could see Hinamori again because she had something to tell her instead of just listening. But she had disappeared from her life as soon as her obligation was finished.

"Rukia how did you get out of-" Hinamori immediately stopped talking when she saw the look that Rukia was sending her. Rukia reached her arm out and pulled her to the side away from the rest of the group.

Once she was sure that they were out of the groups hearing range, Rukia spoke, "Toshiro doesn't know." Momo gave her a wide eyed look, clearly astonished.

"Rukia! How can you just not tell him were you've been the last couple of years?" For some reason this made Rukia upset. How did she have a right to question her life and her decisions?

"Easy, I'll tell him when I'm ready, it's my business." The look on Hinamori's face showed that she didn't approve at all.

"Whatever, how did you get out? When did you get out? What are you doing with Toshiro, are you even allowed to have a boyfriend?" Her tone was no longer friendly, if anything it seemed a little judgmental. It made Rukia very angry, shouldn't she be happy for her? She finally had a normal life. What she was saying made her feel _wrong _like she was obligated to tell everyone she came in contact with that she had schizophrenia and a bipolar disorder. Of course, Toshiro would know the truth one day. But on Rukia's terms, not someone's like Momo Hinamori.

"Byakuya. A few months ago. And I like him, I can do whatever I want." With that being said, Rukia turned around and stalked back over to Toshiro and put a hand on his arm to get his attention. When he noticed her, he put his arm around her to bring her into the circle between the friends. Rukia instantly felt comforted from Hinamori. She didn't know what had gotten over her back there but it wasn't pretty. She had never once talked to another human being like that before. Even more surprising it was someone she had once considered a friend.

When Hinamori returned to the group the tension between them was almost visible. If Toshiro noticed then he didn't say anything, just kept on with the conversation. However, she did notice that he pulled her a little closer to him. Rukia couldn't help but smile to herself.

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"Hello?"

"This is Byakuya Kuchiki," said the very man who called. He sounded very tense and maybe even a little bit angry as well.

"Ah! Byakuya, what can I do for you?" Came the response of Rukia's therapist, Isshin Kurosaki. Byakuya understood that it probably seemed a little strange for him to be calling, but he just couldn't wait another second to speak to the man. It was already Wednesday night, he had planned to speak to him when he picked up Rukia the day before, but he got held up in a class and had to have Hisana pick up his little sister. He knew he was being impatient, but he didn't think it could wait any longer.

"I apologize for calling on this matter, but I'd rather not wait until tomorrow. A few days ago, Rukia and I had an argument. It came out that she had been cutting herself since the event when she was fourteen. I was wondering why I had not been informed of this." Byakuya tried to keep his voice emotionless, but by the end a little of his anger had seeped through.

A deep sigh was heard on the other end, "Byakuya... there is things that I'm just not allowed to tell you. It goes against doctor-patient confidentiality rules. Rukia and I speak about it constantly and if I thought that she was in danger of taking her own life then I would inform you." He let out another dramatic sigh, "I already broke the rules once by dropping a hint to keep an eye on her a few weeks ago."

"I don't understand, every time I speak to Rukia's doctors, they have never once seemed concerned about this sort of thing. They don't even examine her anymore, how would they know if-" the younger man was cut of by Isshin whispering.

"That's another thing... they don't know. Only me, Rukia, and now you know." Byakuya narrowed his eyes, he was about to respond, but Isshin beat him to it. "If they would have known, then Rukia wouldn't have been able to be released early. Being in the hospital made Rukia very depressed, I thought it was a little counter intuitive to keep her there for cutting when that was a cause of the cutting in the first place. I know her doctors wouldn't agree with me, so I've never mentioned it."

Byakuya sat back in his chair, suddenly understanding. "I still wish you would have told me, she's been harming herself and I hadn't even known. Plus, I've never taken any measures to reduce any kind of..." he remembered the word Rukia had used, "urges." Byakuya's mind flashed to all the knifes just sitting openly on the counter.

"And I don't want you to. How is Rukia able to learn to resist the urge to cut, when there is never any provocation?" Byakuya understood the logic behind that theory, but he didn't like it. "Besides, no matter what you do, there will always be something around that Rukia could use to cut herself." Byakuya remembered wondering how Rukia had managed to find something to cut herself in the high security room.

"Byakuya, please do not worry yourself sick. The only thing that you can do is trust that she's improving, and make sure she takes her medicine." He felt a little hopeless that that was all he could do. All his life, he had a way of being able to fix problems that seemed in-fixable. But this was something Isshin Kurosaki said that he could do nothing about.

He certainly didn't like that one bit.

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Toshiro couldn't help but think that the day had been dragging on and on and on since he had woken up. His morning classes were so boring that he had fallen asleep twice, and sleeping in class instead of taking valuable notes was something that Toshiro Hitsugaya did not do. As if it couldn't have gotten any worse, he had a double shift at the library.

He sighed for what felt like the millionth time as he continued to replace books on the shelve. As he was stacking, he noticed a few titles that he had actually read before. Pretty soon he was deep in thought, not noticing a familiar person standing right in front of him. "Toshiro?"

He looked up at the person who thought they were bold enough to use his first name, and tried to force a smile to his face, but found it rather hard. "It's Hitsugaya, remember?"

"I don't think I will ever be able to call you that." His visitor replied sadly. Not wanting to drag this out anymore than it had to be, he responded quickly.

"Is there something you need Momo?" He also called her by her fist name, wincing after realizing he was being a hypocrite. Although he ignored it, not wanting to go through the embarrassing process of correcting himself.

"I need to talk to you about something," she said quietly, which had him a little surprised. In all the years he had known Momo Hinamori, she was never quiet.

He sighed, "what is it?" Toshiro continued to shelve books while she spoke.

"It's Rukia. I know she seems really sweet and innocent, plus she's very beautiful, but you should stay away from her." Toshiro immediately stopped his actions and looked up at her from his position on the floor with his eyebrows raised. He stood to face her more fully.

"Look Hinamori," she winced at his wording, "What we had was nice, but it had to end, we just were not meant to be together. I'm very sorry for hurting your feelings, I wish you would just accept us as good friends."

She smiled a little ruefully at his comments. "I know. That's not why I'm telling you this. I'm just trying to protect you from getting hurt. She's not... right." She continued carefully after seeing the glare he was giving her. "I think you should end it."

"Hinamori, if you came in here with the intention to piss me off, then your doing a pretty good job at it."

"Tosh- Hitsugaya, I'm just telling you the truth, she has schi-"

"Hinamori, please leave." Seeing Toshiro's full on glare at her made her shrink back in surprise. "I don't want to hear anymore of this."

Momo didn't realize the extent of Toshiro's feelings for Rukia. Rukia of all people! Tears filled her eyes at how _wrong _the whole thing was. She might go crazy on him! Sure she seemed stable but that's how she was. One second she seemed normal, then the next she was flippin' insane!

"_so then I was like, 'no I won't give you my number' and he was all like 'well bitch-" Momo immediately cut off from telling her story when she noticed Rukia put her face in her hands and began rocking back and forth. "Rukia! Are you alright?" _

"_Stop! Stop! Be quiet, please stop talking to me!" After a moment Momo realized she wasn't speaking to her, but to herself. Hastily she got up off the bed and scrambled to the wall where a row of buttons stood. She pressed the 'emergency' one just like the nurse informed her to if this ever happened. _

_When two doctors in white coats came rushing in, Rukia squeezed back against the corner of the bed at the sight of a long needle in one of their hands. She started screaming at them to stay away from her. It took Momo a second to recognize the wet feeling on her face as tears. But not tears of sadness. Of fear. _

"But I think your making a huge mistake," Momo felt a pang in her chest when she saw Toshiro start to walk away from her. When he slammed the door of the break room behind him, she turned and walked out the main doors of the library.

She was just trying to keep him safe! Why couldn't he see that? Rukia was dangerous, and she was afraid for his safety.

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"Are you sure that they want me here?" Rukia asked her boyfriend, a little nervous. They were riding in his nice car to Ichigo's house to go to a pool party. While it was in fact fall, the days were still scorching hot, so a pool party seemed appropriate.

"Of course, I want you there, so they want you there." Rukia gave a light laugh at his logic, trying to distract herself from the fact that she was going to her therapists house. She was hoping and praying that he wasn't going to be home. "Hey I've been wondering," she looked at him fully, "how do you know Momo?"

"I haven't seen her in a while. We were... friends I guess." Rukia was obviously skeptical about answering any questions around this subject. It was risky.

"How did you meet?" He prodded some more. Then he saw the far away look in her eyes, and the anxiety that his question brought up in her. "Never mind it doesn't matter." His dismissal of the topic seemed to relax her.

The rest of the ride was in silence, Rukia contemplating the party, and he about her. What Hinamori was trying to say to him made him angry every time he thought of it. She was trying to break them up, most likely for her own selfish gain. He felt guilty thinking it, but he knew she still wasn't over him. Which she should have been, because they had broken up months ago.

The arrived at the large house, and Rukia couldn't help but think nastily to herself, _I bet the constant source of income from me helped pay for this ridiculously large house. _She immediately apologized in her own mind.

Instead of knocking on the front door, Toshiro led her around back with a hand on her lower back. He held open a gate for her, she gave him a smile to show her appreciation. Since know one was looking, she leaned up and gave him a swift kiss on the lips. She received one of his slight smiles by the action.

That was another thing, Rukia no longer felt nervous about kissing him. Just a deep, radiating, good feeling every time their lips met. It was almost therapeutic, the smell of the ocean, and his very soft lips had a way of calming her.

"Hey! You guys made it!" The now familiar strawberry topped man entered their line of vision. He was walking towards them rapidly. Behind him was a massive pool that held about ten people inside. Around the edge she noticed was probably another ten people. Rukia's nerves quickly shot through her at all the new people at once. She wasn't expecting this at all, just the people she had already met. She laughed lightly at herself realizing they were all there as well. Including Hinamori.

"Yeah, can't pass up a pool when it's two hundred degrees outside." Ichigo pretended to look hurt by his comment.

He turned his attention to her, "must be weird being here isn't it?" He was obviously referring to the house being owned by his father. Toshiro sent him a glare, "but don't worry, he's not here." Rukia smiled at that. Not that she didn't like his father, it would have just been strange to see him at his house.

"Anyway, help yourself to the food and drinks," he motioned a table sitting in the shade that housed many different items of food. He then left them at that, Ichigo ran and cannon-balled into the pool.

Toshiro seemed to notice her uncomfortable expression, "I'm sorry I didn't know there was going to be this many people here. We'll go sit next to Renji and Matsumoto. You know them." He once again led her by the small of her back, and it sent a shiver up her spine.

"It's...okay," Rukia said reassuringly, it wasn't his fault. He knew how nervous she got, Toshiro would have never knowingly brought her to a party with some many unfamiliar people. They reached the table and sat down at chairs that were so close together that they were touching. Not that either minded.

"Hey! Hitsugaya, Rukia!" Renji called to them as the attention was drawn to the newly seated couple. Toshiro realized in that moment that he didn't even know Rukia's last name. He had never thought of asking her, she had always just been Rukia. It dawned on him how weird it would seem to anyone else that he didn't know his girlfriends last name. That's how their relationship was really, Toshiro knew basically nothing about her.

And for the first time in the time that they had been dating, it worried him. A lot.

He tried to shake Momo's words from his head but found it near impossible. He attempted to reason with himself that that was just how Rukia was. She was a very secretive girl. His toe was dipped into the figurative pond of her life with the knowledge that she saw a therapist quite often. She hadn't even been the one to tell him that. Kurosaki did.

Toshiro looked up at the girl in question who was currently in deep conversation with Matsumoto, and any ill-placed thoughts by Hinamori were swept from his head at the sight of her. Rukia was smiling brightly at something the other girl had said. Seeing her like this, smiling so innocently made him think of what an idiot he was being.

How could Rukia possibly be hiding anything bad from him. She was by far the sweetest most innocent women he had ever met. Rukia managed to make it so that it wasn't overwhelming, she wasn't childlike by any means. Sure, she was very inexperienced but her passion made up for it. He found he rather liked her like that.

"Are you even listening to me?" Toshiro was brought out of his thoughts by Renji's angry words. He was too lost in thought for him to realize that Renji had been speaking the entire time.

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I was saying that we were about to get into the pool, if you and Rukia would like to join us." Renji didn't seem angry anymore just impatient.

Toshiro leaned over and regretfully interrupted Matsumoto's and Rukia's very important conversation about clothing, "Rukia would you like to get in the pool?"

Rukia seemed to hesitate at this. The pool didn't seem to have as many people in it as when they first arrived, and she was beginning to sweat. The temptation was to much to pass over, "Yes, that would be nice."

He simply nodded at her and stood before taking his shirt off, leaving him in his swim trunks. Rukia couldn't help but stare. He was muscled in all the right places, complete with the perfect six pack of abs. He was slightly sweaty but Rukia didn't mind at all. It made him more... attractive, if that was even possible. So attractive, that she was feeling a little brave.

"You should take your shirt off more often," he looked down at her and smirked at the -he dare say- lust filled expression on her face, and in her eyes.

A deep chuckle came from Toshiro's lips, "well come on, we don't have all day." She playfully smacked his arm, but her smile betrayed her pretend anger.

She giggled before pulling off her own dress, and instantly felt uncomfortable. It wasn't from the way Toshiro traced his eyes down her body, much in the way she had. It was more from the idea of how exposed she really was. She was wearing a purple bikini that she had purchased the day before, now wishing that she would have chosen a one piece. It wasn't necessarily the fact that her skin was showing, it was more the idea that people could see more of her. She consciously brought her forearms closer to her body in the hope that no one would see the scars.

But she knew they wouldn't, they were faint and the only way to see them would be to go looking for them, or if Rukia put her arm in their face. She was smarter than that, she knew how to keep them unnoticed. She tried to relax.

Toshiro seemed to be aware of her hesitance, even if he didn't understand it. "You look beautiful, there is no need to be nervous." He whispered it into her ear and she instantly felt comforted, Rukia boldly grabbed his hand and led him to the pool. Toshiro jumped in, while Rukia settled for simply sitting on the ledge just beneath the surface of the water. He always knew what to say to her to calm her down, even if he did it unknowingly. She smiled to herself, Rukia knew how lucky she was to have Toshiro. She just wished that he liked her as much as she liked him.

The hair on the back of her neck stood on end at the feeling of someone staring at her. She looked around her until she saw it was none other than Hinamori Momo.

Of course.

Rukia sighed once she noticed that the older girl wasn't looking. She was glaring.

It made her sad to think that a girl she once considered her friend was now glaring at her like she was the lowest being to walk the earth. Rukia very much regretted everything she had said the night of the soccer game, but at the same time, a little harsh words shouldn't have been enough for her to hate Rukia.

Rukia tried sending her a smile, hoping it would fix any problems. Hinamori simply looked away.

"Hey Rukia," came a voice from just beside her, which startled her out of her deep thoughts. It was Ichigo Kurosaki swimming right beside her seat on the ledge. "I wanted to apologize for kind of ruining your date all those weeks ago." He seemed embarrassed because he was sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.

Toshiro swam up beside them, and took a seat on the ledge, right next to Rukia. So close that their thighs were touching. She couldn't hold back a small blush. "Don't worry about it," she tried to give the strawberry a reassuring smile to show that she wasn't mad anymore.

He nodded at her instead of responding, "you know, you could have brought some of your friends Rukia."

Panic instantly filled Rukia's chest but neither Ichigo nor Toshiro noticed, "yeah, I've never met them," he said giving her a look with his eyebrows raised.

"Umm well," what was she suppose to say? _You've never met them because I don't have any_. Who would say that?

Fortunately she was saved by an unknowing Ichigo, "Momo! Come here!" Toshiro and Rukia both turned and saw said girl walking towards them. Rukia noted dryly that she was swinging her hips a little harder than necessary.

"Hello Ichigo," she smiled coyly, "hi Toshiro," the way Hinamori emphasized her boyfriends name made her fingers curl, and her eyes to narrow. Hinamori had completely ignored her presence, and it made Rukia feel like an insect ready to be trampled on.

The two boys seemed to notice the tension between the two girls, because Ichigo rubbed the back of his neck and Toshiro placed his arm around her back and pulled her closer to him. She missed the look that Toshiro sent to Hinamori. But Ichigo clearly saw it, and he felt a little uncomfortable being in the middle of this situation.

Hinamori smiled one last time, before bouncing off in a different direction, completely happy with herself. "Man I don't know what her deal is with you Rukia, but I apologize for her." He paused before completely putting his foot in his mouth, "don't worry about it, she's just jealous because your dating her ex-boyfriend."

Toshiro instantly sent him a glare silencing him, but Rukia obviously heard. She tensed up and looked off into space for a minute. After a moment of silence from everyone she stood out of Toshiro's hold and walked away from him. "Rukia, wait!"

Toshiro called after her but she didn't pause in her steps at all. "Ichigo, you seriously have a way of pissing me off." The strawberry man simply let himself sink underwater.

Toshiro quickly followed after her, when he caught up enough to her her grabbed onto her arm and pulled her around to face him. Before he could apologize for not telling her she spoke, "I'm not mad, just... confused."

The sad expression on her face made him feel horrible but also a little bit of angry, "I'm sorry for not telling you, but Rukia you don't tell me a lot of things." Rukia was keeping everything from him, for some reason or another.

A flash of anger spread across her face before dying down again, "your right, you don't owe me any explanation."

Toshiro felt horrible again, all traces of anger gone. "Come with me," he laced his hand into hers and pulled her along next to him. Rukia was a little nervous as to were he was taking her. Was he going to break up with her? She wouldn't be able to handle it, she liked him too much.

She was just a little shocked to hear that Toshiro and Hinamori dated. To imagine that maybe one of those stories she use to tell her back at the hospital were about Toshiro made her upset. Toshiro was hers, and she didn't want to share. Rukia knew that was wrong to think, he wasn't like her. He had girlfriends before her.

Rukia let out a deep sigh as Toshiro sat down on a metal bench in the Kurosaki's back yard, a little away from everyone else. It was like one of the benches you found scattered around the city with advertisements on them for various companies. This bench didn't have any advertisements and she found it a little uncomfortable. Or maybe it was just the upcoming conversation that was making her uncomfortable.

"Me and Hinamori dated for a few years. We started junior year of high school, but about six months ago, I broke up with her. I don't like her like that, I see her as more of a friend. Although as of right now a very annoying friend. She still has... feelings for me. I've told her again and again that we couldn't be together but I don't think she will accept it."

Rukia kept silent as she listened to him talk, "I knew we would never work, but my father pressured me into it. He and her father are good friends and he thinks that she would be a very good girlfriend for me." He paused and looked at her facial expression which betrayed nothing, "that's another reason me and my father don't get along, he thinks I should try to work it out with her but I told him no, she wasn't the girl for me."

Despite the sad story Rukia couldn't help but smile at him and for herself. "Toshiro, are fathers are very alike."

This conversation was no longer about Hinamori in Rukia's eyes, she wanted to use the opportunity to tell him something about herself. Something that wasn't embarrassing or big in any way. "What do you mean?" He responded softly, as if afraid she wasn't going to answer.

"They both expect things from us that we can't give."

"So you and your father don't get along?" He prodded, speaking just as softly again.

Rukia frowned slightly, "no he doesn't much care for me. He cares more about his stupid company and my older brother."

Toshiro smiled sadly at her, understanding, "what about your mother?" He hesitantly asked.

A flash of pain came over her eyes, making Toshiro regret asking in the first place. "She died when I was young."

His thumb began moving soothingly across part of her hand that wasn't clasped in his, "I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago," she forced a smile to her face trying to show him that she wasn't that upset.

A few moments of peaceful silence reigned over them, Rukia leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. This man was perfect. He made her feel like she was just as perfect as him, like she was special. Nothing could break her when they were together, she was safe with him.

Completely safe from everything.

Safe from her fathers harsh and unfair judgment of her.

Safe from people like Hinamori who made her feel like there was something wrong with her.

And safe from herself.

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><p><strong>SOOO? what do you think? Im very excited for you to read the next couple chapters, they are going to be very exciting, but for now, how did you like this semi-boring one?<strong>

**You may have noticed that Toshiro is getting a little frustrated with knowing so little about Rukia. I hope you didn't think he seemed a little harsh with momo, he was just upset with her. He isnt that mean, he's a totally softie:)**

**THANKS A LOT for reading, and PLEASE review! it makes updates come much faster. **

**P.S this chapter is the longest one yet! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Another quick update! I'm on a roll!... was. I'm going on vacation next week, so I'm not really going to be near my computer, so I wont be able to type up the next chapter, so it might be a little bit longer than these updates have been. But not by much! And lucky for me im going on vacation again like a week after I get back from this one, so... yeah.:)**

**This chapter is where all the drama starts! hope you like it! (sorry for any grammer mistakes)**

**As always thanks to the reviewers that I can't respond to:)**

**Disclaimer: I Don't Own Bleach.**

**Happy Reading!:)**

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><p>The day before kept playing itself through Rukia's head over and over again. She had had an amazing time with Toshiro, after their little talk they went and rejoined the group by the pool. Surprisingly, Rukia really liked his friends they were funny, and she had a good time around them. She really enjoyed her and Rangiku's conversations, they talked well into the night when Toshiro and the other boys were doing their thing. Funny enough, Rangiku was a fashion major at the university. She described what college was going to be like, it was <em>very <em>different from high school. Not that Rukia would know what high school was like.

When Rukia mentioned that she was only sixteen (almost seventeen), Rangiku practically had a heart attack. She turned around and yelled at her boyfriend from across the pool, that he was 'robbing the cradle'. For some reason, Rukia found she didn't mind the busty girls loud proclamation in front of all of Toshiro's friends. She distinctly remembered giggling at his facial expression.

Then Rukia got to thinking, _is this what having real friends is like? _People who laugh not only with you, but at you. People who push you into the pool when your walking by, and when they get up to get a drink, offer to get you one as well. People who tease you about silly meaningless things like Rangiku had to Toshiro about her age. Somewhere in her mind, Rukia knew that was what friends did, but actually seeing it was another thing.

It was _real_. Seeing is believing.

Knowing that she would have made those bonds with people as well had she not been locked away for six years made her very sad. What was it that Ichigo had said? _"you know, you could have brought some of your friends Rukia."_

No, no she couldn't. She couldn't even remember her childhood friends, she vaguely recalled that they the children of her mothers friends. For as long as she could remember, she had been by herself. It was hard to picture anything in her mind that wasn't white. Everything in that place had been white. It was very stereotypical, like in the television shows that made fun of people like her, they had actually gotten it quite accurate. Except the loneliness. They never showed or talked about how lonely it got. On the occasions you were out of your room, the random people you pass in the hallways would ignore you. Even the doctors could care less about you, they asked you questions about if you are in pain, or 'if you are seeing anything' but they don't ask what your favorite movie is, the don't ask what you like. They don't pretend to care.

Rukia could feel the tears well up in her eyes, but she didn't dare let them fall. She pulled the covers closer to herself, and closed her eyes. She wanted to forget the last six years. She would rather it just be a blank space in her memory, something impossible to remember. If she didn't remember, then it wouldn't hurt.

She had been feeling increasingly sad the entire day, doing nothing more that laying in bed under the covers. Only coming out to use the restroom and to brush her teeth. She knew that she should probably be hungry, but she wasn't. Rukia didn't register anything besides the overwhelming feelings of sadness and pain. But not pain in the physical sense. It was like something was weighing on her body forcing her from moving.

She knew letting herself feel like this was dangerous, when she had these occasional episodes she was suppose to call her therapist and talk to him, but she didn't want to. He would worry, and would want her to come into his office to speak to him. Rukia couldn't fathom the idea.

"Rukia?" Hearing the gentle voice of Hisana startled her, if she was home from classes that meant it was one o'clock. Rukia briefly looked over the coverlet that was hiding Hisana from her view to see her. "Are you feeling all right?"

Instead of responding, Rukia just nodded and re-hid Hisana from her view. "Have you gotten out of bed today?"

Still no response.

Rukia heard the shifting of the floor boards which told her that her brothers fiancee was crossing the room closer to her. "Would you like me to make you something to eat?"

Hisana was now standing right next to her peering down at her. "No," Rukia said with a raspy voice from not using it all day. She knew Hisana was probably worried, but she couldn't find it in her to care. The next second she was out the door.

Rukia rolled over into a new position, facing the wall. Not even five minutes later, Hisana returned with something in her hand. "Here, you need to take these." When she reached her bed she held out her orange pills that Rukia was suppose to have already taken for the morning.

Rukia didn't even fight her on it, she sat up which made her bones pop from being in the same position all day. She reached for the pills out of Hisana's hand and gratefully took the water she held out as well.

After taking her medicine, she fell back down, and Hisana left the room again. No doubt she had called her brother. How else would she have known that Rukia hadn't taken her medicine yet? Byakuya knows everything and Rukia was fully expecting for Byakuya to give her a lecture later about not taking her medicine as soon as she had woken up.

Rukia was brought out of her cynical thoughts by a loud and annoying ring tone going off in the room. At first she had considered letting it ring, but after looking at the caller ID she knew that would have been a bad idea and would get her into further trouble.

"Hello?" She hesitantly said into her cell phone.

"Rukia, what do you think your doing?" Came the response of the calm and collected voice of her brother.

"...nothing."

"Exactly, get out of bed, go eat whatever Hisana made you, and if you don't start taking your medicine as soon as you wake up then I'm going to make you get up when I do at six and take it in front of me."

"Yes father," Rukia said sarcastically before hanging up on him. Rukia in her right mind would never dream of hanging up on Byakuya Kuchiki. She knew she was going to get it when he got home, but she couldn't find it in herself to care.

X

X

X

Byakuya stared at his phone in shock, _she did not just hang up on me._ But the dial tone coming from the other end reassured him that she had. Byakuya wasn't angry, he knew how Rukia got when she was having a 'episode'. She would happily stay in bed all day if he let her. He just knew she hadn't taken her medicine and that that was the source of her depressed mood. He sighed and returned his phone to his pocket, remembering how worried he had been when Hisana had called him sounding upset.

Even though he knew not to take anything Rukia said to heart when she was having a bad day, her words did have truth in them. He was acting like her father instead of a brother. But in all honesty, Rukia needed to be taken care of, if he didn't do it then who would? Her actually father? Not a chance. He would simply place her back in the hospital and that would destroy her.

He didn't mind in the slightest that he had to look after Rukia. He had to protect his innocent sister from the harsh reality that was the life of being a Kuchiki. It wasn't always fun to be in the spotlight.

When Rukia was a child she was sweet and kind, she was always smiling and laughing without a care in the world. He admired that about her. Her carefree and easygoing nature, it made him feel at ease especially in the presence of their extremely strict father. He was never like that with Rukia, he treated her like a princess. He loved her deeply, it was hard to believe it was the same man who now so freely insulted her. He bought her whatever new toy she wanted, allowed her to stay up late, took her to the park when he wasn't working, he even gave her sweets before dinner when his wife wasn't looking. It was hard to believe that something like a mental sickness could erase all that care and love. But it had, now he treats Rukia like she is contagious, always keeping her away from him. Out of sight, out of mind.

Byakuya was startled out of his depressive thoughts by the sound of his ring tone. Taking it from his pocket, he frowned when he noticed the name, "hello?"

"Yes, Byakuya hi," Dr. Kurosaki's voice sounded very hesitant as if he didn't really want to be calling in the first place. Byakuya instantly assumed this was about this was about Rukia this morning. _Maybe Rukia had called him? _But that didn't even seem right, Rukia never called him, she didn't like to bother him. Which was foolish, he was being paid a very high sum to talk to her whenever she wanted.

He noted almost cynically that he and Isshin Kurosaki had been talking on the phone a lot recently. Much more than the ever had before. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Not really, I'm just calling to tell you something rather unfortunate." This statement made Byakuya's eyebrows rise in confusion.

"Okay, what would that be?" He was becoming impatient at Kurosaki's lack of getting to the point.

"I came back from my lunch break and I instantly noticed that my door was unlocked." He was talking soft now, almost whispering. "Byakuya, my door is always locked."

"Alright," Byakuya responded in a indifferent manner.

"I was worried, I searched my entire office, and I couldn't find a single thing out of place. So I looked through my filing cabinets and I realized what was missing,"

"And what was that?"

"Rukia's file."

Byakuya immediately stopped walking and for that matter, stopped breathing. "Excuse me?" He had to question what Kurosaki was saying, there was absolutely no way that the file containing every ounce of Rukia's life was missing. No way possible.

"I don't know how it could have happened, someone had to have broken into my office, I _always _lock it when I leave, I know how important that information is. I've already called security, and they are going to try and figure it out."

"I am deeply sorry, I-" Byakuya took a page out of Rukia's book and hung up on the man. It was his fault. He had to have done something, maybe he did leave his door unlocked by accident. Why was Rukia's file not stored somewhere where it couldn't be easily obtained? It was very confidential, not even the other therapists were aloud to look in it or know about her case without permission. There was too much of a risk that her life would be revealed to the world. No one knew that the famed billionaire Soujun Kuchiki had a daughter.

In a very un-Byakuya like manner, he decided it was imperative he skipped his next class and headed straight home. Upon reaching his car he felt a drop of rain splash his face, he looked to the sky and saw the angry dark clouds full of rain just waiting to be released. Good thing he drove today.

What a horrible day.

And it was only going to get worse.

X

X

X

"Hisana?"

Said girl flinched from her spot in the kitchen by the break in silence. She turns and looks over Rukia who is awkwardly standing in the middle of the kitchen, holding herself. Her hair was wet, presumably from taking a shower, and she was looking towards the ground, "I'm sorry for my behavior earlier."

Hisana knew she had to tread carefully with Rukia, she was so breakable. So fragile. Like one word could shatter her completely. "Are you alright?" she hesitantly asked, "what was going on...?" She trailed off at the end, not really knowing what she was asking and praying that Rukia somehow would.

She didn't seem offended by the question at all, she wrapped herself up further in a comfy blanket she had on over her outfit. "I'm better," the medicine had had enough time to take effect. "I was just sad," the word sad felt childish to say. She knew thing to say would have been, _I was just having a moment of depression because of I'm bipolar and hadn't taken my medicine. _But who would actually say that? So Rukia settled with 'sad'.

Hisana nodded at her explanation seeming to understand that that was the only thing Rukia would say about it. She didn't like talking about her disorders very much, and Hisana didn't blame her. She didn't want to be viewed as the schizophrenic bipolar girl. She just wanted to be Rukia.

"Can I have that lunch now?" Rukia smiled a little sheepishly, with a little dusting of red on her cheeks. Hisana knew she was probably embarrassed about earlier, and nodded with a bright smile on her face.

"Of course, I hope French onion soup is okay?" Rukia nodded happily at her question, she actually loved the stuff. Hisana no doubt made it because she knew this. Rukia took a seat at the table as she handed her a bowl and spoon before grabbing her own.

They sat in a comfortable silence until Hisana couldn't bear it any longer, "are you excited to start classes next semester?"

A bright smile lit across Rukia's face, it was almost hard to believe that not even a half an hour ago the girl wouldn't even get out of her bed, "yes, very excited! I already know one person who will be in a few classes!"

"That's great, who is it?" Hisana asked very curious.

"Her name is Rangiku Matsumoto, she's a year ahead of me, but she just decided to take fashion and design courses so she will be in classes with me. She's very nice, she's Toshiro's friend."

Hisana noticed how she called her 'Toshiro's friend' and not 'my friend'. She was about to comment on it but the sound of the door opening and closing caught her attention. Instantly she was frightened, who would be coming in at this time? Byakuya was in class.

By the look on Rukia's face, she was thinking the same thing. Then they heard footsteps clearly heading for the kitchen, and Byakuya himself stepped into view.

"Jesus Byakuya! You scared me and Rukia half to death!" He clearly was in no mood for apologies by the look on his face. "Whats wrong?"

Glancing at Rukia, she was looking face down obviously thinking he was upset because of her not taking her pills as soon as she had woken up, and hanging up on him probably. "Hisana may I speak with you in our room for a second?"

Rukia raised her head and an eyebrow at Byakuya's strange behavior, if he was mad at her, he wouldn't be telling Hisana behind her back like a schoolgirl, Byakuya would say it to her face. Something else was wrong, and she was instantly concerned.

They both stepped out of her sight and into their shared bedroom before closing the door behind them.

_Oh well, might as well watch TV 'till Byakuya stops sulking. _Rukia happily thought, making her way to the living room.

"Byakuya whats happened? Why are you home?" Hisana asked quietly, what ever he needed to tell her, it was obvious that he didn't want Rukia to know.

"Someone stole Rukia's file from her therapists office," he said in the same volume of voice that his fiancee had. Hisana gasped, "I don't want her to know, she would panic, we need to find out what happened, security has been looking into it, I'm going over there now, would you like to go with me?" She nodded in conformation.

She felt dread inside her, but she couldn't hold in a rather sarcastic response, "Byakuya Kuchiki skipping a class?" She gave him a small smile hoping that it relieved some of his tension. It seemed it had because he gave her a smirk of his own.

"It doesn't much matter, I don't even need to go to college if I don't want too," and Hisana knew he was right. He told her once that he was going because it was a way of stalling him from taking over the company. He wasn't ready to be in charge of a very large, international corporation. He wanted to live a little first.

"I'm glad you decided to, if you didn't, we would have never met." Hisana gave him a full smile, which was rewarded with a slight one from the man before her. He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss. It was moments like these when she knew there was absolutely no way she would ever love a man more than she loved Byakuya Kuchiki.

"We need to get going," she knew he was right, and followed him out the door of the bedroom.

The stepped into the living room to see Rukia flipping channels on the large flat screen. Rukia wasn't one to watch television a lot, she was more into reading and drawing then anything, so it was a strange sight. When she noticed they were both putting their shoes on and heading to the door, Rukia asked, "are you guys going somewhere?" She didn't move her gaze away from the changing channels.

"Yes, we will be back shortly," once Hisana had grabbed her purse, they were ready to leave, Byakuya put his hand on the handle and froze with his back turned to the door. Something interesting caught Rukia's attention on TV.

_'Breaking news!' _read the bold red header on the screen, Byakuya instantly knew where this was going and wished he had enough time to run and turn the television off.

"_Earlier today, we received an anonymous package, and inside was a medical file of a person we never knew existed." _The dramatic blonde reporter said with enthusiasm and a bright smile on her glowing face. It was as if she had just won the lottery with this new story.

"_The file is for a Miss. Rukia Kuchiki, daughter of the infamous Soujun Kuchiki, head of Kuchiki enterprises. As you may know this company is a multi-billion dollar corporation that controls much of the economy of Japan. Rukia is the sister of Byakuya Kuchiki who is due to take over as CEO any day now. Your probably wondering why we never knew there was a daughter in the famed family, we found some disturbing evidence as to why this was." _

Rukia was no longer relaxed in the chair, now she was sitting forward with a tensed back, and she looked terrified, "Rukia turn it off," Byakuya commanded, not wanting his sister to see hear they were going to say about her. Rukia shook her head and it sounded like she was beginning to hyperventilate.

"_Miss Kuchiki was placed into Karakura Mental Facility when she was ten years old, she was admitted because she attacked her brother Byakuya with the intent to kill him, she was diagnosed with a mild Schizophrenia, and a bipolar disorder. When she was fourteen she tried to commit suicide by cutting her wrists, however we do not know the reason as to why. It is clear that she is disturbed. Schizophrenia is a mental illness that causes hallucinations and delusions that can be very dangerous. Bipolar disorder is when a person's mood fluctuates between mania -extreme happy feelings, and depression -extreme sad feelings. _

They now showed a picture of Rukia when she was ten, followed by the picture the hospital took when she turned sixteen. She was not smiling in the picture, in fact she looked very sad. _This is not happening, I'm imagining it. This is not happening, this is __not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening! _Chanting this in her head was all Rukia could do to keep herself from having some kind of breakdown.

"_A few months ago, Rukia was released from the mental facility at the age of sixteen and is now roaming around with the rest of society. There is no telling if she is dangerous or not, we tried to call Soujun Kuchiki to see what he had to say about the matter, but representatives from his corporation refused to comment." _The lady on the screen paused to catch her breath,_ "we have reason to believe that the Kuchiki family did not want this information released to the public because it would tarnish the great Kuchiki name. There may also be a very bad relationship between the Kuchiki siblings, Byakuya probably never wanted to see her again after what she did to him." _

"_She was most likely kept in the institution for so long -six years to be exact- because of the threat the family felt from her. As I said earlier she had already attacked the older Kuchiki son, maybe they feared she would do it again. We have no clue as to why she was released but we will be researching into this matter further." _

The bold red header on the TV now said, 'Kuchiki Scandal'. They seemed to have no more to talk about on the matter because they switched the view over to the weather, but the story was running in small print on the bottom of the screen.

Rukia was no longer paying attention to the TV, knowing that they weren't saying horrible things about her anymore. She felt like a large brick, so heavy that if she tried to move she couldn't. It was all happening much to fast, she could no longer control her heavy breathing and she knew she was having some kind of anxiety attack.

How could this be happening?

"Rukia?" In the back of her mind, she faintly heard her brothers concerned voice calling out her name, but she ignored it. She didn't want to speak to him, not to anyone. Faster than she thought she could possibly move, she darted off the couch, and into the safety of her bedroom. She swiftly closed the door behind her and locked it. (She had just convinced her brother not even a few days ago to buy her a locking door handle, Rukia previously wasn't allowed to have one.). Feeling like she had no energy to move across the room to her bed, she collapsed right there on the floor, she leaned her back against the cold wooden door.

Rukia continued with her harsh breathing, she could feel her heart beating against her chest so hard she thought it was going to come out. She put her head in her hands and tried to control it. She felt the dampness on her forehead that told her that she was freaking out so bad that she was sweating.

Her heart was beating so hard, the last time she remembered it feeling like this was when she met Toshiro for the first time. _Toshiro..._

A heart-wrenching sob tore from her throat, as her eyes began shedding tears faster than they ever had before. He was going to see almost all her secrets on TV, and he would hate her. Hate her more than if she were to tell him herself. She wasn't ready for him to know these things about her yet, she figured she would wait until she knew for a matter of fact that she was in love with him.

Rukia had such deep feelings for him that she couldn't bare the thought of him not wanting to be with her anymore. And the lies that the news reporter was saying made Rukia want to march down to that news station and scream in her face that she was wrong. She was not dangerous, and she loved her brother very much, what had happened when she was young was an accident. She didn't mean to hurt him.

She felt the door handle be moved as if someone was trying to enter her room, but they couldn't because it was locked. She heard her brother sigh from behind the thick door, "Rukia, will you let me in?"

She covered her mouth with a nearby pillow so that he couldn't hear her gasping for air in between her sobs. _Toshiro is going to think I'm crazy, _Rukia thought. She couldn't control her tears, they flowed down her face much like a river. _Maybe if he hears it from me, he won't be so angry or upset or confused. Maybe he won't hate me. _

Hope filled her whole being, she knew it was foolish to feel so hopeful. It was a dangerous emotion. It brought you out of a difficult painful place and into a much better one where everything works out for the best and nothing bad could possible happen. Then the bad horrible things do, and you feel worse than you had before you began to _hope._

Even knowing this, a new determination roared in Rukia. She had to tell him before he saw it on TV.

First standing off the floor, she felt a little dizzy, and immediately wanted to sit back down but she knew that she couldn't. Rukia walked across the room, slipping into her shoes and took a deep breath. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she moved to the door before locking it and stepping out into the hallway where her brother stood staring at her with a strange emotion on his face, "I'll be back."

Before he could say anything to stop her, Rukia marched to the front door and went through it, into the hallway of the apartment complex. She decided to take the stairs, even though they were relatively high up. It gave her more time to think.

Rukia knew Toshiro was going to be in his dorm room, and luckily she knew where that was. All the way across campus. She started stepping down the stairs more quickly because he may have already seen the news. By the time she got outside Rukia was running.

She knew this could all go wrong, that it might leave her more broken than before but she had to hope because it was all that she had.

_Hope_

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><p><strong>SO? What did you think? were you suprised? how do you think the file ended up at the news station? how do you think Toshiro is going to react? I would love to know what you think!<strong>

**Thanks for reading! :) REVIEW!:)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry for the wait for the update, but I've been on two vacations in the last couple of weeks. And unfortunatley school is starting back up so... yeah. Anyway, this chapter is BIG. I dont just mean length big, I mean like ALOT happens. **

**IMPORTANT- its been so long since I last updated that I lost track of the reviews that I responded to and the ones I didnt, so if you reviewed and I didnt personally thank you, then i'm very sorry and I want to say thanks to all you awesome reviewers! I promise I will be better this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I dont own Bleach**

**Happy Reading:)**

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><p><em>One minute everything is fine. The next it is indescribable chaos. Life can never be perfect, it never will be, but there is a time when everything inside you and around you is a peace. Then something comes along that ruins that tranquility. And you may never get it back. <em>

The stormy clouds above Rukia did nothing to distract from the horrible panic inside of her. It was suffocating, but she had to push it away. Now was not the time. She was running as fast as she could across campus to the dorm room of a one Toshiro Hitsugaya, praying to every god she could think of that he had not watched the news. Or TV for that matter, her life story was playing on almost every station.

At first she didn't notice it. But then it became very apparent, people were staring at her as she ran past. Whispering about her, pointing even. They had definitely heard and they recognized her. She told herself not to slow down. Not to even think about it. It was not a priority right now, the only thing that mattered was getting to Toshiro's dorm room before someone decided to tell him. She could worry and panic all she wanted later, but right now was neither the time nor place.

It seemed like the journey was taking forever, when it reality it was only a five minute walk, so running it would be even shorter. It felt as if it was taking years. Even after she reached the front doors of the complex, time felt slowed. Once inside the building, she was happy to notice that there was not a single person roaming the halls. She allowed herself to slow to a walk and take deep calming breaths.

Rukia knew she probably looked like she had just been through hell but she couldn't find it in herself to care at the moment. When she arrived at room 119, she paused outside the door. She didn't allow herself to think, because she knew if she got to thinking then she would panic even more, and maybe even chicken out.

With one last deep inhale, she raised a shaking hand and knocked firmly on the hard door. It took a few moments but she heard shuffling from inside the room, and just after that she heard the lock unlatching and the door swung open.

Toshiro looked very surprised to see her, it was obvious he was expecting it to be anyone else on the other side of the door. "Rukia? What are you doing here? Are you alright?" He looked comfortable in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"I-I'm fine, I just... can I come in?" Rukia replied in the bravest voice she could possible muster. She refused to look anywhere but his gorgeous eyes, knowing that she may never get to see them again.

He nodded and stepped aside to let her in, Rukia walked passed him and tried to hold in a few shuddering breaths but found it impossible. "Rukia?" Toshiro closed the door behind him and they were bathed in the soft glow from the only lamp in the room.

This was the first time she had actually taken a good look at his room. He had a roommate -Ichigo to be exact, but luckily for Rukia he wasn't present at the moment. The room was typically small as most dorm rooms were. The walls were white with a few posters on them, on Toshiro's side, there were all about soccer. It was also much more neat and organized on his side, than on Ichigo's.

She turned to look at him, and met his concerned gaze. Looking at him at that moment, she didn't think there was a more handsome man in the world. He may be short in everyone else's standards but to her he was just the right amount of tall. He had the most beautiful tan that she knew she would never be able to achieve. And his eyes.. the most amazing shade of blue.

Before he could really even comprehend what was happening, Rukia all but launched herself at him. Suddenly they were kissing, much more passionately than they ever had before. Rukia shyly reached her tongue out, begging for entrance into his mouth. Toshiro was shocked but gladly met her tongue with his own. Rukia's mouth moved instinctively against his, her hands found his hair, and his her waist.

They pull apart for a few seconds to catch their breath, and Rukia clearly sees desire lit in his eyes. He saw the same, and something else as well that he couldn't really name. In the next second, his body is pressing hers against the wall and his lips are on her soft ones again. Rukia could feel his muscles rippling against her as he moved. That paired with his experienced lips brought a soft moan out from the very depths of her. She blushed at the sound hardly believing that she had made it.

Toshiro on the other hand was turned on more than ever by her sounds, he pressed her harder against the wall, and his lips made their way down the column of her pale neck. More treacherous sounds poured out of her mouth. Rukia wasn't really sure what she was doing, but she wanted to feel him more, so she drug her hands up under his loose shirt and traced her way around his chest and abs. He let out a masculine groan which showed he greatly approved of her wandering fingers.

He then reached down and placed a warm hand on her butt and lightly squeezed. While it felt surprisingly good to be fondled in such a way, it brought her out of her lust filled mind, and back to reality. She was here for a reason, not to heatedly make out with him, but to tell him the truth.

She just wanted a few more minutes of peace, of happiness with Toshiro. So she took them.

She responded eagerly, wanting to get as much as she could before he was gone from her life. She knew it was a dumb thought, but she wanted to give him a little pleasure before telling him something that will make him hate her.

With that thought in mind, she pushed him off of her and on to the bed -which was only a step away. Before he could really comprehend what was going on, Rukia straddled his hips and kissed him strongly. He groaned again, his hands once more found her butt, he used that to pull her even closer.

But as she settled in closer, she felt his... excitement against her inner thigh and her blush grew about ten shades. Suddenly she leaned back, and he looked at her strangely, then smiled with warmth in his eyes, "Sorry Rukia, I got a little carried away."

She stood off his lap and turned away from him. When she turned back to see him, she had tears in her eyes. His playful gaze turned into concern in three seconds flat. Speaking much softer this time, he said, "Rukia, whats going on?" Rukia looked into his eyes once more and felt the surge of panic, he was going to hate her.

Rukia had known she had strong feelings for him, but until this moment she didn't realize the true intensity of her feelings. She could never name them, she just knew they were there. The feeling spread through her when he gave her those smiles that were reserved only for her. It radiated from the tip of her toes to the top of her head and it warmed her. She could never really put a name to it it was just always _there_. But now when she was about to loose it all, the word hit her like a tuck. Love. She was in love with him. Rukia was in love with Toshiro.

She loved him and he was going to hate her.

Rukia could feel the panic attack coming on and apparently so could Toshiro. "Rukia, please tell me whats wrong!" It came out more as a demand then a question. He had long since jumped off the bed, and his hands were now placed on both cheeks. She had tear tracks, so he sweetly wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs.

"Do y-you remember how it always seemed like I was hiding a big secret?" Rukia reminded herself that she had to be strong, that she had to get her story out if there was any chance to save their relationship. So she stopped crying.

"Of course, I think about it all the time." Toshiro said slowly as if not understanding where she was going, until realization lit in his eyes, "But, Rukia I understand if you don't want to tell me whatever it is, I care enough for you to know that you will tell me when your ready."

Upon hearing this Rukia stepped away from him, "I don't have a choice," she mentally applauded herself for not stuttering on her words.

His eyes widened, "okay," Toshiro sat down on his bed and worriedly watched her pace back and forth across the room.

Rukia took one last long look at him and a nice deep breath before beginning her story.

Here it goes. "I'm sick," Rukia said so quietly she had almost hoped that he didn't hear her.

For a second he didn't say anything, "like... like cancer?" Toshiro looked so frantically worried that it broke her heart into a million little pieces. His lips were squeezed tightly shut together and she could swear he looked almost scared.

"Not t-that kind of sick," Rukia was now looking towards the floor, once again hoping he didn't hear her.

"What do you mean?" the worry was still present on his face, but the fear was gone, it was placed with a sort of curiosity.

"I'm..." she didn't know if she could do this anymore. She had never once told anyone about her disorders before. They had always just known. "I um..." Rukia swiped her hands down her face trying to pull herself together.

"I have..." she couldn't do this.

But then she was reminded of all the things the news reporter said, and that if she didn't tell him, then he would get a less than truthful version filled with assumptions.

Rukia sat on the bed next to him, but without looking at him, Toshiro didn't try to rush her, he knew that whatever she was about to tell him, it was big and he could wait a few more seconds. But, that didn't kill his urge to comfort her. He placed his larger hand on top of her much smaller one.

When she noticed the action, she looked up at him with guilt clearly written on her face. "I should start from the beginning, I'm a Kuchiki," Rukia turned so that she was no longer looking at him, but not before seeing the look of shock on his beautiful face.

"When I was about nine, I started to... see things. Not normal things, I was very afraid, my older brother Byakuya took care of me, my father didn't like what was happening to me. He thought I was... crazy. My father pulled me out of school and I was locked in my room when he had company over." Toshiro tightened his grip on her hand, she still wasn't looking at him.

"One night, it was really bad. I hurt Byakuya on accident. We were both sent to the hospital, and the doctors told me what was wrong with me." Rukia gently reclaimed her hand from Toshiro not wanting to feel him rip it away in disgust when he heard the truth.

"I have schizophrenia."

Rukia said hesitantly and quietly. She knew she had to be brave, to be strong.

He said nothing, Rukia finally turned to look at him from the corner of her eye, she couldn't really interpret the expression he had on his face. She adverted her eyes, not wanting to see the hatred when she told him the rest.

Now that she had the majority of the story out, she felt lighter in a sense. Like she wasn't being held down by secrets anymore.

"There's more," Rukia said in a tense voice knowing this next part was worse to tell, it made her seem like she _really_ was crazy, "because of what I did, I was... put away." Rukia stole another shuttering breath, not wanting to elaborate. "I was in Karakura Mental Hospital from when I was ten, up until about a few months ago."

Rukia heard him shift beside her, but she was to afraid to look at him, she pressed her fingertips into her palms very tightly in an act of anxiety. What she was about to say, she had never really spoken about except with her therapist, but she had to tell him. It was in the news report.

"Two years a-ago I was very lonely and depressed. I didn't have any friends, Byakuya was the only person to ever visit me. I... I... I tried to kill myself."

Rukia heard him take a quick intake of air, and felt him shift, but she didn't dare to look, she would breakdown in tears if she looked at him. She felt the urge already in the corner of her eyes, she tried with everything in her to push them away. "After that, they diagnosed me with bipolar disorder too."

Rukia stood from the bed, having finished her story. She kept her back towards him seeing as she could no longer control the tears streaming down her face.

"I'm so sorry, I should have told you from the beginning, but you have to understand, it's not something I just tell people. You are very important to me, but I am not so naive to think that you still want to be with me after knowing what you now know about me."

She turned to look at his face, for it could be one of the last times. She met his gaze, it had been locked on her. His eyes were a steely blue, he didn't seem to be angry, she couldn't put a word to his emotion. His jaw was also clenched tight.

But he sill didn't say a single thing.

Rukia swiftly walked to the door and opened it but looked back before walking out. She couldn't leave without telling him. Even if her heart was pounding in her chest so hard, and she wanted nothing more than to sob like a baby at the inexplicable pain she was feeling, she had to tell him.

"Toshiro... you probably want nothing more to do with me, but I have to tell you. Even though we have only been together for a few months, I think I've fallen in love with you."

Rukia quickly closed the door behind her, missing the widened eye look he sent her way.

She stood outside his door for a few moments, trying to pull herself together. It wouldn't do any good to breakdown here, right outside his door, for anyone to see as they walked by.

She tried to move fast, but couldn't, her legs just would not obey her commands, they were like metal. Like she was trying to run through water. Her entire walk home she cried her eyes out, not being able to find the will to care about everyone's stares and whispers.

The worst part was that Toshiro hadn't said anything, Rukia knew it would have tore her apart with his dismissal of her, but this not knowing was much worse.

The walk home seemed miles less than the walk to his apartment, but it was now sunset. Normally she would stop to look at the beautiful scenery, however she could care less at that moment. _We liked to watch sunsets together. _A sob tore through her throat at the thought. The rest of the journey home was a blur.

Upon reaching the high end apartment building, she froze on the spot. There were news reporters everywhere outside the front doors. They were from every single news station she knew of, and even one entertainment show.

This could not be happening. She was already having one of the worst days of her life, and now this? Rukia stepped behind a nearby bush hoping that even if they looked her way, they wouldn't see her.

She glanced towards the reporters once more, they were milling around talking to each other, waiting for her. They were the predator, and she the prey.

Rukia didn't know what to do, it was a lose-lose situation. Either she could go out and try to get passed them, which inevitably would not work. Or, she could just stand behind the tree until they left, but that wouldn't work, because she wanted nothing more than to curl up in her bed and cry her eyes out.

Luckily, she didn't have to make a choice, because the next time she poked her head out from behind the branches, she noticed a women standing at a side door that she hadn't noticed before. If Rukia was fast enough, she could get to the door that the women was holding open before the reporters noticed.

Rukia moved before she could even contemplate what to do next, halfway there the women noticed her coming her way and seemed to recognize her, because she held open the door further, and closed it behind the two of them as soon as Rukia had passed through the threshold.

Relief filled Rukia for a few moments before everything that had happened in the day set back in. She faced the unknown women and noted her strange appearance. She had choppy, short, black hair that had two symmetrical braided stands much longer down her back. She was only about a head taller than Rukia and had a scowl on her face, she looked tough.

Rukia barely had the emotional will power left to give a fake smile, it was obvious she was just bawling her eyes out. She had red puffy eyes and semi-dried tear tracks on each cheek. "Thank you for doing that, I really appreciate it," Rukia said softly.

"Don't worry about it, it's my job," she said cryptically, and gave her own fake smile to match Rukia's.

Not wanting to have a pointless conversation, Rukia continued on her way to her room. Climbing the steps that she had rushed down in her rush earlier that day. It would take her awhile to climb the stairs all the way to their penthouse apartment, but she didn't care. She welcomed the pain in her calfs, and mental scoffed at herself for such a thought._ Masochist. _

Halfway up the building, Rukia started crying again unexpectedly. The heaviness of the day was pressing down on her, she didn't think it could get worse even if she wanted it to.

In her rush to get out to speak with Toshiro (just thinking his name made her upset), Rukia didn't bother to grab a key. It wasn't really on her mind, but now as she stood outside the door, she didn't really want to deal with her brother or Hisana if she knocked on the door.

However, it was unavoidable, so with a heavy sigh Rukia knocked on the door, so lightly that it was almost impossible that anyone had heard it. She was still crying, but at that point she didn't care who saw her.

Even with her light tap on the door, Hisana still heard it because she soon answered, with a smile on her face, but when she saw the mess on the other side of the door, it instantly faded. "Rukia, where have you been? I was so worried when you stormed out of here," Rukia didn't respond because Hisana's concerned voice would undo the carefully placed wall hiding her emotions.

Rukia walked passed her, gave her a small yet fake smile, and continued on towards her room, "your brother will be here soon with take-out for dinner." Food was the last thing on her mind at the moment. Rukia closed the door behind her, and much like earlier that day, she collapsed right there on the floor.

Rukia felt almost incapable of any more tears, she had cried so much in the last twenty four hours that it just shouldn't be possible. Her life was unraveling at the very seems and the only thing she could do about it was cry, and it would be soon that she wouldn't even be able to do that.

It may sound a little pathetic, but Toshiro had not only been possibly the love of her life, but he was also one of her first _real _friends. And losing that made her feel like her heart was ripped out of her chest, and put through a meat grinder.

He understood her, he treated her with respect and love. He trusted her enough to not ask questions about her mysterious past and present. He had the most beautiful smile that made her smile just looking at him. She loved the amazing warm feeling that went throughout her when he was giving one hundred percent of his attention to no one but her.

He was perfect, and she was never ever going to find someone half as good as he is.

_Why didn't he say anything? _She thought, it was not only a comfort but it was torture. There was the slight possibility that he wasn't completely disgusted with her, however she knew not to indulge in such thoughts, he most likely hated her.

Rukia faintly heard the front door open and close, and her brother and Hisana exchange greetings and then silence, in which Rukia knew they were kissing. Not minutes after Byakuya walked in, a loud knock was heard on the door.

A moment later Rukia heard a familiar voice speak, "do you now understand why I've done all that I have?" It was unmistakable, while he was no longer a major part of her life, she grew up with him. It was her father.

Rukia pulled her knees into her chest and hugged herself. _Please no more. _She didn't want to hear what he had to say, but she couldn't pull herself from her position on the floor it was impossible, Rukia had no strength.

"I don't want to hear this," Byakuya responded, sounding very angry. "Because I will never be able to understand."

"Byakuya I beg you, do not let her ruin your future with scandal after scandal. I tolerated it when she was invisible but now I can't. Do you not see what your doing? You will never be able to reach your full potential with her holding you down!"

"I can't believe what I'm hearing, all you care about is business, you should be worried about her, not loosing a little of the billions you have." Byakuya says, he was obviously trying to remain calm.

"Worried? The only thing I'm worried about is you. Byakuya I don't know why you feel so obligated to take care of her, that's what the hospital was for. She's almost an adult and can't take care of herself." Soujun was all but screaming now, trying to get Byakuya to listen.

Rukia felt a sharp pain go through her at her fathers harsh however true words. Rukia would be lying if she said she had never felt more helpless, her whole life she had been helpless. Always needing someone to take care of her, always being a burden to everyone around her. Byakuya's very positive and successful future was completely altered by her very life, Rukia took a shuttering breath trying and not succeeding to remain calm.

"Take care of her? That hospital did nothing to take care of her. She tried to commit suicide in there, would that have made you happy, if she had succeeded?" Byakuya asked much more softly than he had been earlier. Rukia still heard him, and held her breath waiting for her fathers answer.

It took a while for him to respond, "I sometimes wish she would have because then she wouldn't be ruining your future and making a mess of the Kuchiki name."

"I can't believe you just said that," Byakuya said very angry. "Rukia is sick, it's not her fault."

"Stop saying that Byakuya! She is not 'sick', she's a nutcase!"

"Get out, and don't come back here!" Byakuya yelled back.

Neither men knew that on the other side of the door, Rukia was breaking down into a million pieces. She couldn't breath, couldn't think, and couldn't function. There was no longer up and down or left and right, it was all one big blur. One big mess. It was all too much.

She felt everything in the world was pressing her down and she couldn't escape, she was going to be suffocated. She wanted nothing more in that moment for the over whelming pain to go away.

It started out with her life story being aired on national television. Everyone and their mother would now know every one of her deepest and darkest secrets that she had held her whole life. She was no longer Rukia, she was now Rukia Kuchiki the girl who was put away in an insane asylum for six years. She would get stares and whispers where ever she went for the rest of her life, reporters would follow her.

Second, it was Toshiro Hitsugaya. The most wonderful thing that had ever happened to her was now gone. He would never look at her the same, he probably wanted out of her mess of a life for good. She was forced to tell him everything, she didn't get to do it her way. She still loved him with every fiber in her being and she would never get be with him again.

Then it was Byakuya. Her father was right, she was destroying him. She wasn't to stupid to know that she needed to be taken care of, she would never be truly independent. Her brother Byakuya was burdened with the task of being her babysitter for an indefinite amount of time when he wanted and needed to get on with his life. She would be pulling him down forever.

Lastly, it was her father. He absolutely hated her. He wanted her dead, or to disappear. He used to love her like a father should, but then when she became sick he wanted nothing to do with her. He made her feel worthless, how could anyone want her when her own father didn't?

Rukia felt so disgusted with herself, she felt dirty and worthless. But most of all, she felt trapped. Everything was weighing down, pushing in around her, squeezing so tight that she almost couldn't breath. She wanted to escape, but there was no way out. No more comfort of Toshiro, no more solace in peace. She couldn't stand the pain.

In her haze filled, irrational mind, Rukia could only think of one possible escape route.

She quickly stood and struggled to keep balance before rushing into the bathroom and shutting the door behind herself. Rukia's eyes scanned the room, not really fully processing. Once her gaze set on her razor, she swiftly grabbed it, threw it to the floor and stomped on it with the bottom of her hard shoe. The crunch of breaking plastic echoed throughout the small tiled room. While bending down to pick up a individual tiny blade, Rukia almost collapsed on the floor from the sheer numbness the pain brought on.

Stumbling into the shower, she plopped down on the floor, still fully clothed and examined her forearms. Not wanting to waste any more time, she mentally selected a spot, and pressed the blade down and slide it across about an inch and a half, effectively cutting herself. The effects were instantaneous.

The intense throbbing pain was more than enough to distract from a completely different kind of pain. The anxiety and tension seemed to flow out of her. Rukia looked down to the cut and was almost mesmerized by the amount of blood pouring out. She gathered the blade in the other hand and did the same on the opposite arm. This time the cut was about two inches long. She let out a hiss, she went a little too deep but it was nothing to worry about in her mind. The blood had eventually built up enough to be running down the drain at the bottom of the shower. Rukia was transfixed at the sight, and the pain. It was a complete distraction from earlier in the day.

In that moment, she was so out of it that she probably wouldn't be able to put together a proper sentence.

X

X

X

The slam of the front door made the other doors in the apartment vibrate. Soujun Kuchiki had just been kicked out of his own sons house. But that was completely okay to Byakuya, it didn't bother him one bit.

Byakuya sat down at the armchair in the living room and contemplated what had just happened. He was so angry that that man had the nerve to speak about Rukia in such terms. He spoke as if he didn't mind if she lived or died. Byakuya wished that his mother could see what a monster her husband was becoming.

"Byakuya, do you think he really meant that?" The man in question glanced at his fiancee and thought about what she was asking.

"I hope not," he said in almost a whisper. Hisana moved to sit next to him, but Byakuya instead pulled her on top of his lap. She huffed in amusement at his actions but said nothing more, and gratefully cuddled against him.

"Byakuya, she has such a hard life for a teenager. She has put up with so much, I know I wouldn't be able to handle it." Hisana said sadly, but in an afterthought added to it, "I really hope she didn't hear you two arguing."

Byakuya pulled his face away from her body, and raised an eyebrow at her statement, "she's here?"

"Oh yeah, I didn't think to tell you. She got back just before you did, she looked horrible. Like... like she just couldn't take anymore. I tried to talk to her but she ignored me, and locked herself in her room. I feel so bad for her." Hisana pulled herself from his lap because he had suddenly gone tense.

_'I wouldn't be able to handle it' _

_'she looked like she just couldn't take anymore'_

Hisana was surprised when Byakuya suddenly sprung up and rushed to Rukia's bedroom door.

He knew something was wrong, he just knew it. Byakuya's heart was pounding when he tried the door handle. Locked. He took a step back and reevaluated, all while ignoring Hisana's frequent questions. "Rukia open the door right now." No response.

_Am I worrying to much? Over-reacting? _Byakuya thought to himself, _of course not, its Rukia. _

With that thought in mind, Byakuya backed up and slammed his foot against the door, right next to the handle. It gave way immediately, the bottom two hinges completely breaking but the door hung by the top.

"Byakuya! What in the world are you doing?" Came Hisana's surprised voice, but once again Byakuya ignored her.

He recognized the emotion running throughout him as extreme worry and panic, Rukia was not in her room. He quickly moved over to the bathroom, and tried the handle. It was unlocked. When he pushed it open just a little, there was no objection from the other side.

He had no idea what he was going to find, Byakuya knew he was very afraid. It was not an emotion he was used to feeling. The only other time he had ever felt this much fear was when his mother was on the edge of life and death.

Taking a very deep breath and exhaling, Byakuya pulled himself together and pushed his way inside the room.

Stepping his way into the small room, he gaze landed in the bathtub, and he felt himself go completely cold.

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><p><strong>This chapter was hard to write, I was never happy. I ended up writing about 3 versions of the last section and this is the one I went with. Hopefully you liked it!<strong>

**Don't hate Toshiro just yet, I still have a lot planned! :) **

**I'm very excited for this next chapter, even though I already have it all maped out, i'm interested to know what you guys think will happen, so review and tell me!**

**REVIEW:)**

**as always- thanks for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello Everyone! I realize it has been a seriously long wait, but I have school, work, and applications to all do, I bearly have time to sleep! so anyway after a few days off work and a snowday, I worked non-stop to finsh this chapter! p.s. it's the longest yet, over 7,000 words... thats crazy lol. This chapter is very important, in some spots your really need to read every word, because in the next few chapters, those details mater, so don't just skim! **

**As always, Thank you for all the continued support of my reviewers and readers, you guys are a huge factor as why I'm even updating this story at all! its always motivating to see high approval of your story. It's been so long since I've updated that I haven't personally thanked my reviewers, and it will take me forever to go back and thank you all, so THANKS to everyone! I apperciate It!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.**

**Happy Reading~**

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><p>Nothing mattered. Everything was a big, unfocused blur. At least in Rukia's world it was. In the back of her mind she recognized the throbbing pain she had inflicted upon herself, but welcomed it. It didn't hurt, it took away the emotional pain. Suddenly her ears were ringing, it came out of nowhere but in her haze filled mind, she knew it was familiar.<p>

It took a few more moments for the sound to become clearer and more refined. It was as if she was sleeping and slowly waking up. The ringing was in fact a voice, and more specifically it was her brother Byakuya. "Rukia?" And then, "Rukia? Can you hear me?"

Slowly, Rukia could see again. She was seeing before but not really processing. Now that she was 'awake' she was looking into the eyes of her older brother. The emotion lit behind them was more than she had ever seen before. It was startling, he was scared and very very angry. Just then she noticed the pressure against her forearms was not entirely from her new cuts. Byakuya was firmly holding hand towels on either arm, and he had obviously been doing so for a few moments because the white cloth was slightly stained red. Following her gaze from his hands to his arms, Rukia observed that there was also a sizable amount of blood on his shirt sleeves.

"What in the hell were you thinking Rukia?" Byakuya says with a angry tremble to his voice. He may have seemed extremely mad, and he was, but Rukia could see the worry in his eyes as well and the tightening of his lips. Tears filled her violet eyes.

"I-" Rukia mouth trembled when she attempted to speak. Byakuya also noticed that she turned ghost white. Whether it was from blood loss or shock, he did not know.

Before Rukia can even try to pour words out of her mouth again, a shaken looking Hisana steps into the room, and gave her full attention to Byakuya. "They're on their way."

Suddenly as if a bright light went off in her head, Rukia began shaking all over and she regained control of her voice. Immediately she knew who Hisana was talking about. "No! I can't go back to the hospital, you know they'll send me back if they see this." Rukia yelled at her brother trying to make him understand. She began breathing harshly as if she couldn't get air fast enough. Byakuya had no response to her words, and judging by his silence, Rukia knew his decision.

Rukia roughly tore her arms out of her brothers tight hold, which ruined the newly clotted blood, and it began to spill out of her cuts once more. Byakuya tried to reach for her arms again, but she backed far away from him into the corner of the shower. "Byakuya you can't let them take me back. You can't. You promised I would never go back again. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't." Rukia puts her head in her hands and cried into her knees.

"Rukia, calm down. They are just going to take you to the normal hospital, not Karakura." This did nothing to sooth the sobbing girl, Byakuya's assertive tone did nothing to reassure her either.

Rukia raised her head from her knees to stare into his eyes. Byakuya instantly noticed that this Rukia in front of him was not the normal, sweet naive Rukia he was fond of, but the schizophrenic, bipolar, seriously sick girl that she was deep inside.

"If they send me back to Karakura, I promise I'll kill myself. I swear it." Rukia proclaimed with fierce determination, in a harsh whisper. Then, she once again returned her head to her hands and knees, where she cried some more.

Hisana, who had previously been standing on the side, immediately intervened at these words. She rapidly spoke to Byakuya hoping he would hear her before he had even a second to process what Rukia had said. "She didn't mean it Byakuya. Look at her, she is having a sort of breakdown, she only said it to keep herself from going back to Karakura."

Byakuya held his breath at these words. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to yell and scream at her, but Hisana was right. Rukia isn't in her right state of mind, she didn't mean it. She didn't mean it. Byakuya repeated these words in his head a few more times, trying to convince himself that it was the truth.

She didn't mean it.

"You can't let them take me back." Rukia weakly says from her position in the shower. Byakuya has no response to her words, only silence. She was losing a lot of blood and it was beginning to show. However, Byakuya didn't know if he could get his arms to force her into letting him hold her cuts with a towel. His body felt like pudding, as if Rukia's words had been a hammer and knocked him back, and he didn't know how to respond.

Just then, a knock was heard at the door, if you had good ears you could even hear sirens in the background. Hisana quickly takes action and grabs hold of her fiancee's arm and pushes him out the door with unfamiliar strength. He doesn't even protest.

Hisana settles down next to the girl, "...Rukia?" Not only does she not respond, she turns further away from her. Hisana could feel the onset of her own tears, what was she suppose to do? Luckily she didn't have to try and decide, because two big men walk through the door, they were wearing uniforms that clearly showed they were paramedics.

"Holy..," one mutters to the other, before bending down and gently prying Rukia's face to look towards him. He shined a bright light into her eyes, moving back and forth between both. "Sweetheart, can you hear me?"

Rukia was being very unresponsive. The two paramedics shared a look that Hisana didn't see, clearly they were relaying silent messages that only partners of a long time could do.

The one that had not yet spoken, pulled some bandages out of his bag and also leaned down and began wrapping up her cuts. Rukia didn't protest at all."This is only temporary. The cuts haven't clotted up very well, so she's lost a lot of blood. We need to take her to get a transfusion, She's obviously delirious from blood loss." He spoke to Hisana seeing as Rukia wasn't going to respond.

Hisana didn't know how to say this, she wished Byakuya was here to do it, he would know what to do. Where was he anyway? "Actually, she's umm... she's mentally ill...so maybe that's why she's acting like this. Rukia was talking fine a few minutes ago."

The man smiled warmly, clearly understanding that she was having a hard time trying to explain, "Don't worry mam, we've already been informed. Your right, that could be it too, but judging by the amount of blood in the shower, she's lost an almost unsafe amount already."

Without further waste of time, the other man softly spoke to Rukia, "Sweetheart, I'm going to pick you up now. I'm going to carry you to the gurney." Without waiting for any kind of response, the man picked her up seemingly without an ounce of effort, and walked her out of the room. The other paramedic followed closely behind, with their bag of supplies.

When Hisana stepped into the main room, her eyes immediately darted back and forth searching for a brooding figure known as Byakuya. When her sight fell on him, she mentally wanted to scream. He looked calm and cool on the outside, but his body language told her all she needed to know. He had his knuckles clenched so hard that they were bleach white, his jaw was also firmly squeezed shut. Byakuya was very upset with what Rukia had said. His eyes betrayed nothing as he watched Rukia being strapped into the gurney. She was now passed out, from blood loss or shock, it was hard to tell.

Byakuya silently straightened from his position on the wall and followed behind the paramedics carting his sister out the door, just before he stepped out, he made sure to grab his keys to not only his car, but the apartment. Hisana sighed, this was going to be a very long night. She followed behind her fiancee, not forgetting to lock the door behind her.

Once the excruciatingly slow elevator made it to ground floor, it was all but a sprint to the ambulance that was lit up, and sitting right out front. Many people were gathered around, curious as to what was going on. As soon as they saw who was on the gurney, a collective movement and everyone had their phones out. Some were texting rapidly, while others were calling up people, there were even a few picture takers. Hisana was immediately disgusted with every single one of them. It seemed Byakuya was thinking the same, because he gave out one of the harshest glares she had ever seen him give. Rukia was laying still with her eyes closed, Hisana couldn't tell if she was pretending or if she was really unconscious.

The two of them finally push past enough people to reach his BMW, and he grasps the keys from out of his pocket and drops them on the ground. Hisana reaches them first, and when returns to her vertical position, she notices something she hadn't before. Byakuya was _almost_ shaking. She smartly knows not to comment on it, and steps around him to the driver side, "get in, I'll drive." And he does so without protest.

* * *

><p><em>How had this happened? <em>Toshiro thought as he stared blankly at the ceiling. He had been looking at the same stain on the ceiling for the past two hours since Rukia had left in tears. One minute everything was fine, more than fine actually, it was amazing. He was very positive that he could spend the rest of his life with that girl. And then she drops a completely unexpected bombshell that changes everything. She wasn't the same girl anymore.

Or was she?

Toshiro had always known she was hiding something, but this was_ huge. _He didn't really know much about disorders and mental illness (in the back of his mind, he was regretting not taking psychology class very seriously) but he knew enough to have a basic idea of what schizophrenia and bipolar disorder were. She was mentally ill and had even been put away for it. They were serious. They changed everything. But did they change Rukia? Did they change the fact that she was the sweetest girl he had ever met? Did they change her innocent nature that he adored?

He didn't have the answers to any of the questions he was asking.

Then she goes and drops a nuclear bomb by admitting her love for him. Did he love her? More importantly, does he love her? Toshiro was having an incredibly tough time with this question.

Before he could even begin to think about that matter, his cell phone went off for the hundredth time. Toshiro sighed and pressed ignore. It was Ichigo. Again. He had counted, in the time between Rukia's confession and that moment, he had received thirty one phone calls, from various people. Mostly Ichigo, Hinamori, and Matsumoto. But Toshiro certainly didn't want to talk to anyone.

Not even Rukia. He realized with a start that he was mad at her.

Why had she not told him from the beginning? It was kind of a big deal, and then out of no where she just tells him everything. Plus the fact that she was a Kuchiki! Probably one of the richest families in the whole world. Their entire relationship was practically a lie, he hadn't known the _real_ Rukia. Just the one she pretended to be. She had even been in a fucking asylum for six whole years, and didn't think to mention a word of it to him.

How could she do that to him? How could she pretend to be someone she wasn't? But was she? Wasn't she still the same person? Toshiro wished more than anything that he had the answers to all his questions. He was suddenly very frustrated with not only Rukia, but with himself.

Then his phone rang for the thirty second time, and he turned into his pillow and it tested everything inside of him not to throw the horrible thing across the room into the wall, shattering it into pieces.

X

X

X

Byakuya sighed through his nose as he watched his little sister sleep in the hospital bed. When they had first arrived, there were paparazzi everywhere outside the ambulance entrance. He recognized the names of all the big television and newspapers. Luckily, There were a few policemen trying to force them out. When he and Hisana finally got out of the car to follow the gurney that was rapidly being pushed into the hospital, it was a frenzy. It reminded Byakuya of multiple sharks going after one small, weak fish. They were flashing their camera's and trying to ask the paramedics questions. Thankfully, they both ignored the media.

When they got sight of the engaged couple making their way to the entrance, the flocked over as fast as they could. "Kuchiki! What happened?!"

"Are you talking to Rukia?"

"Did you know she was out of the mental hospital?"

"Did she come and find you?"

"What is your relationship with your sister?"

"Did she try and hurt you again."

Just like the paramedics had, Byakuya promptly ignored them and their questions.

And now a few hours later, Byakuya stood in Rukia's room, trying to understand why she did what she did. She was being kept unconscious, the doctor thought it would be good to keep her sedated for a while, let her body rest. He didn't disagree, his little sister had been through a lot in the span of a day. Once they arrived, she was given a transfusion and a few stitches. For now both her arms were wrapped tight in thick bandages and she was restrained to the bed. The doctors tried to be helpful when they explained to him that it was only to keep her safe from herself. It had not made him feel better at all. Worse actually.

_I can't believe she said that, _Byakuya thought to himself. He was deeply ashamed of how he had reacted to the whole situation. There was no telling how she was going to respond to him when she woke up, if the way she did after it happened was any indicator then it wasn't going to be good. Hopefully she would forget everything that transpired in the past few hours.

Byakuya swept his hands through his hair, refusing himself the urge to sit at the side of Rukia's bed. He had not protected her at all. He should have known she wouldn't have been able to handle all that stress at once. Instead of arguing with their father, he should have been looking for Rukia to talk to her.

Byakuya looked down to his hands and stared. Not even three hours ago they had been covered in Rukia's blood. Once he had first seen her with blood soaked arms, he had immediately panicked. Was she trying to kill herself? It didn't seem like it, but that thought had a way of worming itself in his mind, and now he couldn't get it out. What if he had walked into the bathroom and she had been dead? What then? Was she trying to commit suicide?

Byakuya was never a very emotional person, but the thought that what had happened had been another suicide attempt made him grasp the corner of his eyes to make the stinging go away.

Byakuya's depressing thoughts and the sensation of almost tears were interrupted when he heard a hesitant knock at the door. Dr. Isshin Kurosaki entered the room without being given direction to. He had shown up at the hospital as soon as he had gotten word of what had happened. Isshin spoke to Rukia before they put her on sedatives and after they thought she was well enough to.

This is this the first time Isshin had seen Byakuya, "you look like hell," he said without a smile. It was true Byakuya looked horrible, he had deep stress marks under his eyes, and looked like he had not slept in days.

"It has not been the best day." He said quietly, however not weakly. Byakuya would always be strong in front of others. "I sent Hisana home for a while, in case you were wondering."

"Ahh, I was wondering. Byakuya maybe you should sit down? You look exhausted." Isshin politely asked.

"I'm fine. Did you get to talk to her?" Byakuya responded, pointing more with his eyes than anything else. Isshin turned his attention to the sleeping girl. There was no way to be nice about it, Rukia looked like a train had hit her. She was very pale and had a fragile appearance.

"I did. Was had a short conversation before she was sedated." Byakuya answered his cryptic response with a raised eyebrow of his own.

"So, does she uh," it was very unlike Byakuya to hesitate or stutter in a sentence. Isshin had never seen it before and he probably never would again. "Did she want to die?" He had just come out and said it, not really sure on how you were suppose to ask a question of that magnitude.

"Well, you see, when I got the room she was just waking up..."

_Rukia was paying Isshin no attention. "You do realize that when you ignore me, I take it as a bad sign, right?" She glanced at him and sighed, he had an every present smile on his face._

"_Why are you here?" Some response was better than nothing, even when it was quiet and the Rukia tried to look anywhere but at Isshin. She looked as if she would have loved to turn from his searching eyes, but she was stuck to one position thanks to her nifty restraints. _

"_You know why I'm here." He tried to say soothingly, it didn't seem to work. His calm presence seemed to break Rukia's tough front. _

"_I was doing so good," Rukia began to cry, "it's all that I could think that would take away the pain. I just wanted it to stop hurting." She was now sobbing._

"_I know. You just have to work even harder next time." Isshin says comfortingly. "Rukia, a lot happened to you today, your life was just flipped upside down, I'm not happy about what you did, but I do understand. If you keep working on it, next time something like this happens, you won't even think to cut." He said reassuringly. _

"_Are you so sure?" Rukia asked quietly. _

"_Positive. Everyone can get better, so can you."_

_At this point Rukia had stopped crying and was giving Isshin a glimpse of a fake smile. Which even though it was insincere, it was a good sign. "Rukia, answer me this." Isshin paused almost hesitantly. "Were you trying to kill yourself? Be honest with me, I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to." Rukia got a hardened look on her face when she finally responded. _

"_I hadn't even thought of it at the time." Isshin gave a bright smile, "but... I'm not afraid to die. What's the point of living if you don't really have anything to live for?"_

"_Rukia, you have so much to live for its ridiculous. You have a loving brother and almost sister-in-law, the chance to go to college, and a serious boyfriend. Some people have less and are twice as happy as you." Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes._

"_I'm not so sure about Toshiro, I think he's done with me for good. He probably never wants to see me again." Rukia was starting to cry again, seeing as she was unable to do so herself, Isshin grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes. Rukia's cheeks burned red in embarrassment._

"_Even if he doesn't, they will always be someone who wants you in their live. More than one actual. And that should be enough to make you see how precious you life really is Rukia." He smartly responds, offering her no promises of Toshiro's feelings. He had no idea of how the boy was reacting, but he didn't want to get Rukia's hopes up only to be led to disappointment. _

"_I do. But you don't understand Dr. Kurosaki, I _can't _go back. I just can't. It would kill me, I wouldn't even have to do anything." _

"_Rukia, don't talk like that, someone might actually take you seriously. And I can't tell you much, but I will say you dug yourself a deep hole that I'm trying to get you out of with the doctors. They think that you should be put back in Karakura, I think I may have convinced a few that it would be dangerous to your health." _

_Isshin noticed that Rukia gave no reaction to his news of her placement at Karakura, it was like she didn't even hear him. "I did something bad... worse than actually cutting myself." Rukia whispered, averting her eyes from Isshin. _

"_What's that?" _

"_I don't know what came over me, it was like I was having some kind of anxiety attack. I told – no swore to Byakuya that if I went back to Karakura, that I would kill myself." Rukia still did not look up at Isshin, choosing not to see his response._

"_Rukia-" he was interrupted before he could really speak._

"_Will you tell him I didn't mean it?"_

_Isshin thought about this for a few moments, contemplating on what to do about this turn of events. Knowing Byakuya for many years, Isshin knew that his sister saying this to him was probably eating him alive. "Maybe, if I didn't think you meant it." _

_Rukia's eyes widened, "Dr. Kurosaki..."_

"_Rukia, I cannot promise your brother anything about your safety when I don't even know. I don't think even you know, you said you weren't trying to kill yourself, but your cuts were so deep, you needed stitches. So no, I don't know if I can believe you when you say that you didn't mean it. You need to stop lying to me Rukia. I already told Byakuya once that you were in no danger of cutting yourself, and now look at you." _

"_But, but-" Rukia looked frantic._

"_I only want whats best for you so I can only tell your brother the truth. I'm sorry Rukia." _

As Isshin finishes his story, he tries to ignore the obvious signs that Byakuya is upset with this knowledge.

"Do you think her doctors are going to have her back in Karakura?" Byakuya asks with no real emotion to his face or voice.

"I'm not sure, I've practically begged them not to. There is only so much that I can do, I'm just her therapist. I tried to explain to them that she would be a danger to herself if she was returned, but they don't see it like we do Byakuya. They don't understand that she is more safe in the real world, then she is at Karakura." Isshin exhales a heavy breath and tries to think of a way to put Byakuya's mind at ease. "I will appeal to them to tomorrow, from what I understand, her three doctors are meeting to discuss it. I will try my hardest to be there."

"Good." Was all the younger man needed to say about the matter. Isshin noticed his faraway look as he glanced at his sister. He was obviously thinking about something.

"What is it?"

"How could she do this? Rukia is very smart, she knew what could happen if she cut herself again." Byakuya was honestly confused, he simply didn't understand how Rukia could cut herself when she knew the implications all along.

"It's like..." Isshin was struggling to find a way to explain to him, "It's like she is a drug addict." After hearing this, Byakuya straightened in his seat and practically glared at Isshin for the comparison. "I mean no offense, that is just the best way to describe Rukia. Many people with an addiction have a hard time controlling themselves, no matter the consequences."

"Are you implying that my sister is addicted to harming herself?"

"No not at all. I'm saying it's like that. Her mental illness, causes her to see only the present, in the back of her mind, she knew what could happen from cutting herself but she couldn't control the urge. Just like many addicts can't control the urge to do drugs." The anger steadily loosened from Byakuya's face. "A drug addict can learn to refuse drugs, just like Rukia can learn to ignore cutting, but it will take healing and time."

Nothing else was said between the two, as there was no need for it. Byakuya had a certain amount of trust within Isshin Kurosaki. He knew that Isshin cared for Rukia and would protect her. Rukia had a deep attachment to Isshin, so for now Byakuya chose to accept what the man was telling him.

XXX

_This is ridiculous, can I not just sit here without getting completely stared down by every person that walks by?" _Toshiro sent what felt like the millionth glare. At the moment he was seated in the lounge for his dorm. As soon as he had walked out of his room this morning, it was as if people's eyes were magnetically drawn to his body. Apparently everyone in the universe knew something that he didn't. It was beginning to tax on his every last nerve.

Toshiro tried to ignore what his head was telling him, but he had no doubt that it had to do with Rukia and her sudden deceleration of the truth. Toshiro sighed once more before he noticed a certain red head approaching him. "Hitsugaya! I have been looking everywhere for you!" She looked extremely pleased to have found him.

Toshiro awards her with a less than sincere smile, "What is it Matsumoto?" Her face brightened to about the color of her hair.

"Have you talked to Rukia?" Toshiro's relaxed body immediately straightened on the couch. He was surprised that this was about Rukia. How had she known?

"What do you know Matsumoto?"

"I know that there has to be a reason that your out here sulking. So spill." Matsumoto was encouraging his response with a gentle smile.

"She came to see me and told me everything that I thought I knew about her was a lie." Toshiro sounded very bitter to Rangiku.

"What was that?" She pried deep as she could.

Maybe it was because Matsumoto was a good friend, or maybe it was because he was dying to talk to someone about it, either way Toshiro decided to tell her, "she told me she has schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and that she was in Karakura Mental for the last six years." Toshiro sighed before adding, "Then she told me she loved me and ran out, I haven't seen her since." He decided to leave her suicide attempt out of the conversation. As mad as he was at Rukia, he felt it was a little to personal to be telling anyone.

"I don't understand. You said she lied?" Rangiku exclaimed, when in reality she knew a lot more than what she was leading him to believe.

"How do you not understand? I have been dating her for months and this is the first time she tells me any of this! It's kind of a big deal, not only that but she's a Kuchiki, one of the richest fucking families in the world. She lied to me from the beginning, Rukia is completely different person than I thought she was." Toshiro was definitely angry, he was practically steaming.

"Is she? Is she really different now that you know why she acts the way that she does?"

He hadn't thought of it that way. Rukia was definitely different from any girl that Toshiro had ever met, he knew that from the beginning. He accepted that Rukia was not like anyone he had ever met, he cherished it in fact. He loved that she was _almost _in college and was still a virgin, he loved that way she had no idea how insanely gorgeous she was, and how she blushed when he reminded her. He loved how she was the perfect height and for him. Every kiss and hug seemed to be perfect, even their hands fit perfectly together. He loved the way she didn't care about his past demons, (Toshiro now knew this was because she had her own far worse nightmares).

Is it really that simple though? Rukia was the same person now he just knew why she was the way she was. No it wasn't. When Toshiro thought of Rukia, an instant hurt washed over his heart. She lied to him.

"She can't take back that she lied to me Matsumoto." Toshiro said with false finality. He wanted this conversation to be over, he didn't like sharing his feelings. "She should have told me from the beginning."

Rangiku let out a exasperated sigh at hearing this, she was becoming frustrated with Toshiro's lack of understanding what she was saying, "does it even matter that she didn't tell you. Wake up Toshiro, she is still the same person you were dating, be honest with yourself Toshiro, would you have given her a second look if you knew every unfortunate thing about her? She didn't chose the life she was given. Rukia Kuchiki with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder loves you just as much as Rukia does." Rangiku gave a dramatic pause, seeing as what she was saying was finally reaching Toshiro, he slumped over and a look of deep concentration crossed his face. "Shouldn't her feelings for you be enough to look past this?"

Would he have given Rukia the time of day if he knew the truth from the beginning? Toshiro would like to say yes, but if he was being honest with himself then no. Matsumoto's right. Rukia loved him just as much as Rukia Kuchiki did, she is still the same person. Her violet eyes that seemed to be as deep as the ocean didn't change, her extremely kind nature didn't change. Her innocence didn't change. And most importantly, her love for him did not change.

Toshiro was rudely interrupted from his thoughts when a friend from the soccer team stopped to speak with him. "Hey man, I saw the news, really dodged a bullet on that girl huh?" Toshiro could feel his heart rate increase as his anger multiplied. His relationship with Rukia was of no concern to anyone but him and Rukia. How dare he speak of Rukia like that? Seeing Toshiro's glare, the other boy decided it would be a good idea to walk away.

This got Toshiro thinking, that's how everyone knew something was going on with him and Rukia. It was on the news. Matsumoto didn't even seem surprised when he told her about Rukia. Almost as soon as he reached for the remote, Rangiku stopped him. "Toshiro, I don't know if that's a good idea." Deciding to ignore Matsumoto, Toshiro turned on the TV.

As soon as the television came to life, they were welcomed with the sight of a certain blonde reporter standing outside of the hospital. KUCHIKI SCANDLE was big in red across the bottom of the screen.

"_As you know, the discover of Soujun Kuchiki's child, Rukia Kuchiki came of great surprise to the entire city. At approximately eight thirty last night, Rukia Kuchiki was transported by ambulance from her older brother's five star apartment building located just outside of KU. A source at the complex confirmed that she has been staying in the building for months now. We have just received word from an anonymous tip inside the hospital that Rukia Kuchiki may have attempted to take her life last night. Our source tells us that she severely cut her wrists and was in need of a blood transfusion. Unfortunately at this time we don't know her condition. You may remember, we reported that Rukia had indeed attempted suicide when she was fourteen by cutting her wrists. This is clearly an unstable girl and we hope for the best for the Kuchiki family in this rough time. We will be back in a few minutes after these commercials." _

As soon as a commercial about dog food flipped on replacing the blonde reporter, Toshiro practically jumped from his seat and rushed to the exit of the building. "Hitsugaya! Where are you going?" Matsumoto calls after him, quickly following after his retreating form.

"Where do you think?" Toshiro says without an ounce of anger in his voice. He's not angry with Rukia anymore. That pent up rage seemed to disappear when he learned that something was wrong with Rukia. She could be dying right now, and he was wasting his time being mad at her. How could she do this to him? First she tells him she loves him, then she attempts to commit suicide? How could she. The thought of Rukia dying sent his body into a deep unbearable ache. In the back of his mind he heard Matsumoto calling for him to stop.

"What?!" He uncharacteristically yelled behind him before coming to a hault.

Rangiku finally caught up to him, "Jesus your so fast." She doubled over with her hands on her knees breathing roughly. "Your not thinking clearly, do you really think your going to be able to get in to see Rukia? They probably have security crawling around her. Don't forget what family she belongs to."

At hearing this Toshiro let out a deep frustrated sigh, she was right. There was no way anyone was going to let him see her.

But he had to try.

"I'll talk to her brother, he's met me before, maybe he'll let me in." Toshiro says with determination laced in his words.

Rangiku's eyebrows shoot up, "Holy crap! you've met Byakuya Kuchiki! He is SOOO hot. You have to introduce me!"

He rolled his eyes and continued on his fast paced journey to his car. There had to be something he could do to be able to see Rukia.

XXX

"Byakuya?" Said man tiredly looked up from his fixed stare at the wall and noticed Hisana headed towards him with a steaming cup of coffee. He hadn't seen her since one in the morning, when he sent her home to get some rest. It was now about eleven, and Byakuya had not been blessed with a single ounce of sleep. "You look exhausted, why don't you go home for a few hours and get some sleep?"

"I'm fine, Kurosaki is suppose to meet me soon to tell me whats going to happen to Rukia." A look of understanding crossed Hisana's face, and a glimpse of worry as well.

"How is she doing?"

"She is still sleeping, she is not suppose to wake up for another few hours." Hisana nodded and handed him his coffee, "thank you," just how he liked it, black with one sugar. In response Hisana gave him a peck on the cheek.

She looked around the bleak waiting room, seeing as Byakuya was in no mood to speak. The room itself was relatively small, it held a few large chairs and the walls were decorated with outdated wallpaper, overall the place felt a little suffocating.

The next fifteen minutes go by and Hisana wonders how Byakuya could handle this. The monotone silence was broken every once in a while by a cough, or heels clicking on the floor. "Byakuya? Are you worried about what's going to happen?" Of course she was referring to Rukia.

"Yes." That's all she could get from him. Over the span of being with her Fiance, Hisana began to learn to read him. She prided herself on being somewhat of an expert. His silence and tensed body told her that he was in fact very worried about what was going to happen.

Another half an hour passes and she is becoming restless, on more than one occasion she stands and paces. Under request from Byakuya, she made frequent coffee trips, she felt he was doing it more for her than himself. He was trying to give her something to do. After returning with his fourth cup of coffee, Hisana was met with a nerve-wrecking sight. Isshin was sitting down, talking with Byakuya. From her distance she couldn't hear anything or even read their lips. She didn't want to disturb anything by approaching so she stood watching.

Her heart fluttered when she noticed Byakuya's clenched fist and Isshin's apologetic body language.

This cannot be good.

XXX

Even with her eyelids closed Rukia could see the horribly intense light and it was already giving her a headache. Slowly, she opened her eyes, and fought the urge to close them back. She winced, and couldn't really see anything, it was much too blurry. After a few minutes, which felt like hours to her, the fuzziness went away and she could see again.

With a start Rukia realized something, she was not restrained to the bed. She was so emotionally exhausted that she couldn't work up the energy to care. So much had happened in the last day that she could not comprehend. The news, her father, and then of course Toshiro. Her heart ached at the thought. If her eyes were not completely empty of tears, she knew she would be crying. How had her life turned so upside down in the matter of hours? Nothing would ever be the same again.

Then there was what happened last night. She lost control and cut herself, and now look where she was. In a hospital room, alone. She wouldn't be surprised if even Byakuya didn't want to come see her. Rukia was mortified at what her brother had witnessed from her. He had seen her at her lowest point, and then she knocked it even lower with the things she had said to him. _How could I have done that? I told him I would kill myself. _Rukia was petrified at the consequences for her actions. _He hates me. He's going to send me back. No no no no no, I won't be able to handle it. Please don't send me back. _Rukia could feel herself beginning to panic so she tried to not think about it anymore. She tried to calm down. Surprisingly it worked.

After a few more minutes of deep relaxing breathes, Rukia decided it would be a good idea to call for a nurse, to inform them she was in fact awake. She sighed and looked around the room for the call button. When she located it on her bed, something else caught her eye.

It was flowers. Not just any flowers, but beautiful red roses.

Holding her breath, Rukia reached for the white card slipped inside. She was just able to reach. With shaking hands, she carefully pulled the seal of the envelope. Rukia continued to hold her breath as she read.

_Rukia, _

_I tried extremely hard to visit you. Unfortunately, your bodyguard would not allow me in your room. I hope you are doing well, and you are safe. I wanted to let you know that I have not forgiven you for your lie's nor your actions yesterday. However, Your life is precious and you mean so much to not only your family, but to me as well. I will try everyday to visit._

_love, _

_Toshiro_

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it! let me know, REVIEW! <strong>

**This Chapter is important for many reasons, I consider this chapter to be the turning point of this story. Rukia will be changed after this. Her relationship with Toshiro is going to be... interesting to write. I can't give anything away but if you need and clues, just re-read his note! A new character will be introduced in the next chapter, I've given some hints, but she will play a pretty big role! i'm super excited for it! **

**Also, I know my characte's are OOC, but I don't really care, this is my story, I'll do it how I want.**

**THANKS TO EVERYONE! ESPECIALLY REVIEWERS! ~**


	13. Chapter 13

**I've missed this story- only a couple chapters left. Sorry for the long time in between updates. **

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><p>He signed it love. Not sincerely. Love.<p>

Love is a very strong word and when Rukia told Toshiro she loved him, she meant it. But she wondered, did he sign that as a formality, or maybe out of a guilty conscious because of her admission? Or was it genuine feeling? She didn't give her brain the time to doubt, she allowed herself to enjoy the possibility that he felt about her the way she did him. For the first time in over twenty-four hours she did something that just a few hours ago, she thought would be impossible.

She smiled.

But what about the rest of his note? He said he had not forgiven her, did that mean he was mad? Rukia sighed, she figured he had the right to be upset with her. She was just happy he was willing to speak with her.

Rukia then notices a subtle knock on the door, and calls out a quiet, "come in." A woman with short dark hair comes through the threshold and closes the door behind her. Rukia immediately recognizes her as the woman who helped her outside the apartment building.

"I saw you were awake Mrs. Kuchiki, and I thought I would introduce myself. My name is Soi Fon, and I will be your bodyguard from now on." Although Rukia was not shocked to see her there she was a little startled by her cold tone. Rukia nodded, "I will do everything in my power to keep you safe." Now that she was going to be in the spotlight from now on, it was no surprise that she was going to be assigned a bodyguard. Even Byakuya has one-of course, Byakuya refused to be accompanied by him besides at Kuchiki events.

"Thank you for, well, back then," the older women seemed to know what she meant, and nodded. "Please call me Rukia. So, if you don't mind me asking, why are you here?" Rukia asks a little skeptically.

Soi Fon seemed slightly hesitant to respond, "your father assigned me to you, and I've been with your family for a while." Rukia looked away from her at hearing this. Desperate to keep the conversation going Rukia continued to ask questions to the quiet woman.

"Did you know I existed?"

"Not until a few months ago, I was your fathers personal bodyguard and I was with him when you were here." Soi Fon was going along with Rukia's curiosity. "He assigned me to you." Rukia's eyebrows rose at that, but she didn't comment. She didn't know how to feel, was she suppose to be happy? It was hard to shake his words from a few short nights ago.

"How old are you?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Soi Fon asks softly, the hard look had not left her eyes.

"Nothing I guess, it's just nice to talk to someone." Rukia responds just as softly, a light feeling flowing through her, Tohsiro's note put her in a positive mood.

"They said you were detached and would ignore me, I was not expecting twenty questions." Soi Fon responds with a slight quirk to her lips that almost resembled a smile. Rukia thought she seemed amused by her behavior.

"They say you shouldn't believe everything you hear." Rukia flashed Soi Fon an award winning smile at that. She couldn't explain her good mood, but she was feeling as though nothing could bring her down.

"Ah, I have heard that."

Their conversation was ceased by a quick knock, then entrance of Byakuya. Rukia immediately looked away from him, and without a word but a nod of the head, Soi Fon slipped out the door and closed it behind her.

There was tense silence for a few moments until, "Rukia, please do not act like I'm not here."

Rukia turned to look at him but did not speak. Byakuya remained standing by the doorway, and he kept his eyes trained on her. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Came her automatic response, she was on edge with him in the room. A moment ago Rukia was feeling great and was even smiling, now the weight of the situation caught up with her. She cut her wrists, her brother found her, she told him she would kill herself and now she was embarrassed. Extremely embarrassed and ashamed. Rukia realized that she regretted more what she said than what she did.

Rukia didn't know how to apologize to him. Where would she even start? No one should have to live what she does besides herself. "You were smiling when I came in here," he points out.

"I like Soi Fon, she is nice." Byakuya raised his eyebrows slightly at that but does not respond.

For a long time they sit in silence, Byakuya sits and stares blankly at the wall, knowing that she is trying at gather her courage to talk about what happened. He waits even longer and it's okay because he is patient. He can see her thinking to herself.

And then finally, "Byakuya… I'm sorry you had to see that." Rukia whispers, without looking at him.

"Not as sorry as I am." Byakuya says tensely, "God, Rukia, what were you thinking?"

"I… I don't know."

"You don't know? When I walked into that bathroom, I thought you were dead!" Byakuya all but yells, "If I wouldn't have shown up when I did, you would be dead!"

Rukia fires back, "That's not true! I would have been fine!"

"Rukia you needed stitches, what makes you so sure?"

Rukia remains quiet at hearing this. "Don't ever scare me like that again Rukia." Byakuya says harshly, "I mean it."

Rukia released a single tear when he said this, "I'll try not to." She knew she couldn't promise him anything; she was prone to making mistakes. "I am sorry."

"I know you are, you always are." It seemed as if Byakuya was done yelling.

Another few moments go by in silence, Byakuya took a seat finally and Rukia sat staring at the wall.

"Where's Hisana?" Rukia asks eventually.

"She is in class, you'll see her later." Rukia noticed that Byakuya continuously checked his watch, as if he was expecting something. He sighed impatiently until suddenly a short knock was heard at the door.

Without waiting for an answer, Isshin Kurosaki entered the room, and like everyone before, closed the door behind him. Rukia was surprised to see him there, as she was expecting he had gone home. However, he looked extremely exhausted with deep bags under his eyes. "Rukia, I'm glad to see you're awake. Has your nurse come by with your medications?"

Rukia let out a deep sigh, "Not yet, I really don't want to take any more tranquilizers, I think I've slept enough."

Isshin tried to choke back a chuckle, "You've always been so smart Rukia. You're in luck, I think your done with the tranquilizers for now. She should just be giving you your normal medications."

"How long have I been here anyway?" Rukia projects the question to both older men in the room.

"You've been here two days." Byakuya responds first.

The happy quirk in his eyes disappeared, as he hunched forward in a much more serious position. "Rukia, there is something your brother and I need to tell you."

Rukia's breath hitched, as it dawned on her what her therapist was doing there. Her heart started beating uncontrollably as she waited for news that could possibly destroy her.

"Calm down, your working yourself up Rukia. It's not as bad as it could have been, actually I would be thankful if I were you."

Rukia sat in silence as she waited for the inevitable. She noticed Byakuya and Isshin sharing a look, before her psychiatrist spoke, "your doctors think it would be best to have you watched for the next seventy-two hours. They want to make sure that this was a one time thing, and not something that has been going on since your release months ago. They also would like to make sure this is not ongoing." A heavy silence filled the room at that.

Rukia remained quiet and looked away from both of the men. She did not cry, but looked frustrated. "I tried everything I could, they wanted you back in Karakura for two weeks, I would say three days is much better, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, I understand, I'm just not happy." Rukia says while looking at the floor.

Byakuya speaks for the first time in minutes, "you have nothing to worry about, just do what they ask and you'll be back home in three days." Rukia nodded, Byakuya was a bit surprised at her rather tame reaction. He was expecting tears. This was very unlike her, Rukia seemed to have a few distinct moods, and this was not something either man was used to seeing.

However, all that was running through Byakuya's mind was how he couldn't seem to forget her words three nights ago,_ "If they send me back to Karakura, I promise I'll kill myself. I swear it." _Her words echoed through his head, and he couldn't stop the worry that he felt.

Just then a nurse entered the room, "I'm sorry gentlemen, but you must leave visiting hours for Mrs. Kuchiki are over." The woman says apologetically.

"Of course, Rukia, we'll see you tomorrow morning before transport." Isshin exits the room without another word. Byakuya comes closer to the bed, and the nurse respectfully gives them a minute of privacy.

Byakuya is quiet for a few moments, "Rukia, three days will go by faster then you know it." Byakuya wondered if he was trying to convince himself or her.

"I know," is all she says as she gives him a fake smile, she was doing a poor job of showing she would be okay.

Byakuya lets out a long sigh, "please don't do anything that would keep you there longer." With that, the older Kuchiki sibling walks out of the room, past the nurse.

Once the nurse was in the room again, she closed the door and approached Rukia. "Alright, sorry sweetie but you remember how strict visiting hours are for people like you?" Rukia's eyebrow twitched at that, 'people like her'?

"Yes, I remember," She says blandly.

"Okay, now lets take those bandages off." The woman began unwrapping the white gauze around her left arm, once she was finished she moved to the right. Once she was finished, she came back with a cup of a few pills. "Just take these and I'll be back in a while with some lunch," and with that the woman was gone as quickly as she came.

Rukia sighed and slowly turned her arms over to look at them. Red jagged lines stared back at her, with a few stitches each. Her old scars were shadowed by her new cuts. She knew that these would scar worse than the others, besides one outlining deep scar on her left arm. It was the lone reminder of when she was fourteen.

Rukia began absentmindedly tracing her new scars with her finger. It stung slightly but she almost welcomed the pain, it was soothing. She suddenly stopped when she realized she could be being watched. That certainly wouldn't have looked good for her.

She didn't know what to think about going back to Karakura Hospital. She was upset, but not in the way she thought she would. A sick feeling wormed into the pit of her stomach; she was going back to the place where she had no control. A place that she hated more than anything on the entire planet.

_It's only three days_, she kept reminding herself in her head. Three days is not too long, she could manage.

Once again looking at her scars, she realized she would have a hard time hiding them, before she was lucky; her scars blended into her pale skin besides the one on her left arm. Now, she has scars that will be almost impossible to conceal. Rukia wondered what it was going to be like going back home. Would people stare? Would there be reporters following her everywhere? Would they see her cuts?

Rukia quickly began feeling overwhelmed.

XXX

Toshiro was feeling overwhelmed. He was working at the library on campus like he usually does on a weekday, but today it just seemed to drag by, minutes felt like hours. Mainly because people wouldn't leave him alone. If one more person came up to him and asked him if he knew "The Kuchiki girl," then he might just scream. Even if they weren't talking to him, they were staring.

Even the soccer team was giving him a hard time, it was a little ridiculous. They were not as judgmental as the random students on campus, but they still didn't understand. They didn't understand how he could have been dating Rukia for months and basically didn't know a thing about her. He was a little offended, he rationalized that he knew plenty about Rukia.

There was still no success visiting Rukia. Her bodyguard was not letting anyone in that was unnecessary, she said she was only following orders, but Toshiro was understandably frustrated, it was hard standing outside her door, and not being able to go in. He was planning on going back tomorrow morning before class. He was hoping one day he would get lucky and her ever-persistent bodyguard wouldn't be standing outside the door.

It was times like these that he really missed Rukia. It had only been a couple days but it felt like an eternity. She had a way of making him forget about everything and set his focus on her. She did it unintentionally, but he loved it. He loved how he was able to forget his frustration and just live in the moment with Rukia. She was a perfect distraction for him.

"Toshiro?" He heard from behind him as he was stacking books. He turned around prepared to glare at another random person, but was a little surprised to see Hinamori.

"Momo? What are you doing here, shouldn't you be in class?" He asks uncaringly, more as a formality.

"Yeah, but I didn't feel like going today." She says softly, "I saw the news."

Toshiro scoffs slightly, "you and everyone else." He went back to stacking the books with his back to her. He heard her shift her feet and sigh deeply.

"I know. What do you think of all of this?" Hinamori asks curiously. Toshiro almost wanted to tell her to go away, but that really wasn't the type of person he was so he decided to humor her.

"I don't know what to think. I don't know how we're going to handle it when she gets out of the hospital."

"You mean, you want to be with her still?!" Hinamori fires at him loudly, turning a few heads, and getting Toshiro to turn back around. He was a little shocked at her reaction.

"Shh. Of course I am. I'm not going to break up with her just because she has had a hard life." Toshiro says obviously.

"Hard life? Toshiro, she has not had a hard life! She is part of one of the richest families in the world! She's crazy! She-She has mental problems, and she cuts her wrists!" She says frantically, not understanding why Toshiro could possibly want to be with her.

Toshiro clenched his knuckles tight, and flared his nostrils in an attempt to calm his anger. This had been boiling within him all day just waiting for something to tip him over the edge. "Hinamori, I think you should leave."

"No, I wont! I think you're being very pigheaded. Don't you see what you're getting involved with? How embarrassing it must be, to be dating a girl who almost killed herself twice!" Hinamori didn't know when to stop.

If Hinamori was a man, Toshiro resolved he would punch her. Because Hinamori was in fact a girl, he would never do such a thing. No matter how idiotic she was being. "It's because of people like you, that insecure people like Rukia feel the need to harm themselves."

Hinamori looked wounded by him saying that, she didn't even respond, just turned and walked few steps then turned to face him again. "Me and Rukia were friends once. Then I saw the real Rukia. You will too Toshiro." With tears in her eyes, she finally walked out of the building.

Toshiro was still steaming about her comments. He felt no remorse for what he said, she needed to hear it. He didn't like the idea of people walking all over Rukia. She was vulnerable enough and didn't need people to bring her down in that way.

He was a little surprised at himself for how fast he went from shock and anger at Rukia to becoming understanding and accepting. Rukia was a good person and didn't deserve judgment from people who didn't even know her.

XXX

It was early the next day and Rukia was exhausted. She didn't sleep at all; all she could think about was how today was going to go. Maybe around four in the morning did she close her eyes, but was quickly awaken by a nightmare. In her nightmare, she was stuck in Karakura for the rest of her life. Then her sleep deprived mind got to thinking, what if they were telling her three days just to keep her calm? What if that wasn't the plan at all?

She shook her head to rid the thoughts from her mind. She couldn't think like that. She had to have trust. Trust in her brother, and trust in her therapist.

It was seven in morning when Soi Fon walked in with a clothing bag in her hand. Just like the last time Rukia saw her, she was dressed in all black. She gave a nod to Rukia, and Rukia returned it with a fake smile. "Hisana prepared this outfit for you." Soi Fon seemed to notice her questioning glance, "you don't want to go out in front of those cameras looking anything but your best. They're ruthless; they would eat you up if they saw the way you looked right now. You need a shower."

Rukia gave her an award-winning smile, "thanks."

"For what?" Soi Fon was good at hiding emotion, but Rukia could detect the curiosity in her voice. It seemed Soi Fon wasn't used to the strange behavior of Rukia quite yet.

"For being honest." Rukia liked her. She really appreciated that she didn't pity her, that she treated her like she would anyone else.

Soi Fon left corner of her mouth lifted a little. Almost a smile. She checked her watch to hide her show of emotion. "You need to shower, we're running behind."

Rukia nodded and stood making her way to the bathroom. She sighed when she realized the conditions in which she would have to shower. In the mental ward of the hospital she was in, they didn't have doors on the bathrooms, just curtains.

She was unhappy with it, but tried to make the most of the situation. She quickly showered and was out and dressed all in a matter of minutes. Soi Fon had her dressed in a button down shirt pared with high waisted shorts that toned down the formalness of the outfit. "Why so fancy?" Rukia asks while squeezing into her ballerina flats.

"You should be prepared to answer questions from the reporters."

"What? No, I'm not doing that, I-I don't know what to say," Rukia says frantically. Soi Fon noticed she was getting very panicky, the bodyguard didn't really know what to do in this situation. Her usual clients were high up Kuchiki executives and her father, both of which tended to ignore her.

"Calm down, you don't have to do anything you don't want." Soi Fon does her best to ease her mind. In telling Rukia this, she was blatantly ignoring what her father told her to do. Rukia's father wanted her to speak to the reporters, wanted her to talk up the Kuchiki name and dispel any rumors of bad blood between the family. Soi Fon was usually one to follow orders to the letter, but it was obvious to her that Rukia was not ready, and trying to force something like that on her was cruel. Soi Fon decided she liked Rukia better, and would do what was in her best interest; despite he is the one who gives her a rather large paycheck.

Rukia doesn't speak just reaches for her make-up bag that Soi Fon provided. She started by putting on powder and blush with shaky hands. She moved to begin applying eyeliner, but decided her pencil needed sharpened. She became confused when she couldn't find her sharpener; actually she usually carried two with her.

"Anything sharp was confiscated." Soi Fon says as if picking up on Rukia's confusion.

"Right," Rukia says exasperated, of course she had been through this all before, she just simply had to make due with her nub of an eyeliner pencil.

After finishing her makeup and styling her hair, Rukia was ready to go. Soi Fon nodded in approval, commenting that she looked very put together. Rukia knew she was just saying it to be supportive, which she appreciated.

"I suggest you wear sunglasses." She says while pulling a designer pair out of her bag.

"Why?"

"Because you look like you're going to cry." Soi Fon says, "I've found that everything works out better if you appear emotionless."

Rukia smiled and took her offered sunglasses, "thanks."

"Are you ready?" Soi Fon asks.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Soi Fon nods and they make their way to the door. Once out of the room, the nurse from before approaches them. "See you next time Rukia." She says in a way that seems friendly, but her face told another story.

"Hopefully not," Rukia says under her breath, and Soi Fon urges her away from the woman with a hand to her shoulder, they make their way down the hall to the elevator.

"Your brother and Isshin Kurosaki are waiting downstairs for you." Soi Fon says as they wait on the slow elevator. Rukia nods to show she heard her but didn't vocalize her feelings towards that.

The light above the elevator dinged, signaling that it was quickly approaching. Butterflies exploded in her stomach, and she closed her eyes to try and rid her nervousness away. The doors began to open and Rukia couldn't believe her eyes. She gasped and blinked multiple times, thinking she was in the middle of a hallucination.

Because there was no way that Toshiro Hitsugaya was on the other side of the elevator.

"Rukia!" They were both shocked, neither had moved and the elevator doors started closing again, Toshiro quickly moves and steps to the other side of the door.

Before they had a chance to say anything to the other Soi Fon injected, "Rukia, I was given strict orders not to let you see anyone, and we're running behind." Soi Fon was silenced by the look Rukia was giving her. It was pleading and upset, the bodyguard sighed, showing her sensitive side she reluctantly agreed, "two minutes." Rukia gave her a large smile, and stepped away with Toshiro. Soi Fon gave them some privacy but was still close enough to see everything Rukia was doing.

Seeing that Rukia wasn't going to say anything first, Toshiro started the conversation. "You look good," he says. He was standing a few feet away, but took a few steps closer.

"So do you," she noticed he was dressed in a button down shirt like her, and shorts. He looked amazing as ever. "I'm sorry, for well… everything." She says quietly and looks away from his probing eyes. Toshiro had a way of being able to see right through her.

Toshiro gets right to the point, knowing that their time was limited. "We have a lot to talk about, but I don't want to give up on us." Rukia looks up into his eyes immediately, shocked.

"You don't?" She whispers in surprise, Rukia couldn't explain the feelings that were rushing through her, if she had to put a name to it, she would call it happiness.

"Of course not! Didn't you read my message?" Rukia nodded with a smile on her face. Out of the corner of his eye, Toshiro noticed Soi Fon checking her watch and realized he was running out of time. "What'll happen now?"

Rukia didn't want to tell him, but knew she had to, "I'm going to the hospital for a few days just for… evaluation." Rukia looked away as she said this, and felt her face warm from embarrassment. This was a strange situation for her, she wasn't used to these sorts of feelings.

Knowing she didn't want to elaborate, he avoided the main questions on his mind, and went with something a little tamer, "will I be able to see you?"

"I doubt it. They don't like me having visitors, now more than ever I would say." Rukia didn't know if she would like having Toshiro seeing her there anyway. It would be uncomfortable; he would see her in the all white outfit, in the all white room. It would probably reinforce the stereotype he most likely already believes.

"A few days? I guess I can wait a few more days." He says quietly knowing their time was up and Rukia's bodyguard was standing behind them. He steps in closer and wraps his arms around her, "Rukia please, please don't do anything stupid. I'll see you as soon as you're out."

Rukia was disappointed when he pulled back from their hug; she unwrapped her arms from him, and placed one on his bicep. "I promise I won't."

Toshiro couldn't help but look down at her arm, where her sleeves were rolled up. She noticed his sudden grim facial expression, and followed his line of sight. She quickly pulled her arm back. "Rukia…"

She cut him off, not wanting to hear what he had to say, "I'm fine."

Soi Fon seemed to notice the situation, and cut in. "Alright it's time to leave. You're brother is waiting." The bodyguard directs Rukia away from Toshiro with a hand to the shoulder, and pushes her into the waiting elevator. Not allowing Toshiro to enter with them.

Rukia notices Tohsiro's facial expression, and her nerves are settled. He isn't disgusted by her cuts, just worried. The doors close, and the last thing Rukia sees from him is a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.

She offered a smile in return, and the elevator is then on it's way down.

"Thanks," Rukia says to her newly acquired bodyguard.

"I figured that was a good time to cut in." She says almost awkwardly, "He seems… nice. Boyfriend?"

"No. I'm not sure what he is," Rukia says slowly, "but he is something, and I guess that's all that really matters."

For the first time, Rukia notices a real smile on Soi Fon's face, even though it only lasted for half a second, it was there. A few moments go by in silence, before Soi Fon turns to Rukia, "we need to fix this." She points towards Rukia's rolled up sleeves, which exposed her cuts. "It may be uncomfortable, but trust me, if you don't it will be plastered on every station at prime time tonight."

Rukia doesn't comment, but simply allows the older women to reach down and unroll the sleeves. She does it gently which surprises Rukia because she doesn't seem like the type to ever be gentle. She is grateful that Soi Fon doesn't comment on the cuts, or even stare at them.

"What are they going to ask me?" Rukia realizes the situation and butterflies return to her stomach.

"It's hard to be certain, but what I would assume is that they will want to know about your family relationship." Soi Fon turns and looks at Rukia head on with eye contact, "you need to lie."

Rukia face contorts with surprise, "Lie?"

"Yes, I've been with your family for a few years now, and I know it's anything but functional, if it were we wouldn't be in this situation. But to save yourself, trust me, it's in your best interest to play it off. Tell the media what they want to hear, if you don't they will stop at nothing to get a story; they're ruthless if you couldn't tell already. The faster this story becomes 'boring' the sooner it will be out of the spot light."

Her bodyguard's words made sense. She almost didn't want to lie, no matter the consequences. What she was going to do was a favor to her father; even she was smart enough to realize that. Why not make him look like the ass that he was? The simple answer was that she couldn't do it. She knew the man he used to be. The one that loved her.

Rukia squeezed her eyes shut to try and force away the tears, and it worked. The next second she opened them and Soi Fon was guiding her out of the elevator. True to her word, Byakuya and Isshin were waiting for her in the lobby. Surprisingly, so was Hisana. But Rukia wasn't focused on them, no her eyes were attracted to the crowds of people waiting outside the glass doors, all with cameras and microphones. They were chatting amongst themselves and thankfully couldn't see inside far enough to see Rukia yet.

Suddenly Rukia is engulfed in a hug from Hisana, "Rukia I've missed you." It wasn't a long lived hug, but it made Rukia feel a little warmer inside knowing Hisana was still not upset with her.

"Rukia, these people are going to ask you questions, it's entirely up to you if you want to respond." Byakuya says with a tight face, seemingly uncomfortable with what they're about to experience.

"I think I can do it."

"Good! That's the spirit. Okay we should be going, they're expecting you at Karakura soon, don't want to be late!" Isshin says with a smile. Rukia knew that he was here because she needed to be 'supervised.'

They began walking towards the door, and they spot her coming out. Byakuya is on one side of her with Soi Fon on the other. Taking her advice, Rukia slips on the sunglasses thankful that it was a sunny day.

"Rukia!"

"What's it like to be in the spotlight after years of being unknown?"

"Where are you headed?"

Rukia knew to ignore these questions, and was making her way to the car with the others, of course Soi Fon was by her side still, and she noticed they were asking Byakuya similar questions. He seemed to know exactly what to say, and was very poised in his answers.

Finally someone asked the right question, "Mrs. Kuchiki! What's it like growing up in a family that's embarrassed about you?"

Rukia paused for a moment; not knowing if she could actually go through with this, but felt Soi Fon put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Anyone else looking would say that it was there to urge her along, but she knew better. With that, she felt some of her nerves leave. How hard was lying anyway?

"I don't know what you're talking about. My family loves me. Of course, it was hard growing up with out a mother for most of my life, but my father and brother have been amazing and very supportive. It was my decision to remain a secret, I really wanted to focus on getting better." It was almost traitorous hearing the words come out of her mouth, but she knew what she was doing was for the better.

"You say your family has been supportive, but what about the incident with your brother when you were younger?" Rukia was blindsided, she had no idea what to say, and she wasn't prepared for this.

She tried to be vague, "it was an misunderstanding, and we've moved past it." Rukia didn't know if that was the right thing to say or not, but she was happy when he moved subjects.

"Was it also a misunderstanding when you've tried to kill yourself twice now?"

The air was forced out of her lungs at his question, as soon as he asked this Soi Fon jumped in and urged her along, "no more questions." There was the hard steely voice that Rukia had heard her use on a few occasions.

Still Rukia felt like she was in shock. They thought she tried to kill herself? But she didn't! …Did she? They stepped into the back seat of the limo, all looked on at Rukia who was panicking.

Everyone thought she was trying to kill herself again. _I wasn't! I don't think I was, I just wanted the pain to stop, I've done it so many times, I just didn't think about it like that. I mean I guess I could've died but… _there wasn't anything else to add.

"Rukia? Rukia?" She was forced out of her subconscious with the feeling of someone talking very loudly.

She looked up into the eyes of her therapist who was sitting right in front of her, "just calm down, you're fine, everything's okay." Isshin grasped her hand and modeled deep breathing, which prompted Rukia to do the same. "Okay?"

"Okay," Rukia said, she continued her deep breathes, which did, in fact, have a nice calming effect. She looked over to her brother and Hisana who were both looking at her, and Rukia felt her cheeks warm once again. She again embarrassed herself. She turned her head in Soi Fon's direction and noticed the women wasn't watching, but instead her attention was focused on a tablet or PDA like device in her lap.

"Did I say anything wrong?" Isshin moved from his position in front of her to next to her on the seat when she directed the question to her bodyguard.

Soi Fon looked up from her device, "no, you did well." She left it at that, and the rest of the car ride was in silence.

Not but 10 minutes later they arrived outside the tall building that Rukia had come to hate so much. The driver parked right outside the front, and luckily the reporters didn't seem to have followed them.

Rukia didn't know what to think about being back, of course she was unhappy but she hadn't yet allowed herself to truly process what being back was going to be like. No privacy. Nobody to talk to. Absolute control.

Rukia took a deep breath. Now was not the time to think these things. She would have 72 hours to dwell on the current situation.

Byakuya held the glass door open for her as she crossed the threshold. She paused in the lobby waiting for the others to catch up. She looked around the lobby and it was the same as she remembered from a few months back. Nothing special about it. Rukia took a few deep breaths once more and suddenly wished Toshiro was there. If he was there she knew that she wouldn't be so nervous.

"Are you alright?" Byakuya asks softly next to her, and Rukia notices out of the corner of her eye that Dr. Kurosaki was checking her in at the front desk.

"For now," she replies cryptically. He doesn't respond to that, knowing that she doesn't want him to. Besides, Dr. Kurosaki was on his way over to the two of them.

"Alright they're ready for you," says Isshin, "are you ready?"

"No, but I don't really have a choice do I?" With that, Rukia, Byakuya, and Isshin entered through the large security door. The others would have to wait in the lobby.

It was in that moment, of nervousness and dread, that Rukia Kuchiki promised herself that she would never again be admitted to this hospital. She was going to get better.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading, like always I do appreciate it. I wanted to thank all of you for reviewing, it really makes me happy. I also wanted to ask you to keep reviewing! <strong>


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